How to improve communication with my online boyfriend?

Megan writes, "I read on your blog that you had a long distance relationship and am looking for a little advice/feedback. Robert, my long distance boyfriend that I met through online dating but am yet to see him in person, and I had a couple of significant misunderstandings that made me back off for a while - deal breakers, so to speak. I had pretty well decided it couldn't work and he came on chat this morning - we sorted out the issues - and are back on track. Our modes of and needs for communication seem to differ greatly. I am an instructor and need/want lots of regular communication - he seems satisfied with sporadic intense sessions, will leave sessions without planning the next one, etc. I am gaining in confidence that he cares and wants the relationship - he is very consistent with that - and that the lack of communication for days means he is busy. Neither of us have trust issues regarding each other and other people. He is a pilot and their personality includes and ON or OFF characteristic - and I guess when he is flying he is OFF as regards communicating with me. I am getting accustomed to that as I see he cares consistently even if he does not communicate it regularly. He is coming here next week - and we will see if the positive elements we have in online communication are present face to face and then go from there. I am quite nervous - having feelings of inadequacy etc. - to be expected, I suppose. Any feedback regarding your own experiences is welcomed."

Yes, with my (now) wife I had a long distance relationship for 2 years but I had known her well before that. Indeed, distance made things very complicated. If I was stuck with a customer having dinner and if she called after 8 PM, she almost sometimes assumed that I was with another woman. It was during the era of no email or web and international phone calls were expensive (plus the 11 hour time difference) and that means it was not easy to provide a lot of explanation. I still wrote letters to clear up doubts and misunderstanding, and with time, she became more appreciative of the fact that I need to have a life even if it means that I was not at home each evening grieving over a girlfriend separated from me.

In the end, we made it work by frequent phone calls and visits. I think we were able to be physically together every 3-5 months and that gave us opportunities to catch up and clear up misunderstandings. So my advice is that keep the communication channels open and even though he may be silent for a few days, a few emails from you will help in the meantime. Plus, you will need to tune yourself to his communication styles. I am almost professorial in my communication pointing out each and every, even minor detail, but my wife is not. She often assumes that I know it or should know it, and now when she says, "You know what I mean," I actually respond, "No, I don't; and can you please explain as if you would to a 6 year old."

You guys have not met yet and that is why it is even harder. So the first meeting will definitely build trust. First meeting in such circumstances is also often full of surprises and disappointments so be prepared for that.