In response to our article on the topic of how bedroom decoration is so important to create the right romantic ambiance in the bedroom, the topic of lamps has come up. No one can deny the power of lighting and lamps in affecting the mood. You can use lighting effects to turn even a dull room into a romantic haven.

While there are thousands of choices for lamps and you are welcome to try many of the online stores that sell exotic designs for lamps but what we want to discuss here is a lamp that you can design yourself at home. You know the reason: anything hand-made, particularly when made for someone you love, has a more powerful impact. So when your partner will see what you have done for her/him, you will be suitably rewarded in the bedroom.

What will you need?

• Two oranges (one for each end table) but if you want more, get one orange for each lamp.
• Kitchen knife
• Tea light candles
• Decorative dish (not necessary, but does create a better effect. If not, a simple dish will do)

How to make the lamp?

1. Cut the orange into two halves.
2. Take all the pulp out and leave just the skin.
3. Let the skin dry for 4 hours if you have the time.
4. On the top half, cut a hole in the center, with a cookie cutter. While no specific design is needed, it is not a bad idea to use a heart shaped cookie cutter or any other design that you like.
5. Now put the bottom half on the decorative dish and put a tea light candle on the orange. Light it up with a lighter or match.
6. Gently place the top half.
7. Turn the electric lights off and enjoy the magic of a romantic lamp.

Paul and Linda, who are both in their early fifties, and live in Tampa, Florida, write, "We don't feel we are old at all. We are in great physical shape, our two kids are in college, and we are upper middle class. We enjoy romantic moments with each other and believe that we have healthy private life. The problem: there is no good lingerie for middle-aged women. Linda has always had a fascination with lingerie and when we were young we always included lingerie in our life. However, as she has matured and her body is no longer as tight as it used to be, we need different kind of lingerie. But it seems that all lingerie companies basically design lingerie for young and pretty girls. Where can we find lingerie for middle-aged women?"

You are absolutely right. If you visit any of the online shops of lingerie companies, you will see that almost all of their models are very young. Of course, they have an argument for doing so but in a country which is rapidly growing old, we need lingerie for middle-aged women.

What that means is that you will still need to shop at regular websites but dig deeper into it to find the right type of lingerie. As you can guess, for marketing reasons, lingerie companies tend to push their most attractive and exotic designs while their more conservative designs are buried in the background. So let us say that you pick the first website and you are interested in buying a babydoll. What you need to do is to find the section that lists their babydolls and then keep searching till you find the one that appeals to you. We visited a couple of websites as part of our research to respond to your query and we found that in most cases, items that would appeal to a middle-aged woman were on page 5 in a category.

Other things to keep in mind when shopping for lingerie if you are a middle-aged woman:

• You don't have to dress conservative just because you are no longer 19-year old.
• Pick items that provide plenty of support, since unless you have sought the help of a plastic surgeon, you will need it.
• Think about those body parts that are no longer as firm and perky. See how you can cover them.
• You probably have some parts that are still in great shape. Show them.

Recommended article: Lingerie for couples

Men in feminine lingerie

Sexy lingerie for men

Men wearing lingerie

Male lingerie

Divorce has such a serious impact on most people, particularly women, that they lose their balance, get depressed, and even destroy their lives (and of their children, if any). This has been illustrated very well by the example of Jolie.

Her sister, Dora, writes, "Jolie is 36 and was married to her highschool sweetheart for 13 years and has three daugthers. In fall of 2001, her husband Joe met a much younger woman. Jolie did not handle it well in the beginning. She fought with Joe and once when she ran into both of them at a local restaurant, she created a scene. Joe has been mad since then. He has used all tactics that he could with the help of his lawyers to delay a divorce and pay her child support. Naturally, she is suffering along with the children who have not vacationed for three years now and just can't understand that they can't buy anything beyond the textbooks. She has started dating a much younger man and I am afraid that she is trying to run away from her problems and her children. Joe is happily living with his new girlfriend. What can I do to help her so that she does not destroy her life. She is so much into her boyfriend right now that she does not want to listen to anyone."

Jolie's behavior is not unusual. When people go through a divorce, they get totally disoriented and try to catch on to something - it can be a relationship or addiction to alcohol or whatever else that they can latch on to. These are a few things that you can do for her benefit:

1. Be supportive. If you lecture her, she will only run away from you. You have to be a good listener so that she understands that you are her friend.
2. Do whatever you can help the kids in the meantime. If you can host the kids for a weekend or buy them small gifts or bring them to a theme park or even take them out to a restaurant, please do so.
3. Let one or two men in the family schedule a meeting with Joe and try to make him understand what he may be inadvertantly doing to the family. If he continues to use his anger towards Jolie to harm the kids, he has accomplished nothing and may have caused lifelong damage to the kids.
4. It is good that she has a relationship (she definitely needs someone who can give her the support that she needs) but you have to convince her to not get consumed by it. She has to deal with her problems - they are not going away.

Recommended link: Etiquette for dating after divorce

Those of you who are not familiar with Melissa's case that we dealt with in our previous article may want to read that first (Recommended link: How to overcome shyness?). Those who are aware of her case or have read it, should read the following update from her:

"I want to tell you what happened with the guy. After I read your article and I started to talk more to him, and things worked out great. I have recently invited him to a family party, but that same day I found out he has a girlfriend, but they are having problems. Since then things have changed; he is not as friendly as he used to be. He doesn't smile at me anymore, and he seems kind of annoyed to see me. Did I do something wrong? Things seemed great until now."

First of all, congratulations on the progress that you have made. You deserve our praise because you have learned a new skill and this will come in handy later on in life.

Since we don't know enough about the whole situation (and probably you don't know much either about what is going on in his life), there are several scenarios that are possible:

• It is definitely a red flag that he has a girlfriend. My personal advice is that it is best to stay away from such a man till you know for sure that they have broken up.
• Men can sometimes get cranky when they are going through problems in their relationships. That could explain his cold attitude towards you.
• There is a small possibility that you did do/say something that he did not like (I have no way to know what it is and you probably will never be able to find out too).

What can you do next?

• Stop worrying about him too much. You did all the right things and if it did not work out it is best to learn from it and move on.
• Leave him alone for a while. It is best to be polite but do not try anything else till you know more.
• Do entertain him appropriately at the family event.
• And now that you have learned to make friends with people, it is a good time to start with other men.

Recommended article: How to find the right man?

How to reduce shyness

Overcome shyness

Relationships for shy people

How to seduce a shy man

Shy teenagers

Greta writes, "I am in love with my boss who is a Japanese diplomat living and working in Europe without his family. I am 23 and he is 47. I don't know how to approach him as I am scared of losing my job! I can't tell if he likes me or not as even though he once told me I was like a flower. I know I am (not to be too vain) quite young and pretty for him but I can't tell what he is thinking. As he is Japanese, he has quite Japanese manners, that is, often avoids direct eye contact with women in general and also hides his sentiments from his gaze. However, I have seen him looking at my body when he thinks I am not looking. I have also heard that the Japanese consider Europeans inferior to them. I don't know what my reputation is among the Japanese colleagues but I am very pretty and would not be surprised if some women are jealous. Please advise me how to seduce this man without losing my job."

Warning: Please do not read further if you need or love your job.

1. It is not right to assume that Japanese men think of Europeans as inferior. While Japanese in general believe that they are superior to the whole world but at the same time they also think that other races are better than them in so many ways. In fact they often admire the fact that Europeans are so good looking or they don't work so hard with all the vacations that they get or that Europe is at least as culturally rich as Japan is. So let us work with the hypothesis that he does not think of you as inferior.
2. Japan is not a great country for its own people when it comes to speaking Japanese. That is why kids that grow up overseas and do not know Japanese very well do not do well in the Japanese system. So it is almost universally true that they leave their families back in Japan when they work overseas. It simply does not mean that they are looking to have relationship overseas. Or that they bring a mistress with them from Japan. Though I would not be surprised if he has a mistress in Germany now. But insofar as you are concerned, it is much better that his wife is not with him.
3. It is common for Japanese men to praise their female colleagues, particularly if they are good looking. It does not mean anything: it is just a way to make them feel better so that they will work harder. Sometimes it is an indirect way to say that they like you.
4. Japanese are among the most inscrutable people in the world and even the Japanese have a hard time determining the feelings of other Japanese. So let us be careful here.
5. The Japanese take work very seriously and for them the distinction between work and private life is not very clear. So it is not difficult to understand why everything around him is work related. The Japanese are also not very comfortable cracking jokes particularly in a foreign language. In general most Japanese are very uncomfortable and shy in the presence of foreigners, particularly women. And from the way you describe to me, you have a vivacious personality and that may intimidate him somewhat. But you can work on that and transform yourself into a timid girl who is ready for seduction by a Japanese man.
6. Don't worry what your reputation is. The Japanese folks around you might talk whatever they want behind your back so it is best to ignore it.
7. The Japanese are very discreet people so whatever you do has to be done with total secrecy. Remember that he is not only your boss he is also a public figure in both Europe and Japan. If anything leaks to the media, it will be just terrible. So all your interaction with him has to be such that you come across to him as a person who can be trusted all the time with any secrets. Do not forget that he is a diplomat.
8. I am not clear what you want from him. I understood that you just want a casual relationship or a fling with him. I think chances for you to seduce him, maybe even take a secret trip with him are high, but to expect that he will do anything more is highly unlikely.
9. My gameplan on a very high level right now is that you should first test him (is he a good candidate for seduction?), secondly find out how/where to seduce him, and finally what to do to seduce him. It could take a few weeks but if you do it slowly and patiently, strategically (with all possible scenarios planned out), carefully (so that you can still keep your job and not create a scandal), and discreetly, you might actually succeed.
10. Finally, any office romance is like playing with fire so be aware of the risks involved.

Recommended article: Office romance is not always a good idea

Almost everyone agrees that divorce is a terrible thing and despite this 50% of marriages in America end up in a divorce. But what is it that makes us so ruthless when it comes to thinking of a divorce. Do people realize that when they mention "divorce" they have literally crashes a home built on all those beautiful dreams. (Related article: Marriage and divorce issues)

Let us take a look at Steve's case. "My wife and I have been married twelve years. She came up to me three weeks ago and told me she wants a divorce and then filed for one. The reasons she gave are all B.S. Small things that I did in the past like blowing off a little steam and asking her to sweep the floor once in a while. I have some bad habits like nitpicking that I was raised to believe was the right thing to do. I also have a severe disability from my childhood, that I have been dealing with for 42 years. I love my wife very much but I am afraid I lost her this time. I have never struck her, I work full time, and try to be a good husband. She tells she does not love me right now and needs space and time to recover from being hurt by my raising my voice and saying mean things to her. I try not to but I sometimes do. She refuses counseling, but I don't want to be divorced, like I said I love her very much. I need information on how to help myself so I can be a better husband if given the chance. I would appreciate your help."

Since we are listening to only one side of the story, let us be fair but here are some of my thoughts:

• It's great that Steve is admitting his mistakes.
• It is even more remarkable that he wants to do something about his behavior. What is important in life is to recognize your mistakes and deal with them head on.
• Steve may have lost her but this also presents him with an opportunity to transform his personality so that he can be a new man and then find a woman who will appreciate this new man.

What can Steve do now so that his second marriage is a happy one?

1. Take a break to recover from the relationship. Use the time to reflect on your life and stay away from romantic relationships for a couple of months (start off by setting a target of 90 days at a time). Make some good friends and try to divert your attention to a hobby or a project that has been on hold for a while.
2. While it is quite obvious that your wife did not like certain aspects of your behavior, chances are that there could have been other deeper issues. Reflect on those and try to come up with a set of five things that could have turned her off so much that she wanted to get away from you.
3. Get some help. There is a lot of help out there in form of books, videos, and best of all, a mentor. Identify what the problem and then work on it. For example, let us say that you identify anger as an issue for you. Then you will need to deal with anger management. Similarly, work on other high-level issues rather than getting bogged down with minor problems.
4. Once you are ready and confident to start a new relationship, then go have some fun. (Related article: Dating after divorce)

Advice provided by Pierre Coda, relationships expert at MYNIPPON.com

Finding a store where couples can shop and find something that works for both is not easy. I know that my wife hates being in some popular stores for men, for example, Brooks Brothers or Hugo Boss. Similarly, I just can't stand Ann Taylor (there are so few men in the store that I freak out). So how did we find a place for both of us to shop for cool and affordable fashion? By sheer coincidence. The store is called H&M.

On one of our trips to New York City, we just ended up in front of the store on Fifth Avenue. We had both heard of it through its mention on television and in several magazines so we decided to take a look. Wow! It is an incredible place to shop if you want to buy trendy clothes but want to pay low prices. Now I know that you can sometimes shop in Target and buy designer clothes (e.g. Isaac Mizrahi), but nothing compares to H&M. I mean the clothes are really cool and hip. Plus, there are separate sections for men and women and the choice for men is broad. If you have ever shopped in Macys or Lord & Taylor, the men's section is like 10% of the overall area. In H&M, they have one complete floor for men. Whether you are 16 or 65, you can buy cool clothes for men. Whether you wear thongs or button-down shirts, they have something that will work for you.

My wife and I have gradually seen the transition in women's fashion in America since 2001 - it is more feminine now and we like the new trend. Having lived in Europe and Asia, we have both admired how attractive women look when they actually look like women. We both believe that you can be a powerful woman and still wear skirts and colorful blouses. H&M fits in right with this attitude.

How to shop at H&M?

• If there is no store in your area, you will have to wait till you go to a place with a store or a store comes to your town. H&M does not have online shopping yet.
• The fitting rooms are always crowded and there is a long line. But be patient and try what you buy despite the fact that they have a good return policy.
• H&M stores come in many sizes. The larger ones, for example, the one on Fifth Avenue in New York City, are much better than the smaller ones, for example, the one in Providence (RI) mall or Boston.

Recommended links:

Style makeovers

Japanese style

Fashion and style

Some of the most difficult moments in a relationship are when we are trying to get to know each other. In most cases, a relationship starts with an attraction which can take many forms. Only then we want to explore if a more serious relationship makes sense with that person because compatibility on more than one dimension is needed for a stronger relationship. So very often we find that the person who was so good-looking or a great person to work with on a project in school or the funniest person in the party is actually not someone you want to be with for too long. That is perfectly fine and it is great to know this earlier on and end the relationship than to keep hoping that you will be successful in changing that person and life will be beautiful after that. (Related article: When should you breakup?)

What remains a challenge though is how to end the relationship at that stage without causing pain to the other person. Since many people do not know how to end it, they may cause unnecessary confusion, as happened to Kim. She writes, "Recently I've made new friendship with someone. We met and talked, emailed, but suddenly he just disappeared with no news. I tried to email him and contact him by text message but no reply. I wonder what happened? What went wrong? I don't understand. I really wanted to be his friend and he was so nice when we met but all of a sudden he cut contact with me. Do you think he's angry or upset with me? Since I really want to have a relationship with him, do you think I should call and ask directly or just wait and see...? I want to talk to him to make things clear. Do you think it's the right move?"

Of course, our one-word advice to Kim is NO. There is no reason for you to call him and set things right. This guy just does not know how to deal with women. It is perfectly fine not to end a relationship but there is a way to do it. You can simply tell the person that s/he is not the person that you sees a future with. It is polite to suggest that you stay as friends so that if you do end up in the same place at some point of time, you can still smile at each other and not feel uncomfortable. (Related article: How to breakup and move on?)

But how do you end a relationship very early on?

1. It is best to do it as soon as you know that the other person is not the one. If you are confused, you can say so and if the other person wants, you can continue with an understanding that you are both trying to learn more about each other.
2. You do not have to give any reasons to end the relationship. There can be two wonderful people in the world but it does not mean that they can be a wonderful couple as well. For a couple, compatibility, goals, etc. are equally important.
3. Never keep the person in doubt if you are in doubt. If you don't like her/him and start checking out others while keeping her/him on hold, is unethical and totally unacceptable. The more honest you are with yourself and with the other person, the better it is for everyone involved.

Recommended links

Start a new life after breakup

Breakup tips for teenagers

Learn from a breakup

Move out after breakup and start a new life

It is not easy to dump a boyfriend based on how many instances we come across where women are basically stuck with the wrong guy, generally due to low self-esteem. "How am I going to find another boyfriend?" is the question that keeps women from even trying.

Let us review what Marie's situation is. "I have been dating someone for over three years. We have broken up several times. He says he is not ready for a relationship since he does not have the time to devote 100% to the relationship because of his children 11 and 15 because they have so much going on in their lives and at the same time keeps the connection between us going by leading me on. At first I thought the person needed some time, but more and more I feel the relationship is only physical now, but he says it's not because he cares for me. I have not met this man's mom or been invited to take part in his life on a deeper level. For a year and half we have been back and forth. I know the relationship is over but I can't seem to move on. We have not had any fights or heated arguements, but the relationship has stalled and it seems to me I am just convenient and it is not that he does not have time, because he seems to have time for everyone but me. How do I end things and move on?"

For Marie and other women like her, our advice: Get the hell out of a relationship like this. You are codependent. The guy is simply using you and is not interested in any meaningful relationship. If you do have problems with your personality, admit those to yourself, and work on them. There is tremendous help for women how to improve their self esteem and how to take control of their lives. Some of the articles that we recommend are:

How to be independent

How to get out of a bad relationship?

When should you breakup?

How to breakup and then move on?

We are pleased to announce the launch of the English version of Lindisima.com, the most successful website in the eCreativa network of websites. As many of you know, the Spanish version of Lindisima.com attracts over 20,000 visitors a day, from many countries, particularly Mexico, United States, Spain, and other countries in Latin America.

The website was always published in Spanish but there are millions of women that trace their roots to Hispanic and Latin cultures but either do not understand Spanish very well or also prefer to read English language publications but targeted to them. Afer market research over a 6-month period we were able to confirm that what our readers were telling us was right: Latinas in the US need a portal that talks to them.

So please check out Lindisima.com: Latinas on the Internet

Make your blog rank higher in search engines

Help Make Blogs More Visible!

NOTE: Be sure you paste live links for the Path List below.

There are by some estimates more than a million weblogs. But most of them get no visibility in search engines. Only a few "A-List" blogs get into the top search engine results for a given topic, while the majority of blogs just don't get noticed. The reason is that the smaller blogs don't have enough links pointing to them. But this posting could solve that. Let's help the smaller blogs get more visibility!

This posting is GoMeme 4.0. It is part of an experiment to see if we can create a blog posting that helps 1000's of blogs get higher rankings in Google. So far we have tried 3 earlier variations. Our first test, GoMeme 1.0, spread to nearly 740 blogs in 2.5 days. This new version 4.0 is shorter, simpler, and fits more easily into your blog.

Why are we doing this? We want to help thousands of blogs get more visibility in Google and other search engines. How does it work? Just follow the instructions below to re-post this meme in your blog and add your URL to the end of the Path List below. As the meme spreads onwards from your blog, so will your URL. Later, when your blog is indexed by search engines, they will see the links pointing to your blog from all the downstream blogs that got this via you, which will cause them to rank your blog higher in search results. Everyone in the Path List below benefits in a similar way as this meme spreads. Try it!

Instructions: Just copy this entire post and paste it into your blog. Then add your URL to the end of the path list below, and pass it on!

Path List

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31. Your URL goes here! But first, please copy this line and move it down to the next line for the next person).

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