Rules of engagement for relationship with military men

Relationship with miltary men/women is not easy. You never know when they may have to answer the call of duty. Of course, all men and women who love these people need to be supported, but sometimes a breakup makes sense so that others can move on with their lives.

Dave and Jenna are such a couple who decided to take a break from their relationship so that he could go and serve his country. They have been together for four years and he has a commitment to serve in the armed forces for four years. "While I am doubtful it will work out when I am back, but Jenna is convinced we will be back together. She has made it clear that while we are apart we will continue dating but will make no commitments. What are some suggestions you would offer to help ease the heartbreak while I'm off bettering myself and our country?" he asks.

You both deserve my congratulations for taking such a mature attitude towards your relationship. As you both understand, four years is a very long time and a lot can change. What I do not like about your agreement is that you will make no commitments to others who you will be dating. Isn't it unfair to them that you will be "using" them in some way?

If you date, then be ready to commit

If you two are so committed to each other that you will not commit to anyone else, then you should not breakup and have a long-distance relationship. On the other hand, if you wish to date other people, you should date as if this relationship is over. And at the end of four years, when you return, if both of you are still single and interested in purusing a relationship, then you should talk about it.

However, if you still want to pursue the agreement that you both have, then in all fairness to the people you may be dating, you should be up front about your situation. Tell them that you are clearly not looking for a serious relationship, just casually dating without commitment, because you do have someone special in your life.

Also, insofar as both of you are concerned, make sure that you both stay in touch through email, letters, phone, etc. on a regular basis to the extent possible.