What do you need to make relationships work?

Some relationships are just not meant to be because the people in it are incompatible. Indeed there will be times that you will run into a person and click in the short term but then you realize that you may not be able to make the best couple. At that time, it is simply best to end the relationship and move on. (Related article: Ingredients of a happy relationship)

This is exactly what happened to Ed in Clifton, New Jersey. He has been with a woman for about an year now and did not really have a very healthy start to the relationship. In fact she was breaking up with her other boyfriend, while she was having an adulterous relationship with Ed.

She lacked the attitude and temperament a person needs to make a relationship in the early months work when things are typically rockier. It got to the point where they argued from morning to night. Time went on and then they started to finally get along. Around January of this year, they got a place together. Wondering that all their problems were financial, they decided to combine their assets in order to help each other. That did not help much either.

Ed says, "Although we still fought, it wasn't as often as before. It felt as though it was beginning to get better. Then we started to have communication breakdown. She's thinking of one thing and I'm totally on the opposite side. I love her very much but I see her talking to other people. She gives me the feeling that she would rather talk to other man than me. I sometimes get the feeling that she doesn't want to be around any more. Lately, she' been talking about moving out, not breaking up, but just live separately. Recently, we sat down and discussed our problems out in the open. What bothered her, what bothered me, etc. It seemed to be working on my part but I'm not so sure about her. She keeps referring to how much of a bad person she is and that I should really consider if I want to be with her because she's been feeling that she needs to live on her own. It feels like no matter what I did or said, it wasn't enough for her. She says that she's tired of fighting and not being able to communicate with me. I feel that if she does move out, this relationship is pretty much over because I don't think this relationship is important to her any more. Should I just let it ride and let her move out? Should I keep trying to fix it? Is it fixable? What should I do?"

Based on what you have described, it seems that this relationship is unlikely to work unless both of you decide to put your heart and soul into it for months and take the help of a personal advisor or therapist. It looks as if you have done your best but this lady is not ready for a healthy relationship in some ways. She has cheated in the past, she seems to be flirting with other men now, she fights with you, and she is jut not happy being with you.

So it is for you to decide how long you want to try. My recommendation is that if you both are not equally committed to making it work and do not have a therapist to work with you, you might simply be wasting your time and making both of you unhappy in the process. So it might just be best to let her move out and then both of you can move on.

Since she is the one asking to move out right now, it will make things easy for both of you, and particularly you. You can end it on a happy note, settle personal finances, and still try to stay as friends.

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