Welcome to LuvCube blog about relationships. Read lovearticles or findlove, live love, and enjoylove. Or search.Write to me.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Marriage for green card

Mike from Seattle, Washington, writes, "I have a big predicament and don't know what to do. I met an Asian girl online and she is the nicest person I have ever known; yet, I get the feeling she's taking me for a ride and will ditch me when she gets to the US. While she talks of our marriage but never really talks about our life long-term, kids, retirement, etc. I have no idea what to do."

It is indeed true that a lot of women in the rest of the world wish to marry an American for the green card. It is no secret. However, this may also result in a lot of misunderstandings as well. Your online girlfriend might very well be just shy or too embarrassed to talk about other things or may not have an idea what type of planning a couple has to do prior to their marriage. But with so many sad stories around, it is a good idea that you are thinking about it right now and want to take all precautions before you decide to marry her.

Many Asian women are basically highly pragmatic. They will flirt with an American, even marry him for a green card, but eventually marry an Asian man from their country no matter how dull and predictable he is. This is quite understandable. Despite America being a melting pot and our exposure to Asian women, there are still so many things that we do not know about them as well as an Asian man would know. For example, Thai women often complain about their menfolk but, ultimately, it is only they who understand what their womenfolk want and how they want it. Kozue, a Japanese girl we spoke to us, says, that she is not excited by her Japanese boyfriend, yet she will still marry him. Only some women look for passion in their marriage, she says. Most, like her, just follow the biological urge to mate with a man who understands her in a way no foreigner ever could.

Having said that, there is no reason for you to doubt your girlfriend's intentions and make your life miserable worrying about it or making her feel less wanted. However, it will be in your best interest to first spend time with her either here in the US or by visiting her country. You will have a better sense of her intentions. Only then should you make up your mind if you want to marry her. Marriage is a lifelong commitment to a person and you do not want to marry anyone who has a hidden agenda: a green card. This is a good time to ask all the hard questions rather than wait for things to unfold after you are already married.


Blogger vasha said...

Mike The problem is with the American view of marriage. Many women from other cultures are pragmatic. That is a big problem. In our culture it is assumed that it is a "love match" While marriages of convience are very rarely spoken of. Because of this you may not hear what she is saying. The problem of cultural assumptions ( cultral conditions ( the supposed to be's))! Your expectations may not be what she is thinking and marriage to her may be different that what you are thinking of. I am going to bring up another point. What do you do for a living? What city or area is she from? What is she is a career woman? Remember the Asian woman that you know from the us is not the same as a native. They are very different because one was raised in the american culture and for all intents has internalized american values. I say get her tourist visa or student visa so she can see how it is here and how you will be. I know that there are many different expectations that are unvoiced by both. She is like other people who may have hidden agenda perhaps she wants a career: and her family wants her to marry. Remember Many girls are the financial hope of the family.
Most countries do not have social security!! It is the family that takes care of them in their old age. And that girl may be the one so designated by them(the family) or by herself. Be aware that that is also an expected responsibility. I disagree with the US hard immigration policies. I would like to see anyone being able to get a long term visitor visa. As it is there is great discrimination against Asian Women. So the US goverment has a problem with asian women and there is also some american women who have the same feelings so be aware of the political arena. You did not say your age so there are some things that a young man may need to experience. Good luck

8:54 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home