Falling in love with a friend; what to do
I have been emphasizing that having good male friends for women is important. What they learn from these friendships can be very useful in romantic relationships. In addition to that I am also recommending that boys and girls be allowed to mix as early as possible so that they come to respect each other. However, we do not live in a perfect world; do we?
Friendships with the opposite sex are normal and healthy but the challenge comes when you fall in love with your friend and fail to separate the unplanned feelings you end up developing along the way. When we start to make or prefer having friends with the opposite sex we should understand what we are getting into. We should not forget the fact that opposites attract and that you are still a human being with feelings and emotions but you also have a brain to make wise decisions. Great as these friendships may be, this is one important issue most people tend to overlook, forget or simply ignore. (Related article: How to get ready for a relationship?)
At the beginning you can agree on certain terms and become best friends where your friend makes it clear that nothing more will ever happen. But the day he/she decides to have a girl/boy friend may not be the best thing that can happen to you, because chances of you being jealous and possessive are high. If you are not careful, one of you may get hurt. You need to be alert because the more time you spend with somebody the easier it is to become fond of them as you have built a bond that is similar to that when you are in a serious relationship. The following story illustrates this point:
Susan is a young lady and spends most of her time with her friend John. They have been friends for a while but John has a girlfriend. She became very fond of John because he was such a good friend and so much like the guy of her dreams - he had all the qualities she was looking for in a man. John liked her too but not in the same way as she felt. One day she got jealous and complained as to why he never called her and John simply said, "What is wrong with you Sue? Have you forgotten that I have a girlfriend!"
So you can imagine how rejected Susan felt and it was not John's fault; neither was it hers. This can happen to anybody. Hence, the need to draw the line and talk about it openly if you should feel differently and start having fantasies or feelings. I think you should look for an opportunity and be brave enough to tell your mate how you feel so that they know. You see friendship is not only a requirement in any relationship but a good foundation as well and if both of you feel the same way about each other; it can be a bonus when it works out. (Related article: Even couples should have other couples as friends)
Opening up will help you a lot because you may both be going through the same turmoil; otherwise, you may suffer a great deal of pain if you will "bottle up" the feelings that cant be expressed. It will cause you to be very frustrated and moody towards that person and one day you may just explode and destroy your friendship like Susan did. Remember love is unconditional and it can happen to anybody. However, most times this does not occur to the other person and I have seen a lot of people struggle in this area and they are so confused and fail to stop at the red light. So if you feel this way and you have talked about it and it looks like it won't work out better you stop that friendship in order to avoid more pain for yourself.
Understand this, human beings are social beings who want to be accepted, appreciated and loved so when they experience this, unfortunately they tend to mistake kindness or friendship as an advance or a green light or accuse you of leading them on. They are also complex creatures with varied tastes or preferences. They may like you just like a sister or a brother and not feel anything else besides this and you may feel differently as well.
Points to think about when you prefer friendships with the opposite sex
Love at first sight
Turn a friend into a lover
- By Imfwama Wotela
Friendships with the opposite sex are normal and healthy but the challenge comes when you fall in love with your friend and fail to separate the unplanned feelings you end up developing along the way. When we start to make or prefer having friends with the opposite sex we should understand what we are getting into. We should not forget the fact that opposites attract and that you are still a human being with feelings and emotions but you also have a brain to make wise decisions. Great as these friendships may be, this is one important issue most people tend to overlook, forget or simply ignore. (Related article: How to get ready for a relationship?)
At the beginning you can agree on certain terms and become best friends where your friend makes it clear that nothing more will ever happen. But the day he/she decides to have a girl/boy friend may not be the best thing that can happen to you, because chances of you being jealous and possessive are high. If you are not careful, one of you may get hurt. You need to be alert because the more time you spend with somebody the easier it is to become fond of them as you have built a bond that is similar to that when you are in a serious relationship. The following story illustrates this point:
Susan is a young lady and spends most of her time with her friend John. They have been friends for a while but John has a girlfriend. She became very fond of John because he was such a good friend and so much like the guy of her dreams - he had all the qualities she was looking for in a man. John liked her too but not in the same way as she felt. One day she got jealous and complained as to why he never called her and John simply said, "What is wrong with you Sue? Have you forgotten that I have a girlfriend!"
So you can imagine how rejected Susan felt and it was not John's fault; neither was it hers. This can happen to anybody. Hence, the need to draw the line and talk about it openly if you should feel differently and start having fantasies or feelings. I think you should look for an opportunity and be brave enough to tell your mate how you feel so that they know. You see friendship is not only a requirement in any relationship but a good foundation as well and if both of you feel the same way about each other; it can be a bonus when it works out. (Related article: Even couples should have other couples as friends)
Opening up will help you a lot because you may both be going through the same turmoil; otherwise, you may suffer a great deal of pain if you will "bottle up" the feelings that cant be expressed. It will cause you to be very frustrated and moody towards that person and one day you may just explode and destroy your friendship like Susan did. Remember love is unconditional and it can happen to anybody. However, most times this does not occur to the other person and I have seen a lot of people struggle in this area and they are so confused and fail to stop at the red light. So if you feel this way and you have talked about it and it looks like it won't work out better you stop that friendship in order to avoid more pain for yourself.
Understand this, human beings are social beings who want to be accepted, appreciated and loved so when they experience this, unfortunately they tend to mistake kindness or friendship as an advance or a green light or accuse you of leading them on. They are also complex creatures with varied tastes or preferences. They may like you just like a sister or a brother and not feel anything else besides this and you may feel differently as well.
Points to think about when you prefer friendships with the opposite sex
- Remember that you are not dating yet or he/she is not your boy/girlfriend and you don't own them.
- Avoid being together alone too often as this allows a breeding place for passion.
- Never allow a relationship to start without discussing it. If you see things turning off course, stop and reevaluate your friendship, and ask, "Tom, where is this leading to? Are you sure this is what you want?" So that you both know where you stand.
- Talk openly about relationships, that is, what kind of person you would like to go out with and when, etc.
- If you think it is not a good idea to keep going to places together, then do tell your mate instead of avoiding them.
- When you start dating, introduce your girl/boyfriend to your mate.
- Learn to read each other's gestures; it will help you notice certain things early.
Love at first sight
Turn a friend into a lover
- By Imfwama Wotela
posted by eCreativa Media | 3:00 PM
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