We will try to highlight the importance of romantic communication among couples. What we have concluded through discussions with over a dozen couples last week is that not only women but even men like romantic communication. Now we are not talking about writing poems or just saying "romantic" words; what we are talking about are all kinds of communication between a couple that is related to their relationship, their bond with each other, and how they feel about each other. So when you see your husband going to work and he looks good in his new Hugo Boss shirt, tell him. It will make him feel good and he will love you even more for it for noticing it and then saying it. His secretary or colleagues might say the same thing but that is not romantic. Similarly, when your wife or girlfriend comes out of the shower and you notice her hair or her fragrance or her body, mention what you like; she will appreciate it.

As relationships mature it is not just words that matter; even actions can be equally powerful. For example, bringing flowers or small gifts or doing exactly what your partner wanted are all equally romantic things.

What else does romantic communication do?

• It strengthens the bond between a couple.
• It makes communication on all other topic so much smoother. Our research showed that both men and women sometimes do not share their most intimate desires with each other because they think that they do not have the right level of communication with them. How awful! So be romantic as much as you can and this will improve your communication so that your partner talks about his/her most intimate thoughts with YOU and not with some stranger in an online chat room.
• When you share how you feel about your partner, your partner is also motivated to do the same; otherwise, she or he feels guilty that she or he is holding back. So give some of your thoughts and wait for a response and then give back some more. Very soon you will be communicating like very close friends.
• Don't be embarrassed about the topics that you want to include in your romantic communications. If you are reserved with your own partner, who else will you go to?

So open your heart to your own partner and all you will get in return is more love. Romantic communication is the key to making two partners understand each other to a level that one does not have to say what she or he wants and the other partner knows exactly what it is and that is when things really become good.

Suggested reading: Communication among married couples

We have recently started to publish some of our findings from discussions that we have been having with our pool of volunteers (both couples and singles). In an article published, we addressed the topic of how women are often too concerned about their bodies and withdraw from intimacy from their partners. But women are also saying that it is not entirely their fault that they are withdrawing from intimacy. Men are to be blamed as well for lack of creativity and failing to appreciate women's needs.

While it is true that many men are too selfish when it comes to physical intimacy. "If I came, she must have come too", is the standard male attitude because he does not want to doubt his capabilities to perform in bed. But let us be fair by also mentioning that we have seen a sharp rise in emails from men who often wonder they may not be pleasing their partners as much as they would like to do and their partners are being quiet and not complaining. What can they do to please her?

So what do women really want?

This is a question that confounds all men (even those that have spent their whole lives with them). One thing is for sure: a woman and a man think quite differently about physical intimacy. For him, it is largely about his climax. For her, it is about developing a more intimate bond with her partner, whether the climax is reached or not every time. Thus, a woman might be perfectly happy with lying on her partner's chest and feeling his love as he strokes her back.

Or in other words, physical intimacy in the mind of a woman is akin to a five-course meal:

1. Hors d'Oeuvres: The setting, the words, the mood, the music...
2. Appetizer: The seduction
3. Soup: The kisses all over
4. Entree: The penetration
5. Dessert: Cuddling, hugs, and light chat

Tips for men

• Don't just focus on your own needs
• Take your time; the longer the better
• Do not ever believe that you are done when you have come
• Her mood is everything; watch carefully and act accordingly
• If in doubt, ask her

Related

How to last longer

How to please men

Passionate time with your lover

Pheromones

How to spice it up in bedroom

Couples make love

As we have been exploring the exploding trend among women to date younger men (Related link: Older women dating younger men), one of the theme that is emerging is women lying about their age. From a series of discussions that we have had with these women, we have learned that they just wanted to get into the relationship and did not realize that it could get serious some day. Janet says, "I told my boyfriend that I was eight years younger than I was just to date someone younger hoping that it would not last." Well, a lot of these relationships have lasted and many of these women face dilemmas of whether they should tell their real age or just hope that the relationship would just end.

Lisa, who is in a similar situation says, "I see no reason to tell my boyfriend right now about my age other than the fact that I fear hurting him if indeed he does want the relationship to last, and THEN he finds out." Nancy, who is 35 and is dating a 20 year old man (after telling him that she was 30), says, "The age gap has really taken a toll on us. He's embarrassed to tell his parents and friends about me. I think he will be shocked to find out that I am even older than I told him."

As we have pointed out in our analysis (Related link: It is fine to date younger men), it is perfectly fine in today's America to date anyone you feel the compatibility with. However, here are some rules for dating in such cases:

• Do not lie about your age, or for that matter, about anything else. Lies help no one. Most people appreciate honesty more than lies and you can sleep at night in peace that you lied to no one. If he is the type that does not care about age, it doesn't matter what the age difference is. A foundation of love laid on lies and deceit will not support the relationship for too long.
• Lying might be acceptable only in case of a one-night stand. If you plan to see this man the second time, come clean immediately. It is much better to start that way than just wait for the right moment to come since time flies by fast. As Janet says, "We've been seeing each other for almost a year now, and he still has no idea. I want to tell him the truth, but then again, I start to think about the fact that it may not last. Not that I have any reason to think this, but it may not. Things happen. So why should I speed it along and be truthful? This is confusing, I know, but what this boils down to is guilt and fear. Simply because I do think so much about him, and do secretly wish that it would last forever. Sad sad situation!" Don't fall into the trap laid by Janet for herself.
• We Americans are forgiving by our nature and always give people a chance for contrition, put the past behind them, and move on. So, please do tell him about the lies as soon as you can. There is a risk that you are taking that the relationship might end, but you are taking even a bigger risk if the relationship continues. After all you are playing with someone's emotions and also depriving that person of a chance to be with someone he will like to be for the rest of his life. Thus, your actions are absolutely unethical and immoral. As long as you are totally honest and genuinely sorry, there is a high possibility that the power of love will be stronger than the impact on the relationship due to age difference.

Related

Mature women dating younger guys

Challenges of dating a young man

Mature women are great girlfriends

Couples with big age gaps

Mature women are hot

Big age gap in dating is not an issue

Loving a younger man

Jenny from Brewster, New York, writes, "I am the type of girl who has always slept in a long T-shirt but since I got married three months ago, my husband has been insisting that I use some fine lingerie. I have checked out a few lingerie websites and I am so confused. Almost everything they sell is "too much" for me. I think I will feel too shy and maybe even uncomfortable. What can I shop for so that I am comfortable but it also satisfies my husband that I am wearing attractive lingerie for him?"

It is indeed true that many online lingerie stores push their most risque outfits, but it does not mean that there is no lingerie for girls like you. You just have to look harder. I think what your husband means is that he does not like your T-shirts but he has not indicated that he wants anything outrageous either. In any case, it is best to transition gradually. So, in my opinion, you should first try something that you feel comfortable in, and then if you wish, you can shop for more exotic lingerie later, at least for special occasions.

After receiving your email, I went "shopping" myself (Oh, I love to respond to such queries!) and picked out three items to at least give you an idea of what you might be able to choose from. You can, of course, choose from dozens of other choices available. Here is what I chose for you:

1. The first one that I like is a Floral Stretch Lace and Mesh Chemise that is just right for someone like you. The fabric is very soft and it just shows the right amount of skin so you will feel very comfortable even walking around your home. It is also great to sleep in.
2. The next one, a Floral Patterned Stretch Lace Chemise, is slightly more conservative since it even has sleeves. I also liked the tie front. Of course, I fell in love with the pink color which is my favorite for lingerie.
3. Finally, let me also recommend another Two Tone Stretch Lace and Mesh Chemise that has the right combination of color, embroidery, and risque factor. I think you will feel very comfortable wearing this and your husband will love you as well.

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Lingerie for middle aged women

A and AA cup bras

Small cup bras

Thongs for women

Patty in Amarillo, Texas, writes, "I thought I was a perfectly good-looking woman but as I am now in my late thirties, I am seeing signs of aging. Please note that I workout regularly, eat very healthy, and even practice yoga. I use only natural products and hardly any makeup. What is happening to me then? Am I not doing something right? Please help."

Well, believe it or not, there are some advantages to using makeup. Since most people who use makeup also use moisturizers, their skin benefits in two ways: first, the fine layer of makeup prevents loss of moisture, and two, they feed moisture to the skin.

Even normal skin needs protection from the effects of simply living. Aging, the sun, the general environment, all can cause tremendous damage. Developing the habit of moisturizing the skin, particularly with a product that contains a sun protection ingredient, is perhaps the most useful thing to be learnt in cosmetic care. Almost everyone at every age need to moisturize their skins. Just think of an orange peel if you leave it on the table for a couple of hours in the sun. It looks really bad because it has lost all its moisture. That is what happens to your skin. You develop wrinkles and start looking old. We are losing moisture all the time due to exposure to Nature, by using products that can reduce the level of oil that we have on our skin, and of course, both heating and cooling do a lot of harm.

If the skin is to remain smooth and supple, it needs to maintain an adequate moisture level. You can do this by applying a moisturizer as frequently as you need. We like DDF EPF Moisturizer C3 SPF 15, which is a lightweight moisturizer, excellent with or without make-up, to protect skin from environmental damage. If you use only one product to protect you skin, this is it! It not only provides moisture but also protection against sun.

And remember that using on a moisturizer does not mean that you should not drink water. We always recommend that you drink as much water as you possibly can, particularly while you are in an air-conditioned building or working out or on a hot day.

Related

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Microdermabrasion

"My husband and I are organizing a theme party and we have invited three more couples. While we announced in the invitation that the theme is Arabian Nights, it is not mandatory for anyone to wear a costume though we expect that almost everyone will have something related to Arabian Nights. My husband is rather shy and he is only planning to use a turban which he received as a gift during a business trip to Kuwait, but I plan to dress up like a dancer. How can I prepare a costume for myself and what else can we do to entertain our guests?"

We at LuvCube.com have found through our research that it is very important for couples to interact with other couples. Couples can learn a lot from each other. In that context, it is an excellent idea to organize parties where you can invite other couples (preferably without kids). This gives you an opportunity to talk and really get to know each other.

Theme parties are a great improvement since wearing a costume and getting into the theme relaxes everyone. That way everyone has a great time and sometimes a different aspect of one's personality is revealed. Proper, sit-down formal meals are fine but it is good to have some variety as well.

For the Arabian Nights theme, what we would suggest is that you better not try to make the costume on your own. Most American women do not have anything that can be improvised. It is best to simply buy an Arabian Nights costume online. They are fairly inexpensive and come as a kit. Our favorite is the Arabian Princess Costume that comes in many colors. To make the appearance completely authentic, it even has a veil. You can add jewelry on your own if you wish.

What we also like about this costume is that it is something that you can wear in front of people that you don't know very well. It is very attractive, not revealing, and totally aligned with the theme of your party.

There are a few other things you can do to make your party more lively:

• Middle-eastern music
• Middle-eastern snacks
• Entertainment, e.g., dancing. I think you don't have to be a professional to dance a little bit and ask other couples to join.

Related:

Fondue party

Fun activities for couples

Nancy from Westchester, New York, writes, "I am what you will call a conservative girl considering that I work as a marketing manager for a Fortune 500 company. I have recently started to date a gentleman, who is himself a corporate executive, but also drives a Harley Davidson bike sometimes. I like that part of his personality and while I am not going to become a Harley Girl anytime soon when I do go out with him to hang out with his group of friends, I want to merge as much as I can. I am not sure if I will look right in a typical Harley Girl outfit but do you have any other suggestions so that I can look as if I belong to the group but not look ridiculous by wearing something that does not go with my personality."

Nancy is taking the approach that we all should when we shop and dress. She is asking the right questions early on so that she buys what she really can use and look good in.

What we recommend to Nancy is that she choose a bold accessory, for example, a handbag. It can bold, feminine, and as some women that we spoke to, can even be "cute." We think that you do not have to make any other changes in your outfit. The beauty of a handbag is that you can truly express yourself but at the same time it is something that is not a part of you as an item of clothing is. If you don't feel like showing it as you are getting out of the house, you can simply bring it out only when you are with the group of friends that you are hanging out with.

The other thing to note about a handbag is that it shows that there is a part of your personality that is bold, fun-loving, and is willing to challenge the rules. Very much in line with the Harley philosophy and we are sure that your boyfriend will appreciate this. Some of the brands that carry the kind of bag we are talking about are Balenciaga and at the low end, at H&M.

Recommended article: Style differences between American and Japanese women

Maria in Jacksonville, Florida, writes, "My husband and I are in our forties now and with three kids, stressful jobs, and Florida heat and humidity, we feel we look a bit old. The other day when I looked at myself in the mirror I realized that, like my husband, even I am starting to get fine lines and wrinkles. I am scared. Is Botox treatment for us? Isn't there something else that we could do?"

Well, what scientists have discovered now is that while you cannot stop aging completely, you can definitely do two things:

1. Delay it by taking proper care of your skin, eating healthy, and exercising regularly.
2. Treat whatever damage has already been done to your skin/body.

In your case, it is obvious that you both got too occupied with your jobs and children and did not take enough care of yourself. No wonder age is starting to show its ugly face. While Botox is definitely a solution that you can consider but do not forget that it is quite expensive for most of us. It is not a one-time treatment and all those regular trips to the spa add up pretty quickly.

A good alternative is a new product called StriVectin-SD that is an excellent alternative to Botox. Some experts believe that it is even better than Botox on many performance attributes. While StriVectin -SD has not been shown to eliminate the deep furrows targeted by Botox injections, the active ingredient in StriVectin -SD has been shown to significantly reduce that category of fine lines and wrinkles that can add 10-15 years to your appearance (the type of fine lines and wrinkles Botox treatment leaves behind); giving you a youthful, healthy, glowing complexion faster.

But there is something else we always tell our patrons when considering anti-aging or anti-wrinkle treatment:

• Try to be happy. Develop a positive outlook towards life. Enjoy what you have. It will add years to your life.
• Stay away from the sun.
• Drink plenty of water.
• Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.
• Do something spiritual; whether it is yoga or meditation or just relaxing on the patio listening to the sound of the birds singing, but do try to connect with your inner self.

Related:

Look younger after forty

Bodacious boomers

How to be young again

Moisturizer for younger look

Chances are that you don't believe in it. But that is because you have never experienced it. It is hard to describe it and even harder to convince someone to do it. It just happens. Earl Naumann, the author of Love at First Sight: The Stories and Science Behind Instant Attraction, finds that there is something called "love at first sight" because more than half of the people he interviewed for his study have experienced it. Now Dr. Naumann is no crook trying to sell another romance book. He is actually not even a writer of romance books. He is a business consultant and an expert in marketing and most of the other books that he has written are serious marketing related books.

Some of the other findings that he has are:

• More than half who experienced it got married to this person, and about three-fourths of those are still married.
• Two out of three Americans (of all ages and ethnic groups) believe in it.

Over the years, research conducted by LuvCube.com supports Dr. Naumann's' research. What we found in our research is that:

• Couples who fell in love at first sight felt that their relationship was stronger and more passionate. They believe that the main reason it happened this way was that they did not fall in love with someone's credentials or wealth, but the person they saw for the first time.
• Men are more likely to fall in love at first sight since they pay less attention to family history, wealth, education, etc. Men are also more likely to express their feelings openly to the woman that they feel this strong connection with. Since women often tend not to express their feelings, they miss out on the opportunity.

So if you feel that you are falling in love at first sight, don't think that you are weird or you are being stupid. Just go for it.

Related reading

Fall in love with a friend

Turn a friend into a lover

Mark writes, "I've been divorced for two years. My ex-wife and I are still friends and although we don't talk all the time, maybe twice a month at the most, my new and potentially serious girlfriend has a huge issue with it. She has met her and knows that there is no way that we would ever re-connect. My ex and I have made it a point to remain friends after all that we've been through and yet it makes my present girlfriend extremely uncomfortable and jealous. Is this a case of jealousy that will never go away? What do I do? I really care for both and on some level I don't want to break either relationship off. Any suggestions?"

1. Americans better get used to the new reality. With 50% divorce rates, we already have situations where it is hard to keep track of all the complex marital situations and who is father/mother of what child. So the bottomline is that couples will continue to be divorced and divorces will become increasingly less bitter. That means that couples will stay friends, rather than turn into bitter enemies. So if you are going to date a divorcee, you better get used to seeing the exes once in a while and your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband maintaining a mature friendship with the ex.
2. We at LuvCube.com believe that even after marriage, each partner should be allowed to have good friends of both sexes. The spouse does not have to be friends with all of these folks. It is actually good for both partners and for the relationship. In fact, our research has found that when a partner has a close friend of the opposite sex with whom s/he can share almost anything, the relationship with the spouse improves. There are things that you can never talk to your spouse about without getting personal about it. With a friend, it is much easier to discuss such things and get objective feedback/suggestions/ guidance. For example, if I tell my wife that she is starting to get fat and is no longer as pretty as she used to be, we will probably have a divorce. However, I can, and do, tell a friend and she will actually appreciate it.
3. If this woman is so jealous now, things will only get worse when you marry her. She will feel more right over you and would not want you to be seen with any other woman at all. Not a good situation to be in.
4. It seems that you have a good friendly relationship with your ex-wife. And that is the way it should be. After all, for God's sake, she was your wife at one time and you loved her. You have every right to be friends with her and as long as you give all your love to the next woman, she has no business to tell you who you are friends with. (Related: Should I go back to my ex?)
   
5. My advice: You might want to tell your girlfriend what your thoughts are, lay out all the facts, and hold your position. If she wants to leave, let her go. You will surely find someone who is a bit more open-minded than this.
   

Related reading

Dating after divorce

Cheating and divorce

Emotions after divorce

Impact of divorce on families

Jill in Philadelphia, PA, writes, "I am twenty and my boyfriend is twenty-four. We are not married yet. We are planning it for next year. I am in great shape and doesn't find it fun anymore. We talked about it and he said that I am boring now. He does not want the same thing done all the time but I really don't know what else to do. We bought things to make it fun but still it isn't working. I thought that if I did roleplaying that it might work but I was wrong. We used to be able to go for hours and now I'm lucky if it's for twenty minutes. Is this my fault and if so what can I do to make it better? What could I do to make it more fun and exciting? Please help me."

I think it is a bit more complex than most other cases that we deal with. Typically we advise our clients to buy some lingerie, create romantic situations, do a little bit here and a little bit there, and it all works out great. Here are a few things about your case that sound difficult:

1. You both are very young and at this stage guys think about nothing else but intimacy. Yes, we all eventually make physical intimacy a part of our lives and the frequency goes down as we age and stay with the same partner, but this is the age when couples literally do it three times a day, seven days a week. And all they think of is when and where next.
2. In many cases we find that when one partner is not taking the initiative and simply makes no effort, things can go downhill, but again that is not the case with you.
3. I am very concerned when he calls you "boring". That doesn't sound right. In fact that should make you think twice about getting married to this guy. You are only 20 and if he is already bored with you, what's going to happen when you are 45?
4. If seduction is the only problem, I can work with you to fix it and make you a seductive goddess; but I am sincerely hoping that that is the only issue here. If not, you need to think hard if seduction does not work.

So this is what we suggest:

1. While I believe you that there is no one else, you need to keep your eyes and ears open and watch out for what is going on.
2. Are you guys drifting apart for some other reason? Have you had fights? Is he trying to throw you out of his life so that you will then leave and he will be glad to see you go. You need to have this conversation with him and find out if there is something that has led to lack of desire on his part for you. You might also want to read this article on communication among couples.
3. Is there a medical situation with him? Depression or something physical? You might want him to consult a doctor for an opinion.

Readers are welcome to give their suggestions by contacting LuvCube team.

Lisa in New Jersey, "I have a boyfriend who is so confusing. Well, one day I complained to him that he was ignoring me, which he was, and he just stopped speaking to me. Then we got back together and I discovered how much of a jerk he can be when he was making fun of his sister. Well, so on the fourth of July we "broke up". Not really because neither he nor I said anything to each other. I tried speaking to him but he would just stay away from me. Even when we were/are going out he would/will totally ignore me and spend time with his friends that influence him to be a total and complete jerk. So I went to a game with my friend (his sister), her family, and him. He had just gotten off work and he was in such a bad mood. So as other guys always hit on me and try to speak to me, he totally ignores me. So when we were leaving the game and guys were checking me out, he would give them the stare of death. The guys would get intimidated and move away. I still sense that he still has feelings for me as I have feelings for him. My friends, cousins, and sister say to find someone better. They tell me to forget him, but I can't. I still am totally obsessed with him and like him. I have mixed emotions on this subject; part of me hates him with a passion and part of me loves him and wants him back. This is pure torture. I am afraid to break up with him officially because of the fact that he might still like me. I am afraid to speak to him because I am afraid I might hurt his feelings and part of me wants to slap him. What do I do? Where do I go from here? What is the wisest choice? Should I speak to him or find someone else?"

First of all, we agree with your friends, cousins, and sister that you need to find a man who will care for you so that you can be in a loving relationship, rather than be in an abusive relationship like this. Paul Hegstrom has written an excellent book Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them: Breaking the Cycle of Physical and Emotional Abuse that you might want to read to realize what you are really experiencing.

Let us just take a moment to revisit what a romantic relationship is all about. Without getting too complex, a good romantic relationship is based on mutual trust and respect with the sole motive of bringing happiness to each other. For this man, you should be the most important person - someone to be the center of attention and never to be ignored. By ignoring, harassing, mistreating, or abusing the other person, you are basically abusing that person and not loving her or him. Using this simple definition, you are in a relationship that is destined to cause you misery the rest of your life, if it lasts that long.

Having said that, it is easy to understand why you are so confused, why your self-esteem is so low, and why you do not want to breakup with a man who is treating you like garbage. There must be something great about this man for you to fall in love with him in the first place. Therefore, it is hard for you to realize that either you made a terrible mistake in reading this person or he just changed drastically. There is nothing wrong with liking him either because there are parts of his personality that you fell in love with and many of these have not changed. What has changed, however, is of fundamental importance in a relationship: caring for each other and respecting the other person.

We, therefore, recommend that you leave him as soon as you can. You do not have to fight with him. You can politely tell him that you would like to move on. And then you can try to start your search again.

Here is a list of some useful articles with tips on when to breakup and how to restart after a breakup:

When should you breakup? Think before you end a relationship

Getting ready for a new relationship. Surviving a breakup

Welcome to LuvCube.com blog

The LuvCube.com team welcomes you to its blog. Here we will discuss about everything that needs to be addressed in real time. We will provide links to new articles, answer questions from fans, and of course, give you an opportunity to ask questions and send comments. Our focus will continue to be on four main areas:

Find relationship

Live with your partner

Enjoy your relationships

Vacations for couples