The pastor of the New England Chapel has two very simple rules in his household. The rule is strictly applied to everyone including children.

1. When you have something negative to say about a family member, you wait for the designated time (once a week when the family gets together for a meeting for this purpose).
2. For every one negative thing that you have to say, you need to say two positive things.

In my opinion, this gentleman may have discovered the secret to world peace. No, I am not kidding. If we could apply this principle to the United Nations, the world will be a different place. But I am not trying to solve world's problem. Let us get back to communicating with your spouse.

• We have a tendency to be more sensitive to negative feedback from people that are too close to us. It seems that somehow our loved one no longer accepts us. You will agree that when the same feedback comes from a therapist or life coach, we have a totally different attitude towards it. Since it is impossible to do anything about this part of human nature, it is best to live with it by limiting the amount of negative feedback and criticism of people close to us.
• When we are saying negative things to others about them, we are indirectly telling them something is wrong with them, that they are not good enough, and that others (including I) are better than them. This hurts, and should be avoided. No one is perfect and even when we feel that we are right and someone else is wrong, we should immediately tell ourselves that it does not mean we go tell them this.
• What is good and bad is a matter of interpretation. There is nothing absolute in this world. What you think may be good can be considered bad by others and both may have compelling arguments in favor of each position. Or in other words, you have no right to tell others that they are wrong because there is no such thing in the first place.
• We are all born with some strengths and weaknesses. There are some weaknesses that we can overcome but many others we can do nothing about. Sometimes we can not overcome certain weaknesses because we may not even have the maturity to appreciate that those are weaknesses and we should do something about it. What that means is that we can not make feel others bad about their weaknesses simply because we do not have them. We all have weaknesses and we should simply appreciate these.
• When you start looking at positive things in a person, you will find many. It is human nature to find negatives easily and that is what destroys relationships. You will also realize when you find positive things that they are so much bigger than the negative things that you start wondering if it is even worthwhile to talk about the small negative things.

Recommended article: Importance of communication in a marriage
- By Pierre Coda

Justin in Baltimore, Maryland, is 41 year old and is married to Jackie, 39, with one teenage daughter. He says, "Of course the signs of aging are showing on us and while I am trying to age gracefully, Jackie is devastated as she sees her body change. She has been watching all the makeover programs that seem to say that plastic surgery is the solution to get a youthful body. We are financially comfortable and can spend the money, but how do we decide if plastic surgery is for her?"

The first thing to note is that you can slow down and delay aging without plastic surgery. For instance, you can look younger using Dr. Perricone's approach. Pierre Coda talks about five things that we can do to stop aging and achieve longevity, for instance, changing attitude, fitness, mental exercise, food, and using basic health services.

There is no doubt though that the results obtained from plastic surgery are remarkable if you watch what they show on The Swan. Here are things that you need to consider when making decisions related to plastic surgery.

• Financial: The expenses can run into tens of thousands of dollars if done in the US. You can go abroad and reduce your cost. If there are post-surgery complications, costs increase rapidly.
• Health: While it seems so easy and painless on television, never forget that it is a medical procedure and your life may be threatened. Apart from the advice of your plastic surgeon, it is a good idea to consult your family doctor as well.
• Emotional: Plastic surgery can cause many changes in how a person feels about her/himself and how s/he views her/his life and relationship. Divorces and breakups are common after plastic surgery.

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Makeovers are not just about one thing

Husbands pleasing their partners

Nothing pleases me more than hearing from a man or a woman who wants to do his/her very best to please one's partner. Byron asks, "I have to ask how do I make my partner reach climax. She loves it when we are intimate and I'm quite careful about making her feel good. She has never been happier but I can't seem to get her to shoot anything out though we have never had a long period of intimacy due to children being around. Please tell me how to do this."

Now I think Byron may actually be too concerned about pleasing his partner. But his attitude is still a great one - he wants to do even better.

1. It seems that she is fairly satisfied with your performance. Of course, there is a possibility that she is too shy to ask for more or just does not know if more is possible. So how can Byron know where they stand? Just ask her. And then explore together to find out what makes the pleasure even stronger for her and from there just keep pushing the limits.
2. The other point to note is that most men have a very poor understanding of a woman's body. The best way to learn more is to use a book with illustrations or a video and then let the woman guide her man, preferably with the help of a mirror and proper lighting. Many women are surprisingly enough ignorant about their own bodies and this is a great way to learn more about each other.
3. It is understandable that having children in the household can limit a couple's freedom but it is important that a couple set aside some time just for themselves. The simplest solution is to let a family member or friend take care of your kids for a few hours or even a weekend while you find totally private time. The best way to pay back is to reciprocate by taking care of their children.
4. Finally, it is not always the case that a woman will shoot something that you can notice. If she feels good, that is all that counts.

Helpful articles:

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- By Pierre Coda