Couple with 41 years age gap

While the current hot topic is younger men dating older women, the trend of older men in relationships with much younger women is not over. However, we have been surprised by one of our reader's story. She writes, "I am 31, and my significant other just turned 72. We have a great relationship. Most of the people in our lives, his 3 daughters, (his youngest is 9 years older than me), and my 3 children (12, 7, and 4) are all fine with our relationship. Of course, in the begining, there were questions from everyone. But now, there are only a couple people in our lives - my dad and step-mom, and his 24 year old grandson that has a problem. I was married before, he is widowed. We care about each other and we support each other, take care of ourselves and each other, and we both learn a lot from each other. I never imagined I would ever meet someone this special. By the way, he is not particularly wealthy, so I can't be accused of being a gold-digger. The hardest part is being in public. People think he is my grandfather, and when they find out our relationship are pretty obviously taken back. It is hard to meet others that can relate, and it is hard to know how to respond to confrontation. Any advice?"

Well, in over five years that we have operated LuvCube talking about such relationships, you are probably the couple with the biggest age gap. In any case, the most high profile case is that of Anna Nicole Smith and her husband J. Howard Marshall II since they had an age gap of 63 years. While she always claimed that he was the love of her life, no one believed her and called her a gold-digger.

While people are more accepting, as you have found out, your case is an exception. In other words, what it means is that you will have to live with this the rest of your life and learn to deal with it. Let me give you an example. My wife does not use my last name. So it is not uncommon for people to address us by each other's last names depending who they know. So the phone company (phone is in her name) always addresses me using her last name. What can we do? There is nothing offensive about it but it is awkward at times for me to be called at times with a last name that I love but is not mine.

How to deal with the situation?

This is what I would suggest. In situations where it is only temporary (e.g. when you check into a hotel and the clerk does not realize that he is your boyfriend), there is no reason to correct or to engage in a conversation trying to clarify it. You will only be making your life difficult. On the other hand, for people that must understand - family members, friends, etc. - you must politely and without embarassment - correct them. There is no reason to give long explanations. We all have a right to fall in love with anyone we choose to and others should respect that.

The sad reality of the world is that people just expect things to be a certain way. Men will only marry women. Children will only be born to heterosexual couples. People will only marry others like them. Remember not too long ago it was a scandal to marry someone of another race.

I would say that just because of the public reaction you should not stop living your life. Live your life as if his age is not an issue. Eventually people will see the beauty of it all and get used to it. Some idiots, though, never will. Don't worry about the idiots.