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Tuesday, June 02, 2009

I am self conscious in front of girls

Josh writes, "I often get looks and stares from girls about being tall. I am only a little over 6' 3. I am concerned about this. I do not feel that women treat me seriously. I do not look for relationships but often feel threatened by them. I sometimes attract older women which is uncomfortable for me. I have realized that dating older women is not for me because of my low self esteem. I also get laughed at by other guys of my race (African-American). I do not wish to start anything confrontational with people, but it seems that people may be threatened by me or something else. I know that I am not paranoid, but I do notice something wrong or a change. My idea is not to attract a lot of girls, but good people. How should I go about this?"

Actually, height is a big advantage and almost all women like tall men, though, very short women maybe reluctant to approach you because they know that you may not like short women and it will be an incompatible match. In any case, you should not feel bad about your body that you were born with, as long as you do not have a big tummy or are not fat because that has health implications.

Regarding being taken seriously, well, you have to be serious first. If you are always kidding around, then, no one take you seriously.

During recent years it is common for older women to chase younger men and that should make you feel nothing different than a woman your age chasing you. However, if you are not interested, you can politely say that you are looking to date someone around your age.

As you have admitted yourself, you seem to be way too conscious of yourself and that has led to lower self esteem and lack of confidence. You have a victim mentality and imagined fears that others are out to get you. That is not likely the case -- most people are so self-absorbed these days that they hardly care how others look or behave.

Raising self esteem is not something difficult to do. You do seem to be liked by girls and all you need to do is to go out there and conquer the world. If you have access to a mentor or life coach or counselor or a good friend, I strongly suggest that you reach out to him to help you build your confidence, develop positive body image, not just for falling in love but also in other aspects of your life, like career.

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