Every breakup has a reason; so learn from it

Carla writes, "I dated a guy for 7 weeks and all the time he was way more into me than I into him. He voiced being "crazy about me," wanting "to share everything with me," willing to drive to the end of the world to see me and so on. I believe I gave equal investment to the relationship also, as from day one we hit it off like a house on fire. And to be honest, I was walking on air, smiling endlessly, and full of energy for the duration of the relationship. One evening he drove 70 miles from his home to break it off with no reason; just that "he had doubts." It was completely out of blue to the amazement of my friends who say how we "gelled great together." Trying to analyze the situation with him, he said he still was attracted to me and really liked me but felt it had to end. Six weeks later after the breakup, he still has not made any contact through an email or phone. I have met other guys, but there is no chemistry and my energy is quite low over this. What do you suggest I should do? I would be grateful if you could give objective insight in order to aid me to move on."

As you can guess, men come in all "shapes and sizes." First of all, it was a 7 week relationship and that amounts to a casual relationship rather than anything serious. As you reflect on it you must tell yourself that it was only a great casual relationship and you were too naive to think that it was something that was meant to last for too long. It also looks as if this guy got what he wanted from you because you were too naive to believe him. Like any woman, you probably liked all the nice things that he said to you and there is nothing wrong with that. It is human nature. He said those to simply seduce you and to get what he wanted. I am assuming that he even got into bed with you.

The other thing to remember is that what goes up comes down. And what goes up too fast, comes down even faster. Indeed there are men that simply like something too fast and then one thing goes wrong and they dislike it equally strongly. I personally do not like such people because they are immature and tend to focus too much on just one thing in a person. In reality though, while there may be something too good or too bad in a person, we are way more complex than that as human beings. For a relationship to be successful, we have to like the whole person. Maybe he was one of those people who just was charmed by one thing and then turned off by another thing.

Such men are quite "dangerous" because they are extremely charming and use their charm to break numerous hearts. I can guess how you feel and how no other man seems even close to him right now, but trust me, the world is full of wonderful men. (Related article: Dating tips to find a soul mate)

So it is much better to learn from this experience, and the biggest lesson is that if a relationship is moving too fast you need to slow down. It is simply impossible to see that kind of chemistry in 7 weeks and what you saw was just a different person (not the real him). He was trying to be what you wanted him to be so that he could get what he wanted. Once he got it, he is probably now doing the same with another girl.

So, isn't it great that you had such a good time? Think of it as a pleasant dream and keep the sweet memories with you. And of course, it is time to start a new relationship now that you are smarter than you were 7 weeks ago.

Related: Conflict resolution in relationships

- By Pierre Coda, author of Plastic Surgery Blog