Positive communication with your spouse

The pastor of the New England Chapel has two very simple rules in his household. The rule is strictly applied to everyone including children.

1. When you have something negative to say about a family member, you wait for the designated time (once a week when the family gets together for a meeting for this purpose).
2. For every one negative thing that you have to say, you need to say two positive things.

In my opinion, this gentleman may have discovered the secret to world peace. No, I am not kidding. If we could apply this principle to the United Nations, the world will be a different place. But I am not trying to solve world's problem. Let us get back to communicating with your spouse.

• We have a tendency to be more sensitive to negative feedback from people that are too close to us. It seems that somehow our loved one no longer accepts us. You will agree that when the same feedback comes from a therapist or life coach, we have a totally different attitude towards it. Since it is impossible to do anything about this part of human nature, it is best to live with it by limiting the amount of negative feedback and criticism of people close to us.
• When we are saying negative things to others about them, we are indirectly telling them something is wrong with them, that they are not good enough, and that others (including I) are better than them. This hurts, and should be avoided. No one is perfect and even when we feel that we are right and someone else is wrong, we should immediately tell ourselves that it does not mean we go tell them this.
• What is good and bad is a matter of interpretation. There is nothing absolute in this world. What you think may be good can be considered bad by others and both may have compelling arguments in favor of each position. Or in other words, you have no right to tell others that they are wrong because there is no such thing in the first place.
• We are all born with some strengths and weaknesses. There are some weaknesses that we can overcome but many others we can do nothing about. Sometimes we can not overcome certain weaknesses because we may not even have the maturity to appreciate that those are weaknesses and we should do something about it. What that means is that we can not make feel others bad about their weaknesses simply because we do not have them. We all have weaknesses and we should simply appreciate these.
• When you start looking at positive things in a person, you will find many. It is human nature to find negatives easily and that is what destroys relationships. You will also realize when you find positive things that they are so much bigger than the negative things that you start wondering if it is even worthwhile to talk about the small negative things.

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- By Pierre Coda