How to breakup without hurting your partner?

There is no such thing as an easy breakup (unless your partner was hoping that you would be the one to breakup first and is glad when that happens) but yes, there is something called an elegant breakup. It is hard to control when a breakup becomes nasty and ugly but if you follow certain basic etiquette you will know that you did your part and if your partner decides to go along with you, you can actually be friends even after a breakup since that is the way things should be. (Related article: Clean breakup techniques)

Let us read a very difficult case. Jay says that he has been in a relationship for eight years but wants to end it now. He say, "We even have a house together, and my partner has invested her entire heart and soul into the relationship. Not to mention she is an overly emotional person with a quick temper. I know breaking up is never easy, but she gets really crazy whenever I bring up the fact that I want freedom. Plus I'm an overly nice guy, so I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her angry. What's the best way to get out of this mess?"

You will simply have to go ahead and do it and there is no reason not to do it just because you are a nice guy and you don't like to hurt her. If you are convinced that this is not the relationship for you and there is no way to make things better, that you both move on. Here are some thoughts on how to do it so that there is minimum pain for all: (Related article: Knowing when it is time to move on)

• Tell her what your concerns are and ask for some time to reflect, though you don't have to mention a breakup. Maybe 30 or 90 days. And then move out. That will act as a buffer period in which you can both prepare yourself for the breakup.
• Ask a close mutual friend to help you out. If this person can communicate some of the things that you do not like about the relationship and how you would like to end the relationship, it will be easier on both of you.
• If you are in an urgency and no other alternatives are available, keep it like the layoff in corporate America - short, to the point, and final. Tell her your decision and discuss the next steps. Move out immediately and then just keep a professional relationship as you sort out what to do with the house and what else to take care of.

Recommended article: When should you breakup?