Dating younger men: Rules and tips for women

As we have been exploring the exploding trend among women to date younger men (Related link: Older women dating younger men), one of the theme that is emerging is women lying about their age. From a series of discussions that we have had with these women, we have learned that they just wanted to get into the relationship and did not realize that it could get serious some day. Janet says, "I told my boyfriend that I was eight years younger than I was just to date someone younger hoping that it would not last." Well, a lot of these relationships have lasted and many of these women face dilemmas of whether they should tell their real age or just hope that the relationship would just end.

Lisa, who is in a similar situation says, "I see no reason to tell my boyfriend right now about my age other than the fact that I fear hurting him if indeed he does want the relationship to last, and THEN he finds out." Nancy, who is 35 and is dating a 20 year old man (after telling him that she was 30), says, "The age gap has really taken a toll on us. He's embarrassed to tell his parents and friends about me. I think he will be shocked to find out that I am even older than I told him."

As we have pointed out in our analysis (Related link: It is fine to date younger men), it is perfectly fine in today's America to date anyone you feel the compatibility with. However, here are some rules for dating in such cases:

• Do not lie about your age, or for that matter, about anything else. Lies help no one. Most people appreciate honesty more than lies and you can sleep at night in peace that you lied to no one. If he is the type that does not care about age, it doesn't matter what the age difference is. A foundation of love laid on lies and deceit will not support the relationship for too long.
• Lying might be acceptable only in case of a one-night stand. If you plan to see this man the second time, come clean immediately. It is much better to start that way than just wait for the right moment to come since time flies by fast. As Janet says, "We've been seeing each other for almost a year now, and he still has no idea. I want to tell him the truth, but then again, I start to think about the fact that it may not last. Not that I have any reason to think this, but it may not. Things happen. So why should I speed it along and be truthful? This is confusing, I know, but what this boils down to is guilt and fear. Simply because I do think so much about him, and do secretly wish that it would last forever. Sad sad situation!" Don't fall into the trap laid by Janet for herself.
• We Americans are forgiving by our nature and always give people a chance for contrition, put the past behind them, and move on. So, please do tell him about the lies as soon as you can. There is a risk that you are taking that the relationship might end, but you are taking even a bigger risk if the relationship continues. After all you are playing with someone's emotions and also depriving that person of a chance to be with someone he will like to be for the rest of his life. Thus, your actions are absolutely unethical and immoral. As long as you are totally honest and genuinely sorry, there is a high possibility that the power of love will be stronger than the impact on the relationship due to age difference.

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