How can I make my first time special?

Alexis writes, "This is an important time in my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been dating for over a year and we are talking about the next step in our relationship. We enjoy many things together. I am sure the next step in our relationship will include lovemaking. Does this seem like a good time? Is it possible to engage in lovemaking without having sex? We can just take our time and not worry about being bothered. I want to create a romantic setting. Any ideas? I am thinking about candles burning in my room (so it is candle lit), perfume, and soft background music. Are these good ideas?"

It is great that you waited a while to get to know this man before making love.

Obviously, making love, especially for the first time, should be done with as much time and privacy as possible. Both partners, not matter how old and experienced, are nervous and doing it in a hurry can spoil everything.

Now the terms lovemaking and sex are often used interchangeably but I am guessing that you are saying that lovemaking means no penetration. What constitutes sex is somewhat confusing and different people look at it differently but yes, it is possible to please your partner and yourself through kissing, hugging, cuddling, masturbation, and oral sex and wait to have penetration.

Regarding creating a romantic setting, yes, candles are always great (though to be honest, girls appreciate it more than guys do) but I like the idea of background music. The most important thing is the nightwear you choose to wear. And since you two will be alone and things heat up even before you get to the bedroom, I also suggest that you wear a beautiful bra and panty, in case you never get to the point of dressing up for the night.

Regarding time needed to make love, I would say that take the clock and put it in a drawer. The last thing you want to do is to worry about time. The more the better.

Regarding the timing of the intercourse, it all depends on your values and priorities. I know that many girls lose their virginity at the age of 13 while a few choose to wait till they are married. Many women have sex on the first date, while others wait for the third, and some do not until they are married. So it is something that you have to think for yourself and then discuss it with your boyfriend.

Regarding having great sex that makes both of you happy, my advice is that just go with the flow and try not to follow the rules too much. I mean if he comes over at 3 PM and while watching a movie on the couch in the afternoon, things heat up, then just go ahead and have fun. Don't get too concerned about the candle-lit bedroom. In any case, you can have sex multiple times so it is a good idea to do it yet once more before sleeping.

And be open minded about trying new things and do not expect perfection from you or him, especially the first time. While virgins have a hard time the first time, sex is a bit awkward even for two adults when they do it the first time.