Swinging lifestyle is not for everyone

In November 2004, Oprah did a show "Secret Sex in the Suburbs" in which a few couples agreed to be on the show and talk about their swinging lifestyle that involved swapping spouses. There were many surprises, of course. Unlike what most people might believe, these were in all other respect regular suburban couples that you wouldn't even notice otherwise. And naive that I was - many of them were not even gorgeous looking. There was a lot of discussion about it in America and as one can expect it is still a very controversial topic particularly in conservative America. No wonder, swingers keep it quiet.

James and his wife Nicole are in their late 40s and he says that they have a very good relationship. "We love each very much and are quite happy. The weird thing that we have been runing into at family events and parties with friends is that it seems that they are into swapping partners and come on to us without any encourgement from either one of us. It seems as if we don't start swinging with them, we may not be welcome any more. What should we do?"

There are three possibilities why this is happening:

1. They just find it difficult to believe that while it is their way of living and it is so good, why are you out of it. So they try to tempt you to join them.
2. Without realizing, you or your spouse may be sending a positive message to them leading to the confusion. You need to think critically what is it that you are doing wrong.
3. They think that since you know about their secret but are not part of their group, it will be difficult for them to keep it a secret and you might share this with others, causing them embarrassment. However, if you are part of the game, then you will stay quiet too.

So what can you do to stop this if that is what you want?

Just tell everyone one day that, while you have no objection to their following a swinging lifestyle and you enjoy their friendship and company, it is not for you and you are not interested in even trying it. Or just enjoy the attention that you both get when hanging out with other couples. No one can force you particularly they being so close to you but it will definitely spice up your relationship as a couple.

Related article: Having good couple friends is healthy for a relationship