I am afraid that I will always be single and never marry

Amanda does not like the way her efforts at dating and having a relationship have turned out:

"I hate that I can’t keep a guy. I don’t go out looking for a guy; it just happens that way. Every year since I was a freshman in college, I have had a different guy almost every year. And it hurts because I don’t date them instantly; I wait 3 to 4 months of talking before I take the next step of officially dating as a couple. But for some reason the past two guy I have dated including this latest one has broken my heart after they have graduated. It seems like these two guys were ready for a long term relationship but once they move back home they decide that either they want to break up or take a break. It’s very upsetting because I told myself that I wasn’t going to put myself out there to get hurt so I didn’t. The past two guys came after me for me being myself not trying at all to impress them. But after getting to really know them and seeing how they are attracted to me and that is why I dated them but I ended up getting hurt. So I hate that I am not able to keep a guy that I really like.

I am scared that I am going to be alone rather than having a family of my own.

I hate being hit on at the gym, where I spend up to two hours daily. I am a very nice girl and smile all the time but I really dislike when guys come up to me and talk about my body. I have met a lot of people at the gym but a lot of them are guys. I have one close friend that I have met at the gym who didn’t come and hit on me as I was working out. He came to me after I was done with my workout and gave me some advice on how to improve my workout so that was really nice. So now he and I pretty much meet at the gym every day as friends. But other than him I don’t like being hit on while I am sweaty. I don’t want to say that I am being selfish but with my insecurities of not thinking I am pretty doesn’t help when I am being hit on when I’m sweaty with no makeup on.

My last boyfriend decided that we need a break from each other. I am not sure what a break is but I told him that if that’s what he wants then okay. No fight or argument, nor any type of anger from either side. So I am now a little more discouraged about this whole dating situation. Please help this naive girl figure out her way in the world of romance."

What can Amanda do?

I know a lot of wonderful women who are single in their 40s or are married to men that they hate. Relationships are not as simple as buying a car -- you do the research, take a test drive, maintain it well, and the car is faithful to you. It takes time and a lot of good luck to find the right partner. You are still very young and still learning the game of dating and relationship.

Secondly, college is not always the best place to find a life-long partner. Everyone wants to date as much as they can and learn how everything works. They also know that after graduation everyone will move on other things completely jeopardizing whatever investment they made into the relationship. Yes, some do get lucky and find the love of their life in college, but most people find their life-long lovers after they graduate.

Indeed, some of your relationships have gone sour, but that does not mean that this is the end and there is something wrong with you. The more you try the more your chances of finding a man that you compatible with. Eventually, you will marry him, go on a honeymoon, have a home, and then a family. Time will come for everything.

Being hit on means people are attracted to you

Regarding your experience in the gym, I mean think for one moment, do you really expect to discuss global warming with people in the gym? If you go to an art museum and start a conversation, will you discuss sports or politics? I am surprised to know that about you, but I like to be hit on. It boosts my ego, gives me a kick that people still find me attractive. So when guys are hitting on you, it is because they find you attractive and just don't want to lose the opportunity. And now I know you are all concerned about your sweat and lack of makeup or being dressed in your workout clothes, but trust me, as a guy I can tell you, that even at a party, I don't care much about makeup or hair. Yes, I like stylish women but when I run into a woman at the Home Depot, I do not expect her to be very stylish.

In other words, men understand and expect to see women dressed up and made up in a certain way. Thus, a gym outfit with sweat is necessarily not a turnoff but could even turn many on since sweat is often a turnon for many men and nothing excites fitness buffs than a girl who likes to hang out in the gym for 2 hours. You are misreading the intentions of these men and probably losing opportunities to meet some good men.