Our position at LuvCube has always been simple: There will always be better people around. Prettier, funnier, more intelligent, more charming, etc. But that does not mean that you simply keep looking for the next better person since it then becomes an endless cycle. There is never an end to it and you will always be looking. Plus, you will not enjoy what you have. The only time we encourage that you look for something better is when your current relationship is not working or is dysfunctional. Lisa's case does not meet that test.
What to do when you are attracted to a married person?
Most normal, married people are attracted to other people even if they are completely satisfied with their relationship. By merely feeling attraction towards another person you are not committing any sin or adultery. It is human nature to be attracted to many things at the same time. Some choose to deny this to themselves and that is perfectly fine but there is no reason to deny it to yourself.
Attraction, however, does not mean that you start an romantic/intimate relationship with that person. By entertaining Mike and his wife, Lisa is doing the right thing. She is enjoying Mike's company without jeopardizing her own relationship. As long as she sees no change in her feelings for her husband, it is perfectly acceptable to socialize with Mike. It is a great way to enjoy Mike's charming company.
Seduction by married woman
How to approach a woman for a relationship if she is already married
How to steal someone's boyfriend
Guide for great relationships
Friendship with ex-wife
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
There is no such thing as an easy breakup (unless your partner was hoping that you would be the one to breakup first and is glad when that happens) but yes, there is something called an elegant breakup. It is hard to control when a breakup becomes nasty and ugly but if you follow certain basic etiquette you will know that you did your part and if your partner decides to go along with you, you can actually be friends even after a breakup since that is the way things should be. (Related article: Clean breakup techniques)
Let us read a very difficult case. Jay says that he has been in a relationship for eight years but wants to end it now. He say, "We even have a house together, and my partner has invested her entire heart and soul into the relationship. Not to mention she is an overly emotional person with a quick temper. I know breaking up is never easy, but she gets really crazy whenever I bring up the fact that I want freedom. Plus I'm an overly nice guy, so I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her angry. What's the best way to get out of this mess?"
You will simply have to go ahead and do it and there is no reason not to do it just because you are a nice guy and you don't like to hurt her. If you are convinced that this is not the relationship for you and there is no way to make things better, that you both move on. Here are some thoughts on how to do it so that there is minimum pain for all: (Related article: Knowing when it is time to move on)
- Tell her what your concerns are and ask for some time to reflect, though you don't have to mention a breakup. Maybe 30 or 90 days. And then move out. That will act as a buffer period in which you can both prepare yourself for the breakup.
- Ask a close mutual friend to help you out. If this person can communicate some of the things that you do not like about the relationship and how you would like to end the relationship, it will be easier on both of you.
- If you are in an urgency and no other alternatives are available, keep it like the layoff in corporate America - short, to the point, and final. Tell her your decision and discuss the next steps. Move out immediately and then just keep a professional relationship as you sort out what to do with the house and what else to take care of.
Recommended article: When should you breakup?
Thursday, December 16, 2004
The statistics related to women being abused in the United States are chilling. Every two minutes, somewhere in America, someone is assaulted. In 2002, there were approximately a quarter million case of abuse or assault. Nearly one third of American women report being physically abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives. There are many other equally chilling statistics. (Related: How to leave an abusive relationship)
Let us take a look at the case of Jasmine because it shows how abuse starts. She started socializing with men that her family did not approve of. Eventually, her family simply gave up on her and literally abandoned her in the sense that they do not even know if she exists. Jasmine has lost all contact with her. One bad relationship after another, Jasmine is now living with another abusive boyfriend who has literally imprisoned her. She has no phone, no car, and depends on him for everything. She says, "When we met, he was sort of a ladies man. However, as time went by, he started to show his true colors and literally turned me into his hostage. I am very scared to leave him because he's the type that drinks a lot and then he likes to hit me. The only way I can run away from him is if I go to a place that he cannot find me, but then, there is no such place for me. I sometimes feel that I do love him that we have been together for over one year. He's sometimes so mean that I can't even take out the trash can. And he accuses me of cheating everyday but how can I be cheating if I can't even leave the house?"
As you can see, Jasmine is a perfect example of someone who is easy to abuse. She comes from a dysfunctional family, is dependent on a man to give her three meals a day, and has no other friends or family to go to. Here are a few tips to prevent yourself from becoming a candidate for abuse by a man:
- No matter how wonderful your man appears to be, NEVER abandon your friends and family.
- Always have access to money that you can spend on your own. Even if you have been married for a million years, it is your right to spend some amount of money any way you like without giving explanation to him. He can do the same and you should respect his right as well.
- If you realize that your man is not treating you as one human being should treat another, get out of the relationship. When you feel that you love him, you are fooling yourself. It is probably one-sided and you are hoping against hope that love will somehow save you.
- Finally, there is help out there for abuse victims. Apart from calling your local police and other voluntary organizations, there are churches and government agencies that help women who are being abused.
Child support problems
Monday, December 13, 2004
According to a report published by the British Medical Journal, women who suffer from migraine headaches and take birth control pills are at a higher risk of having a stroke than those who do not. In other words, women now have one less choice when it comes to birth control, particularly if they already suffer from migraines or are susceptible to migraine headaches.
Birth control has always been an issue with couples. A vast majority of men are strongly opposed to condoms, particularly as a birth control option, when they are are in a monogamous relationship. This is not the case, for instance, in Japan, where even married couples rely heavily on condoms as a birth control option. Studies have shown that if you use high-quality condoms, the reduction in pleasure is not noticed by most men. (Related: Birth control for obese women)
The aversion to condoms has forced many women in America to take the pill. But no matter what the pharmaceutical companies say, a pill is a foreign chemical and is bound to have side effects. That is why it is important that as a couple you research other birth control options and pick the one that gives you almost everything that you need: minimal side effects and almost perfect pleasure.
We have reviewed some of the birth control options in the past, so this is a good starting point. But to really find the best option for you, research (including a final word with your doctor) is the key.
Recommended article: Birth control options
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Lisa in Brookfield, Connecticut writes, "I do not get dates. I am average looking; perhaps a little bit chubby, but I think that I am in my desired weight range. I am 25 years old and I have had only one boyfriend in high school. I do not understand why nobody asks me out. All my girlfriends have frequent dates. What is wrong with me?"
Lisa is not alone. And we think that her predicament has nothing to do with her appearance. We say this because unless you are from another planet, this usually is not the case (though we can bet that some enterprising people will actually want to date aliens as well). Here is a short list of the most common reasons some people do not get dates:
- They do not meet enough people. If you do not meet many people you have less possibilities of finding a good match. This has to be an enjoyable experience of meeting friends, not only potential mates. There also has to be a deliberate effort to be with people. And this does not mean you have to move to a bar or spend your day on the Internet, though we strongly recommend that you try online dating (Related article: Does online dating work?) since it is one of the most efficient ways to connect with a lot of people. There are many other ways to meet new people. Look for groups or activities in an area you have interest in (e.g. pottery, volunteer activities, etc.) and join them. This usually requires time, effort and some money. If you are not willing to do the work, you may be missing out on having a more fulfilling life.
- Personal insecurity is another factor. This is a complex topic to be explored in this article extensively but there are a lot of websites/books and resources to get to know yourself and gain self-confidence. If you deal with internal problems now, you will have a lot more time later to enjoy life. This does not mean that something is wrong with you. We all need to work in some areas of our lives. (Related article: Self esteem issues among women)
- This relates to the previous point: perhaps you have the wrong attitude and you are pulling people away from you. This has to do with the way people perceive you. If you have an arrogant attitude, are too aggressive, not feminine, too bossy or any other qualities we dislike in people, you may be scaring away some potential boyfriends. (Related article: How to develop a positive attitude?)
- Appearance. Check how you take care of yourself. Would you feel better if you looked prettier? If this is the case, be specific what you do not like about yourself? Your hair, your makeup, your skin, your style, etc.? Make a list and research how you can make those changes (plastic surgery, makeovers, style changes, etc.). There are so many resources to look better right now and the information is free on most websites (of course, we invite you to visit our sister websites MYNIPPON and Lindisima).
- One last piece of advice: enjoy life and do activities to meet people, but do not go through life thinking only of finding a husband or thinking that your husband will make you totally happy and all problems will be over. If you are not happy with yourself, it will be more difficult to be happy in a relationship.
Recommended article: How to get the red-carpet look?