My husband is having an affair with a colleague

Anne writes, "My husband works with a female and they talk all the time. One day we ran into her at a public place, he went to speak to her and she would not speak back. I was with him and this was the first time I would have met her. She acted as though she didn't know him. This sparked something in me. I asked my husband what's was going on. He claims he didn't know. I told him if she couldn't speak to you in front of me then he shouldn't be talking to her anymore. However they still speak all the time. I checked the phone records and confronted him. He swears they are just friends. I believe this is total disrespect to me and that she keeps him as a friend despite her disrespect to me. He says I'm overreacting. I know I'm not but what is your opinion about husbands with female friends?"

As a married man my rule of thumb is that all females and couples friends should socialize with my wife in all cases; if they do not want my wife, I have no need for their friendship because I offer the same (the only exceptions are group settings that may include my male buddies, and obviously, all business/professional meetings).

In other words, if your husband is reluctant or embarrassed to hang out with her in your presence, something is not right.

Having said that, if your relationship is otherwise great and you have no other complaints with him or your marriage, you can give him some freedom to have personal friends. Maybe there is something special about her that fulfills a part of his life, maybe he enjoys her company for some special reason; the reality is that you cannot stop him from talking to her and if you desperately tried to do so, you will only create a lot of bitterness in your marriage. He might just resent you a lot for this. Unless he has stopped loving you and has abandoned you for the sake of this girl, it might very well be a harmless friendship that you might be making a big deal about. I have had female friends from my single days, and they are so dear to me, and my wife is fine with that as long as I am a great husband otherwise.