By Imfwama Wotela
When women have to make a choice about taking their Ex back, they often have a difficult time separating emotions from reason. Since it is never a good idea to take a risk twice, it is best if you think clearly this time what is the best course of action. (Related article: Should you take your Ex back?)
It’s important that you realize that life must go on and there are certain things that you do not want to go back to. Reason being that it may weigh you down and take you backward, and even worse, history repeating itself, particularly if you ended the relationship because it was abusive. I don’t think you want to walk that road again. It’s true we all deserve a second chance but be careful how you apply this very vital principle into your life. (Related article: What is the purpose of life?)
It’s always important that you know the reasons why you are making certain choices. Always ask yourself questions as they help lead to answers that help you to make better decisions. Also always tell yourself that you deserve the best out of life and that it’s always good to have new experiences. If you had given this same man 10 years of your life and he messed them up, what guarantee do you have that if you gave him another 15 years of your productive life, that he will not do the same (Go back to ex). Yes, there are chances that love can work out a second time with the same person and these thoughts are not to discourage you or to make you have a vengeful spirit, but it is to help you to think more carefully and not fall into the same pitfall.
Here are a few questions that you should ask so that you can come up with an answer to your dilemma:
- Have I failed to find somebody else who can appreciate me?
- Do I still love him?
- Am I ready for him now?
- Have we sorted out our differences now?
- Can we now agree on the future?
- How sure am I that it is love and not pity?
- Have I really forgiven him?
- Is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?
- Is it because the kids miss their dad? Is it for mine or the kid’s sake?
- Am I able to put the past behind us and start again with him or without him?
A person’s life is very precious and always remember that the part you will give and also the time you give will never get it back if you give it out to the wrong person. It is just the same when you give or lend out anything it will never come back the same because people will not always handle your things the way you do because we are all different and do things differently. What may be precious to you might not be so for the next person. (Related article: Do you know the true purpose of your life?)
It took you a while for you to repair your life, to heal and move on without him. Are you prepared to undo all the hard work for the sake of one person who almost destroyed you at one time? You really need to think deeply about this. You only have one life and you can’t risk it all. Neither can you use the last part of it for experiments anymore. You now need to live it to the full because now you are wiser and have learnt from your mistakes and it’s a time for better things. After considering the above you can now answer the question: do I take him back or not? The only one to answer this is you.
Recommended article: How to find the right friends and how to evaluate their friendship?
Friday, January 28, 2005
Recent research conducted by Joan Friebely of Harvard University and Susan Rako, a doctor from Newton, Massachusetts (USA), has shown that women who used a perfume made from the chemicals extracted from the sweat from a woman's armpits were far more successful in attracting men and in physical intimacy than other women who simply used a perfume. The chemical called Pheromone 10:13 will be patented soon. (Related: Underarm odor)
Scientists are still struggling with two questions: How can this product be manufactured commercially? And what does it mean for younger couples, since a young woman is likely to produce this pheromone in large amounts naturally?
We will let scientists and manufacturing experts deal with the first question but we did some research of our own and here are a few tips for couples:
- When a woman is likely to be around her man, there is no need for deodorants or antiperspirants. Men should also try to get used to the smell. While it might seem a bit uncomfortable in the beginning, you will get used to it, several readers of ours in India tell us.
- Women can also make extra effort to sweat a little bit when they want to attract a man. Tips include mild exercise, being in a hot place for a while, and wearing a blouse/top with sleeves that are skintight in the armpits. (Related article: How to lighten dark underarms/armpits?)
- While there is no need to ignore personal hygiene and socially accepted standards, unshaved armpits typically produce more sweat and smell. (Related article: Hair removal tips for underarms/armpits)
But what about mature women who want to try this pheromone now rather than wait for a manufacturing expert to figure out how to artificially make this chemical? A reader from India tells us: ask a younger friend to help you. Disgusting as it might sound to some, many aphrodisiacs, pheromones, perfumes, personal care products, cosmetics, etc. are made from fluids and body parts that you really don't want to know much about their origins. So if you have the guts and a willing friend, borrow some sweat from her.
Recommended article: Use pheromones for attracting
Aromatherapy for couples
Herbal floral bath
How to spice it up in the bedroom
How to catch the attention of men
Thursday, January 20, 2005
So very often you not only end up in a relationship that is not going anywhere, you do not even know how to get out of it. So all those singles out there - I know you are desperately hoping to get into a relationship - any relationship, but remember that it easy to get into a relationship and more difficult to get out of it. The key is that when you do get into a relationship, think hard about all aspects of the relationship so that, one, you never have to get out of it, hopefully, and two, if you do need to get out of it, this is the person that will let you move on gracefully.
Let us hear about Janet's story. She lives together with her boyfriend but her relationship is not going anywhere. She doesn't even share the bedroom with her any more. In other words, the relationship is effectively over. "But I need tips on how to move out of the house. We do not even talk to each other any more. I need to get out of this mess as fast as I can. But how do I do this?" asks Janet.
Janet's problem is not unique. In fact she has done better than other woman who just stay in the relationship because they do not even realize that they are in a dead-end relationship or even if they do, they just do not have the courage to get out. Many wonder that other men would not like them or they are too old or have nowhere to go. A few simply don't want to face the reality of telling a man that he was not worth it and it is time for her to move on. So the time has come for Janet to show that she has the self-esteem and pride to move on and start a new life.
How to end a relationship and move out if you live together?
- Keep your cool. Ending a relationship does not mean fights, shouts, and bad feelings. What you want to accomplish is to get out with a smile on your face and you have nothing to gain by making life difficult for the other person. In case like Janet's, it is actually going to be easier. He might actually be happy to see her go since it is so uncomfortable being with an ex-girlfriend like that.
- Announce your departure in a calm, polite, and friendly way. If there are bills to be paid or any other formalities to be taken care of, try to do that before leaving. For those items that can not be settled at that time, agree on the next steps. For example, how you will receive a copy of the bill, how will you pay, etc. You might even agree to a phone call or a quick meeting if needed (e.g. to sign a document). In other words, do what you are expected to do.
- Take all your belongings with you as soon as you can and everything that you want to take. Hire help, if needed. Don't leave stuff behind. It just sends the wrong message that you might want to come back.
- Be friendly and courteous when you leave. If you run into your ex at a party or anywhere else you should still be able to exchange smiles/greetings and move on.
Recommended article: How to move on after breakup?
Friday, January 14, 2005
So we at LuvCube, are not sure that it is online dating that is to blame. You have to ask what went wrong and try to answer that by thinking about the following questions:
- Did you have success in meeting men (or women, if you are a man reading this article)?
- Were these the kind of people you were looking for?
- Were you honest in your profile? Were these people honest in their profiles?
- Are you being too choosy since online dating seems to offer almost limitless choices?
- If you abandon online dating, how else will you find a husband/wife/date?
Online dating merely allows you to find dates without necessarily hanging out in bars each night. Plus you can be more selective and you can disclose who you are and what you are looking for to a lot of people without going through the usual bar or singles events routine. Or in other words, it is far more efficient.
How to make online dating work?
- Invest in a good personal ad. If you do not know how to write, read as many personal ads that you can on the Internet and jot down what seems to be catchy and is suitable for you. Show the draft to a friend or two and get some feedback. And if you do not have friends who have the right skills, then just ask a professional to write it for you. You have complete confidentiality and you get a quality ad in return. (Related article: Tips on writing a personal ad)
- Keep changing your ad as you go along. As you join the dating game, you will learn what is working for you and what is not working. For instance, if you go on some dates and always get praised for your style or smile or sense of humor but you have not mentioned this in your ad, it is a great idea to edit your ad.
- If you are a woman, do not think that you should not respond to personal ads. If you see a man who meets your criteria, by all means, respond to that ad. While men are often known to take more chances and do a reasonable job dealing with rejection, many men are either too shy or might not respond wondering if they are good enough for you.
- Do not limit yourself to just one website. We typically recommend that you try at least three for 3 months and drop the ones that do not work and try other ones. People get attracted to different websites for different reasons and you should spread out your efforts.
Recommended article: How to find a soul mate?
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
But, of course, not any music. Buy your own blank CD, then buy songs online from a website like iTunes or Yahoo Music or Rhapsody, put your own compilation of favorite songs, and finally make a very special CD cover with pictures of both of you. To make the cover, you can use a photo editing software that typically should be already installed on most new computers, is also a part of digital camera software, or you can simply download it online for a very small charge.
Make your own gift basket
It is funny to see how men shop for Valentine’s Day. They just buy something that looks pretty. If it is a toiletries basket, they do not even smell it. Do not do this, ever. You can do better: Buy a gift certificate to a spa and add some special items such as body lotion, natural soaps, bath salts, or massage oil.
Make your own gift certificate. Since you will do the massage, get a card or a piece of attractive paper, and write it as it is from a spa, (you can even come up with a unique name for your spa) and put the name of the massage therapist as your name. Get some edible massage oil, such as Jessica Simpson’s Dessert, and give both (oil and gift card) of them along with chocolates and champagne. If you want to splurge, you may add some jewelry.
There is nothing more romantic than flowers as far as women are concerned, but when you buy them on Valentine’s Day, their prices are prohibitive. So give flowers ahead of time with a card inviting for dinner. On Valentine’s Day itself, just bring chocolates or high-quality cookies or a small, but special, gift.
Candy flowers and chocolate
A word of advice: Plan ahead. Avoid the mall on Valentine’s Day. Not only it is a hassle to shop in the mall; you don’t always get the best selection and prices. Dozens of excellent online gift stores now have many choices for gifts and they can mail the gift directly to you or the recipient.
The best gifts are not the most expensive but the ones that show that you thought about it and put time into it.
Recommended article: Fun activities for couples
Friday, January 07, 2005
How to get ready for Valentine's Day if you are single?
- Use whatever means at your disposal to get a date for Valentine's Day. Use Lingerie, candles, bedroom decoration, etc.
- After the date, do not forget to send a thank-you note/gift. Who knows it might be the start of another beautiful relationship.
- Valentine's Day is a great opportunity to reinforce your bond by telling the other person how much you care. So a little care in planning the day is helpful.
- Since it is not going to be a "date" in the conventional sense for you, why not be a bit creative. It is wrong to think that the only way to celebrate Valentine's Day is to dress up, eat out, and then make love. You don't even have to go for a weekend anywhere, though there is nothing wrong with any of this. However, what about a day of spa treatments, spoiling your partner for one day, or grant a long-hidden wish of your partner (which if you do not already know, you might either ask your partner or a close friend).
- Once you know what you are going to do, then prepare well. List everything that needs to be done and go about doing it little by little. Particularly, when you are going to shop online for some gifts - they can take a few days to arrive.
- If your partner asks what the plans for the Valentine's Day are, then just tell him/her that it is a surprise and you are taking care of it.
Recommended articles: Gift ideas for your spouseNot so common Valentines Day gifts
Gift ideas when you don't know what to give
Thursday, January 06, 2005
There are men who have a difficult time making a fresh start because they are so occupied with a woman's past. These are men who would not date a divorced woman or a widow because they do not know how to deal with her past. Since most of such men tend to be insecure, they often make the woman feel bad about her past in the hope that they will be able to somehow make her like them more than any of her lovers in the past. Totally wrong way to deal with the issue.
The most important thing to remember is that when you are in a relationship with a person, it is a new relationship between you and the other person and that is how you should deal with it. Yes, it is not possible to erase memories from the past (and one is not expected to) and it is also very likely that somewhere in the back of one's mind, a comparison may be made with a previous lover, but what's the big deal?
And our reader Julia happens to be in a relationship with one of these insecure men for about an year and is now wondering if it is time for her to just let him go. "Since the beginning he has been throwing my past in my face and some of the decisions that I've made in my life, including the decision I made to have both my little girls. He tends to make a big deal about my past. It's not like I was a hooker. I had a couple of boyfriends and he thinks that that was too many. Anyway, he has successfully made me feel like crap and that anyone that I dated before him did not love me. His insecurities have made me lose friends and a constant questioning everyday. Is it time to let go?" (Related article: When to breakup?)
Absolutely. Not only is this man insecure, he also does not know how to treat a woman. When a man makes the love of his life feel like crap, he does not love her. He probably does not know what love is. While there is nothing wrong about having a few relationships or having children from a relationship, he simply has no right to make you feel miserable about your choices. We at LuvCube believe that even if you committed the biggest crime in the world, your partner does not have a right to make you feel bad about it.
How to make sure that you do not run into an insecure man again?
- Insecure men tend to ask too many questions, monitor you more than the expected concern for a loved one, and often dwell more on the past than their relationship with you.
- An insecure man will not respect your choice and will try to convey that his choice is better than yours.
- A man with insecurities looks at everything with suspicion, trusts no one, and is often imagining conspiracies where there are none.
If you see any of the above in a man's personality, run from him as fast as you can. A confident man knows that you like him for who he is and he likes you for who you are and the past is not an issue. He will give you your space but will provide you with a blanket of security when you need it.
Related article: What is a good time to breakup?
By Pierre Coda, the author of Consultant Blog