Turning friends into lovers; how to do it right

The whole issue of friends becoming lovers is not easy to deal with. When you fall in love with a close friend, it is a great start because you know the person already so well. But many friendships are great friendships simply because the stress of a relationship is not there. I can say a lot of things to a friend but if I said the same things to my wife, I might be in deep trouble. It is simply how the human mind works and that is why it is important to have both great friends and a lover. (Related article: Friendship among boys and girls at an early age)

Let us see what Brian is going through. He writes, "In a nutshell I'm in love with my best friend. She loves me like a brother and I know that's just her excuse to not get involved with me but I don't want to just walk away from her like, "If you won't have me, then I won't be your friend." Here's the tricky part. When she says she loves me like a brother, it's somewhat mutual. The problem is she's a gorgeous girl and over time I've grown to love her and I'm attracted to her. It's so confusing, because I want to be romantic with her and yet I still want to be friends. So I can't blow it and go all out. I've made advances, which weren't too crazy or aggressive, but she always uses the brother excuse. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel a need to be her friend and lover at the same time. I'll be thankful for any suggestions. I honestly love the girl. I have a stronger urge to kiss her most of the time." (Related article: What to do when you fall in love with your best friend?)

This is a very delicate situation. And what you are going through is fairly normal among childhood friends. What was non-romantic when you were kids can become a different feeling once the hormones start to act.

My advice is that if you do something stupid, then you will end what I guess is a wonderful relationship. But if you do it right, you might not get exactly what you want, but you can still keep her as a friend. So what am I suggesting? Tell her exactly how you feel and write it down if you think you might not be able to say it. Tell her how your feelings have changed as you have grown older and how you feel about her now. Don't suggest any next steps. This is a time to share as you would with any good friend and hopefully she will understand.

Just ask her what she feels at this time. If she feels the way you do, then you are all set. If not, you can let her know that you cherish her friendship a lot and nothing will change if you do not have a romantic relationship. That is why you were so direct and honest with her in the first place and knew that she would understand. It is also important to understand that you must respect her decision and her as a person no matter what her decision is. If she rejects a romantic relationship with you, she is not rejecting you; she is simply rejecting the notion that a romantic relationship with a childhood friend is a bad idea.

A small possibility exists that your relationship with her might change forever and may never be the same again. But this is a risk that you might want to take so that you will have closure on this issue. If she gives you a decision one way, it will be easier for you to move on, even if she is no longer even your friend.

Related article: Even couples should have good friends