Dating tips for shy teenagers
As we have discussed previously, dating for teenagers is not easy, simply because some of the emotions that they have to deal with, even grownups find hard to deal with. Gaby is dealing with a whole set of complex issues while she figures how she can approach the boy of her dreams. (Related article: Dating tips for teenagers)
Gaby writes, "He's a senior and I'm only a sophomore, but we're in one class together (because I'm taking hard classes). At our school, we have these retreats for sophomores, which are led by senior volunteers of this club he is in. So he ended up being my retreat leader. I was initially not excited about it, but I noticed that he asked me questions more than he asked anyone else in our group (maybe because he kind of knew me before though). We also ended up sitting next to each other quite a lot, and, again, making eye contact. That was when I started noticing him, and liking him. It was raining really hard that day, and we had to walk through the rain. I didn't look too good, but I was surprised at how nice he still was (but I guess he was supposed to be, since he was the leader). Anyhow, we had to do the sign of peace at the end, and I was totally not expecting it, but he gave me a really good and warm hug. I felt his hand linger on my back as I was stepping away. Does this mean anything, or is it just a hugging style some people possess? When we arrived back at school and started to walk to our lockers, he was ahead of me, but he turned around to look at me. I didn't feel like saying "hi" because I just saw him, but the next time we saw each other, I couldn't do it either. I see him often in class or in the halls (everyday), and I still haven't said "hi" yet. My friends tell me to just say "hi," but it feels weird to start saying it now, since I've never said it before. I just don't see why HE can't initiate the first exchange of greetings, especially since he's a guy and he's older. He knows I see him, and he looks back at me, but we basically just...STARE at each other! It drives me crazy! Also, I really think he knows I like him. But basically, I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm the one who has eye contact problems...hmmmm. Maybe there's some unstated rule about dating younger girls in high school. Man, I'm so bad at this game. Please give me some advice."
While Gaby's problem sounds trivial, it is not. In fact I have helped many adults deal with problems like this. Regarding the hug, I would say that generally it does mean a lot. You can feel the warmth when it is genuine and since you felt it, I am guessing that he was trying to send a subtle message to you. Of course, some people are just warm by nature and put their heart into a hug, and that is great since you know that you are dealing with a warm person even if this specific hug was nothing special.
It is perfectly fine to start saying Hi even now. There is absolutely nothing wrong that you have done by holding back so far. If things work out with him, you can simply confess to him later that you were just shy to do it. It happens all the time. When we genuinely like someone, we often get tongue-tied; even grownups. (Related article: How to overcome shyness?)
There is another idea that you have to get out of your head. Just being a man or being older than you does not mean much. Men and women can be shy at any age. And older boys can be shy too. So if you move forward one step he may move three step forward. But if you stay still, he may be scared of even taking the first one. So by greeting and smiling, you will give the right signals for him to make a move and then you should reciprocate.
So what I would suggest is that the next time you see him, and when you make eye contact with him, please smile. I know you are probably nervous just thinking about it but the smile will come naturally when you feel in your heart that you want to give yourself to him. And then smile again every time you see him and try small talk with him. If nothing, it is always easy to talk about school or classes or sports or weather or anything that two human beings can talk about without being in love. And try to make it easy for him. So if he is shy to approach you in front of other folks, then try to run into him in a place where you both can be "alone" without too many people. For instance, in an aisle in the library.
Hopefully he will get it and take the next step and things will work out for you.
Related articles
Breakup tips for teenagers
Highschool classmates
- by Pierre Coda
Gaby writes, "He's a senior and I'm only a sophomore, but we're in one class together (because I'm taking hard classes). At our school, we have these retreats for sophomores, which are led by senior volunteers of this club he is in. So he ended up being my retreat leader. I was initially not excited about it, but I noticed that he asked me questions more than he asked anyone else in our group (maybe because he kind of knew me before though). We also ended up sitting next to each other quite a lot, and, again, making eye contact. That was when I started noticing him, and liking him. It was raining really hard that day, and we had to walk through the rain. I didn't look too good, but I was surprised at how nice he still was (but I guess he was supposed to be, since he was the leader). Anyhow, we had to do the sign of peace at the end, and I was totally not expecting it, but he gave me a really good and warm hug. I felt his hand linger on my back as I was stepping away. Does this mean anything, or is it just a hugging style some people possess? When we arrived back at school and started to walk to our lockers, he was ahead of me, but he turned around to look at me. I didn't feel like saying "hi" because I just saw him, but the next time we saw each other, I couldn't do it either. I see him often in class or in the halls (everyday), and I still haven't said "hi" yet. My friends tell me to just say "hi," but it feels weird to start saying it now, since I've never said it before. I just don't see why HE can't initiate the first exchange of greetings, especially since he's a guy and he's older. He knows I see him, and he looks back at me, but we basically just...STARE at each other! It drives me crazy! Also, I really think he knows I like him. But basically, I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm the one who has eye contact problems...hmmmm. Maybe there's some unstated rule about dating younger girls in high school. Man, I'm so bad at this game. Please give me some advice."
While Gaby's problem sounds trivial, it is not. In fact I have helped many adults deal with problems like this. Regarding the hug, I would say that generally it does mean a lot. You can feel the warmth when it is genuine and since you felt it, I am guessing that he was trying to send a subtle message to you. Of course, some people are just warm by nature and put their heart into a hug, and that is great since you know that you are dealing with a warm person even if this specific hug was nothing special.
It is perfectly fine to start saying Hi even now. There is absolutely nothing wrong that you have done by holding back so far. If things work out with him, you can simply confess to him later that you were just shy to do it. It happens all the time. When we genuinely like someone, we often get tongue-tied; even grownups. (Related article: How to overcome shyness?)
There is another idea that you have to get out of your head. Just being a man or being older than you does not mean much. Men and women can be shy at any age. And older boys can be shy too. So if you move forward one step he may move three step forward. But if you stay still, he may be scared of even taking the first one. So by greeting and smiling, you will give the right signals for him to make a move and then you should reciprocate.
So what I would suggest is that the next time you see him, and when you make eye contact with him, please smile. I know you are probably nervous just thinking about it but the smile will come naturally when you feel in your heart that you want to give yourself to him. And then smile again every time you see him and try small talk with him. If nothing, it is always easy to talk about school or classes or sports or weather or anything that two human beings can talk about without being in love. And try to make it easy for him. So if he is shy to approach you in front of other folks, then try to run into him in a place where you both can be "alone" without too many people. For instance, in an aisle in the library.
Hopefully he will get it and take the next step and things will work out for you.
Related articles
Breakup tips for teenagers
Highschool classmates
- by Pierre Coda
posted by eCreativa Media | 3:53 PM
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