Body image; project the right one

Couples can sometimes have significant difference in opinions on what type of a body image should each one of them project. For example, it is often seen that men tend to dress more conservatively (projecting a more "serious" and "old" image) even in their 30s and 40s particularly if they are corporate executives, while their wives might still dress very hip. On the other hand many men complain that women don't like to age gracefully and still want to dress like a teenager.

Along similar lines is the issue of what to wear and what not to wear. Is it acceptable for women to wear short skirts in their 30s? Should men be able to wear baggy jeans even when they are so-called "corporate executives"? Should women in their 30s always wear their bras while young women these days hardly wear them with tank tops?

A body image is something very personal and is not just a result of how you like to dress. Projecting a certain type of body image is literally a reflection of what we are and what do we want to be perceived as by others. If a women dresses sporty, she is projecting an image of a person who is energetic and playful. When a man dresses in Polo shirts and khakis, he wants to be taken seriously, but not too much. When a woman wears a black suit with literally no jewelry and carries a briefcase rather than a purse, she wants to compete with men head on.

For women to wear short skirts or not wear their underwear amounts to making an enormous statement to men even though many of the women themselves do it nonchalantly without any thought of creating any specific body image. They figure that because of their personal preference and comfort, it really does not matter. But the reality is that when we are in public, we do create an impression in other people's minds and we have to be careful about that.

As Paul says, "The attraction does not always have to be merely visual because the mindset that a body image creates is good enough. An assumption would be that most mature people have seen it all before, and thus, there is no shock value appeal in how we dress. But we are still all very curious animals and never stop fantasizing. The thoughts are along the lines of: This person is not a prude because s/he dresses a certain way. S/he is pushing a certain limit of acceptable behavior in a certain public setting, thus s/he pushes her/his body image to the limit in every situation so we can only imagine what limits s/he might push if (I) can get intimate with her/him, etc. It is not important if these thoughts that others have have any accuracy or not, just the fact that the person evokes these thoughts (fantasies) in others is what is so interesting."

Nancy had similar comments, "Sad as it may sound but the reality is that when I wear an outfit I want to project a certain body image. When I dress up in a short black dress to go to a nightclub, I want to be seen as the party girl, a body image that is different from what I want to project at the office where by dressing conservatively I want to be seen someone in authority who can get things done."

How to develop the right body image?

• There is no need to have one body image for all situations. Like Nancy, you can easily have several images in different situations. In fact, having the same image all the time can have disastrous consequences. Not many men will approach Nancy in the nightclub if she projects the same image as she does in the office.
• Invest in your body image. You will need appropriate clothes, accessories, hair cut, makeup, etc. for each body image.
• Change your body image when you realize that it is not working for you. Keep trying and refining. Try different hair styles or makeup or clothes. You might even take classes in style and fashion and watch all the style programs on televsion to learn how to get the body image that suits your personality.

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