Dating after divorce should be slow
Natalie is a single mom with two children in elementary school. She is separated from her husband of 11 years and has decided to seek a divorce. "Only recently I decided to date (check out our free dating website) and found a wonderful man. It was love at first sight. He was also separated, and like me, wanted to divorce his wife too, but they were still living in the same house. After dating for two months, he told me that he needs his space and time to figure out what he really wants. What should I do? I am giving him his space he asked for and he has told me that we did not breakup and that he just needs his space and time. How should I handle this development?" she asks.
Dating after divorce is somewhat complicated for both men and women and even more so when the divorce is not yet final. Both men and women completely change their thinking about relationships and marriage after divorce because they start looking at whole live very differently. In some ways, it is a good thing because they can now think before they act. And that is exactly what he is doing.
My advice to you would be to leave him alone for the time being by not pressuring him to go out on dates. It doesn't hurt, though, to occasionally email him politely to check up on him and share how you and kids are doing. If you push hard at this point, it will be frustrating for both of you.
You should also tell him that you would like to give him whatever number of days you feel comfortable with, say, 30 or 60 days, to come up with his plan forward. In the meantime, you should tell him that both of you are free to see other people. Imagine that he comes back to you 2 months later and tells you that after all he does not want a relationship with you. You would have wasted all this time particularly if you end up meeting someone nice. You can tell him that you are not breaking up with him either; you just want to keep your options open. It wouldn't be fair for him to expect that you will just wait for him even when he does not want to commit anything at all.
Dating after divorce is somewhat complicated for both men and women and even more so when the divorce is not yet final. Both men and women completely change their thinking about relationships and marriage after divorce because they start looking at whole live very differently. In some ways, it is a good thing because they can now think before they act. And that is exactly what he is doing.
My advice to you would be to leave him alone for the time being by not pressuring him to go out on dates. It doesn't hurt, though, to occasionally email him politely to check up on him and share how you and kids are doing. If you push hard at this point, it will be frustrating for both of you.
You should also tell him that you would like to give him whatever number of days you feel comfortable with, say, 30 or 60 days, to come up with his plan forward. In the meantime, you should tell him that both of you are free to see other people. Imagine that he comes back to you 2 months later and tells you that after all he does not want a relationship with you. You would have wasted all this time particularly if you end up meeting someone nice. You can tell him that you are not breaking up with him either; you just want to keep your options open. It wouldn't be fair for him to expect that you will just wait for him even when he does not want to commit anything at all.
Labels: commitment, dating, divorce, relationship
posted by eCreativa Media | 4:49 PM
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