Let us review Lynn's case, who was a "happily divorced" woman until she started to be pursued by Michael, who had divorced just three weeks ago. "He actively persued me until I agreed to go out with him. We became inseparable until April when he broke down and told me that he cannot "do this" anymore. He said that he felt I would want more than he was prepared to give me commitment-wise. Since then, I have spoken with him a couple of times. He says that he needs space. Yet, he is very emotional and is crying whenever he talks to me. I have asked him if it is guilt and he says that it is only a part of it. I have told him that I don't blame him and that he needs to sort things through for himself. Should I leave him alone completely? Am I wasting my time? I have a lot of feelings for him but no anger. However, I am in a lot of emotional pain. I am hurt that he let it go this far and keep asking myself "why me" and "what did I do." I am trying to get on with my life but I have a knot in my chest that tends to overwhelm me. Please help me." (Related: How to handle emotional pain after divorce)
When people get a divorce or go through a breakup after a long period of being in a relationship, they feel a sense of emptiness that can be overwhelming. People react in one of the two ways.
- Some withdraw from relationships altogether since they lose trust in the value of a relationships.
- Others, get into a relationship with the first person that they meet with.
In case of the end of a relationship due to death of a partner, the mourning period is actually very helpful since it allows a person to take some time off from the stress of a relationship and start fresh after recharging. I personally recommend to all my clients that after an end to a relationship, they should simply take a 90-day break from a committed relationship even if they meet the perfect partner on the planet.
In your case, I suspect that he got into a relationship to fill the vacuum in his life and to satisfy his ego that even though his wife did not want him, he was still capable of having a relationship. As time passed, he realized that a relationship with you was not what he wanted. It may actually not reflect anything on you at all. It is just that he is now thinking more clearly. You may have done nothing wrong at all; it is just your misfortune that you ended up in this situation.
My recommendation is that you should simply leave him alone and try to move on. He may not be the same again and might be an emotional drain on you. Just take it as one of those life lessons learned - never date a desperate man.
- By Pierre Coda