How to deal with insecure men?
There are men who have a difficult time making a fresh start because they are so occupied with a woman's past. These are men who would not date a divorced woman or a widow because they do not know how to deal with her past. Since most of such men tend to be insecure, they often make the woman feel bad about her past in the hope that they will be able to somehow make her like them more than any of her lovers in the past. Totally wrong way to deal with the issue.
The most important thing to remember is that when you are in a relationship with a person, it is a new relationship between you and the other person and that is how you should deal with it. Yes, it is not possible to erase memories from the past (and one is not expected to) and it is also very likely that somewhere in the back of one's mind, a comparison may be made with a previous lover, but what's the big deal?
And our reader Julia happens to be in a relationship with one of these insecure men for about an year and is now wondering if it is time for her to just let him go. "Since the beginning he has been throwing my past in my face and some of the decisions that I've made in my life, including the decision I made to have both my little girls. He tends to make a big deal about my past. It's not like I was a hooker. I had a couple of boyfriends and he thinks that that was too many. Anyway, he has successfully made me feel like crap and that anyone that I dated before him did not love me. His insecurities have made me lose friends and a constant questioning everyday. Is it time to let go?" (Related article: When to breakup?)
Absolutely. Not only is this man insecure, he also does not know how to treat a woman. When a man makes the love of his life feel like crap, he does not love her. He probably does not know what love is. While there is nothing wrong about having a few relationships or having children from a relationship, he simply has no right to make you feel miserable about your choices. We at LuvCube believe that even if you committed the biggest crime in the world, your partner does not have a right to make you feel bad about it.
How to make sure that you do not run into an insecure man again?
- Insecure men tend to ask too many questions, monitor you more than the expected concern for a loved one, and often dwell more on the past than their relationship with you.
- An insecure man will not respect your choice and will try to convey that his choice is better than yours.
- A man with insecurities looks at everything with suspicion, trusts no one, and is often imagining conspiracies where there are none.
If you see any of the above in a man's personality, run from him as fast as you can. A confident man knows that you like him for who he is and he likes you for who you are and the past is not an issue. He will give you your space but will provide you with a blanket of security when you need it.
Related article: What is a good time to breakup?
By Pierre Coda, the author of Consultant Blog
posted by eCreativa Media | 4:32 PM
1 Comments:
I was in a relationship for 4 years, during the 4 years we were on and off a couple of times. But the last year things were out of control. He did things behind my back that i didn't even know happened b/c he began to get into excessive alchol and try drugs and i had no idea that was happening. Eventually i broke up with him. He ended up moving away for a few months then had to come back home b/c he was having health issues resolving in his excessive drug issues. Now he has turned his life around, he no longer drinks or has any drug problems. He has focused on his health and being physically fit. We recently started talking again. And even though everything our relationship has been through we still shared to one another about how much we love each other. He told me that there is not a day that goes by that he didn't think of me, even when there were months that we did not talk. I still love him too, even though the pain he caused in the past, but i forgive him. He was the first guy that i had sex with, but during our split i was in a relationship and had sex with someone else. Now that we are talking again thats all that he can think about. He is very insecure in the bedroom and with his body, and he has no reason to be. He even tells me that he's not sure if he can trust me, when i have done nothing to cause him not to trust me. I have been nothing but faithful. If he does not change in the way of his insecurities i will end the relationship even though i love him dearly. I want a man that is secure and who trusts me b/c that is what i deserve.
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