Physical intimacy redefined: Five course meal is what a woman wants

We have recently started to publish some of our findings from discussions that we have been having with our pool of volunteers (both couples and singles). In an article published, we addressed the topic of how women are often too concerned about their bodies and withdraw from intimacy from their partners. But women are also saying that it is not entirely their fault that they are withdrawing from intimacy. Men are to be blamed as well for lack of creativity and failing to appreciate women's needs.

While it is true that many men are too selfish when it comes to physical intimacy. "If I came, she must have come too", is the standard male attitude because he does not want to doubt his capabilities to perform in bed. But let us be fair by also mentioning that we have seen a sharp rise in emails from men who often wonder they may not be pleasing their partners as much as they would like to do and their partners are being quiet and not complaining. What can they do to please her?

So what do women really want?

This is a question that confounds all men (even those that have spent their whole lives with them). One thing is for sure: a woman and a man think quite differently about physical intimacy. For him, it is largely about his climax. For her, it is about developing a more intimate bond with her partner, whether the climax is reached or not every time. Thus, a woman might be perfectly happy with lying on her partner's chest and feeling his love as he strokes her back.

Or in other words, physical intimacy in the mind of a woman is akin to a five-course meal:

1. Hors d'Oeuvres: The setting, the words, the mood, the music...
2. Appetizer: The seduction
3. Soup: The kisses all over
4. Entree: The penetration
5. Dessert: Cuddling, hugs, and light chat

Tips for men

• Don't just focus on your own needs
• Take your time; the longer the better
• Do not ever believe that you are done when you have come
• Her mood is everything; watch carefully and act accordingly
• If in doubt, ask her

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