Marriage is a big responsibility

Yes, even bigger than you can imagine. But the good news is that if you think of it that way you are more likely to remain married to the person that you fell in love with. We are very concerned about the rapidly growing instances of divorce (just imagine one out of two marriages failing in America) and are fully convinced that those who oppose gay marriage are actually doing a great disservice to the institution of marriage. By making marriage a bad word (by banning marriage) we will only be sending a (wrong) message to our youngsters: If you love someone and want to get married....well you can't because of (whatever). (Related article: Saving marriage in America)

So it is nice to hear from young people who are thinking of marriage very responsibly and want to get it right. In response to our article on the Right Age for Marriage, Jayme writes, "I am eighteen years of age and so is my fiancee. We are both in college we know exactly what we both want. We didn't want to get married until the age of 23 because that way we would be in our jobs for a year and stable. We have been together since we were sixteen. Does this seem like a reasonable age? 23?"

In their book, Marriage and the Family, researchers Marcia and Tom Lasswell conclude: "Divorce rates are lowest for men and women who marry for the first time at age 28 or later. The chances for a stable marriage increase as both partners reach the age of 30 and then the rates level off." However, if there are people like Jayme, the age 28 is not written in stone. What is important is that is the attitude - the fact that you both understand what marriage means and what responsibilities it entails. In reality if you have this appreciation, even at 18, it does not matter if you marry now but still it is a good idea to give yourself several years to fully appreciate the responsibility that marriage brings.

We have always believed that one should only marry when one is absolutely (or close to 100%) convinced that this is the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, no matter what. If you have even an iota of doubt, don't marry. Don't hope that things will get better if you get married or your partner will change after marriage. Don't also hope that problems will go away after marriage. And never marry because you have someone pressuring you to marry for whatever reason. All these cases are actually seeds planted for divorce. We are actually convinced that divorce does more damage to our way of life in America than anything else. It pulls families apart, it hurts children, and it changes (in a negative way) people who go through divorce.

Related article: Divorces hurt kids. Parents, please don't divorce!