My boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue

Linda writes, "My boyfriend of 5 months just out of the blue broke up with me. We were friends for almost 4 years before we started dating. At first he said he didn't feel like the relationship was going anywhere, he was bored and he just didn't think he could see himself with me in the future. After collecting all my things from his house, and leaving, I realized I still had many unanswered questions. We met two days later for dinner and he admitted that he just didn't know if he was ready to be in a committed relationship. He said he had a lot going on in his head that he had no clue how to deal with and the breakup was more of him than anything I did. I just feel very lost now without him. He did seem genuine when we talked, he even shed a few tears. I just don't understand if he is so upset and unhappy like me, then why are we going through this? Should I just give him space and see if he realizes that he is in love with me and misses me greatly? I need advice on how to move on from this.

I know exactly how it feels. A breakup out of the blue with someone that you know so well and love can be devastating.

I think this is going on. Looks like he wanted to be your friend all along and changing that into a relationship was not the right thing to do for him. Friendship is one thing, and as any woman knows well, a committed relationship is a different animal altogether. Women want commitment and that also means that they start talking about engagement, wedding, children, home, etc. and if the man is not on the same page, that can be a terrifying thought for him.

Now remember that he might also have had second thoughts about you. I have some wonderful and I love them a lot but I would never date them. What it means is that not all great friends are good lover material. That could have been another realization for him.

Please also remember that men and women deal with breakups differently. In any case, he has had more time to deal with this and is not as much a shock to him as it is for you.

At this time, I think you want to work with the hypothesis that this relationship, and possibly your friendship, is over forever. It is best to leave him alone and try to forget him. Take this idea out of your head that "he is in love with me and misses me greatly." He is not in love with you, otherwise, he would have never broken up with you. In any case, he might have soft feelings for you because of a long friendship and his breaking up for no fault of yours, it still does not mean that he loves you and will come back to you.

Linda, it was not a very long relationship and the sooner you can move on the better it is.