Teenage relationships are not easy because there is simply so much that you do not know. While most teenagers try to make the best of what they get, it can be heart-wrenching to deal with confusing signals, mixed messages, and of course, mixed opportunities. (Related article: Love with a high school classmate)

Hannah is going through a similar dilemma. She writes, "I'm 16 and have never dated. Lately, this boy who used to not notice me very much has been noticing me after I sang for this class project one day. His locker is right next to mine, and so he passes by me (there or in class) to say "Hi," to make a compliment, or to make small talk. It seems like we always see each other in the hallways, and I have caught him looking at me a lot during classes we have in common. I don't know if we're merely making random eye contact or if he has been staring, though. I was nice, but distant, at first because I was busy and tired at the time. He persisted with this, and I started to kind of like him. But now, after I performed this other song in another class, it seems like he's ignoring me. Maybe I didn't do too well, but he did talk to me and complimented me for a couple of days right afterward. Then, he almost completely left me alone like he did before. I haven't approached him, and he hasn't approached me. I still catch him looking at me once in a while, but it sometimes seems like he goes out of his way to avoid eye contact with me. What's going on? Did he like me because he was impressed, and decided to give up on me because I wasn't as good as he had originally thought? Did the infatuation wear off? Is he waiting for me to approach him? I'm so confused, because I kind of like him now! Please help me."

1. I think he likes you but when you did not respond positively he sort of assumed that you were not interested or were already in a relationship with another boy. Boys don't like to be rejected and he thought that if he pushed too hard he will simply be asked to get off your back. (Related article: How to attract women?)
2. And nothing is random in this world, particularly eye contact. If he is looking at you, he has feelings for you. It might seem that he is avoiding you now because he tried and you did not reciprocate. (Related article: How to attract men?)
3. So what can you do? Well take charge by being nice to him, approaching him, and even flirting with him a little. Give a hint about doing something together; he will be delighted. It is not that he thinks that you are not good enough. He might have thought he was not good enough for you because you did not respond. (Related article: Use body language to charm someone)

Recommended article: Recreating teenage romance

Breakup tips for teenagers

Dating for shy teenagers

- By Pierre Coda

Carla writes, "I dated a guy for 7 weeks and all the time he was way more into me than I into him. He voiced being "crazy about me," wanting "to share everything with me," willing to drive to the end of the world to see me and so on. I believe I gave equal investment to the relationship also, as from day one we hit it off like a house on fire. And to be honest, I was walking on air, smiling endlessly, and full of energy for the duration of the relationship. One evening he drove 70 miles from his home to break it off with no reason; just that "he had doubts." It was completely out of blue to the amazement of my friends who say how we "gelled great together." Trying to analyze the situation with him, he said he still was attracted to me and really liked me but felt it had to end. Six weeks later after the breakup, he still has not made any contact through an email or phone. I have met other guys, but there is no chemistry and my energy is quite low over this. What do you suggest I should do? I would be grateful if you could give objective insight in order to aid me to move on."

As you can guess, men come in all "shapes and sizes." First of all, it was a 7 week relationship and that amounts to a casual relationship rather than anything serious. As you reflect on it you must tell yourself that it was only a great casual relationship and you were too naive to think that it was something that was meant to last for too long. It also looks as if this guy got what he wanted from you because you were too naive to believe him. Like any woman, you probably liked all the nice things that he said to you and there is nothing wrong with that. It is human nature. He said those to simply seduce you and to get what he wanted. I am assuming that he even got into bed with you.

The other thing to remember is that what goes up comes down. And what goes up too fast, comes down even faster. Indeed there are men that simply like something too fast and then one thing goes wrong and they dislike it equally strongly. I personally do not like such people because they are immature and tend to focus too much on just one thing in a person. In reality though, while there may be something too good or too bad in a person, we are way more complex than that as human beings. For a relationship to be successful, we have to like the whole person. Maybe he was one of those people who just was charmed by one thing and then turned off by another thing.

Such men are quite "dangerous" because they are extremely charming and use their charm to break numerous hearts. I can guess how you feel and how no other man seems even close to him right now, but trust me, the world is full of wonderful men. (Related article: Dating tips to find a soul mate)

So it is much better to learn from this experience, and the biggest lesson is that if a relationship is moving too fast you need to slow down. It is simply impossible to see that kind of chemistry in 7 weeks and what you saw was just a different person (not the real him). He was trying to be what you wanted him to be so that he could get what he wanted. Once he got it, he is probably now doing the same with another girl.

So, isn't it great that you had such a good time? Think of it as a pleasant dream and keep the sweet memories with you. And of course, it is time to start a new relationship now that you are smarter than you were 7 weeks ago.

Related: Conflict resolution in relationships

- By Pierre Coda, author of Plastic Surgery Blog

While being in a relationship means that the partners should be ready to make some sacrifices necessary for love, it does not mean that one should sacrifice everything. Those days are long gone. In our society with 50% divorce rates, marriage is merely one step in our lives. In other words, at all points we should be independent. If we find a great relationship, fine; otherwise, we should not be dependent on a man or a woman to help us go along.

This point is very well illustrated by Jennifer's example who wants to pursue college education but her boyfriend would rather have her next to him. She says, "For the last month or so I have been debating about going back to college. Now Hugh told me the other day that if I didn't attend college in his area, he would breakup with me. I have been with him for almost 2 years and most of the time he is supportive. I've been trying to work out a schedule so that I could go to college where I live, work nearby, and be able to see him. So far he hasn't been happy with anything and when I become upset, he hangs up the phone or just ignores me. It's getting to the point that I don't know what to do. I love him more than anything in this world, but I don't know if I should stay with him any longer. Please help. I don't have the strength any longer to figure this out." (Related article: How to breakup without hurting your partner?)

The answer is very simple. If I loved you, the first thing on my mind would be to do whatever I can so that you can go ahead in life. True love stays that way whether you are 5 miles or 500 miles away. A true lover would help you in any way he can so that you can achieve your dreams, particularly when you are still young and have a noble dream like going to college.

This gentleman is simply being selfish and mean. Either he does not appreciate the value of college education or he does not want you to get a good education. In either case, it is a good time for you to think if you want to be with a man who does not value higher education and does not want you to pursue your dreams. (Related article: Tips on breaking up)

It is pretty obvious where your and his priorities are and they are definitely not aligned. Generally this is a good sign that the relationship may not work out long term. I would strongly suggest that you go to a school that will help you go ahead in life and forget about him. Even if the school is 500 miles away but gives you the education that you need, go there. Once you get a good education, find a great job, and go ahead in life, guys will be all over you.

Related article: Finding happiness after breakup

- By Pierre Coda

The whole issue of friends becoming lovers is not easy to deal with. When you fall in love with a close friend, it is a great start because you know the person already so well. But many friendships are great friendships simply because the stress of a relationship is not there. I can say a lot of things to a friend but if I said the same things to my wife, I might be in deep trouble. It is simply how the human mind works and that is why it is important to have both great friends and a lover. (Related article: Friendship among boys and girls at an early age)

Let us see what Brian is going through. He writes, "In a nutshell I'm in love with my best friend. She loves me like a brother and I know that's just her excuse to not get involved with me but I don't want to just walk away from her like, "If you won't have me, then I won't be your friend." Here's the tricky part. When she says she loves me like a brother, it's somewhat mutual. The problem is she's a gorgeous girl and over time I've grown to love her and I'm attracted to her. It's so confusing, because I want to be romantic with her and yet I still want to be friends. So I can't blow it and go all out. I've made advances, which weren't too crazy or aggressive, but she always uses the brother excuse. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel a need to be her friend and lover at the same time. I'll be thankful for any suggestions. I honestly love the girl. I have a stronger urge to kiss her most of the time." (Related article: What to do when you fall in love with your best friend?)

This is a very delicate situation. And what you are going through is fairly normal among childhood friends. What was non-romantic when you were kids can become a different feeling once the hormones start to act.

My advice is that if you do something stupid, then you will end what I guess is a wonderful relationship. But if you do it right, you might not get exactly what you want, but you can still keep her as a friend. So what am I suggesting? Tell her exactly how you feel and write it down if you think you might not be able to say it. Tell her how your feelings have changed as you have grown older and how you feel about her now. Don't suggest any next steps. This is a time to share as you would with any good friend and hopefully she will understand.

Just ask her what she feels at this time. If she feels the way you do, then you are all set. If not, you can let her know that you cherish her friendship a lot and nothing will change if you do not have a romantic relationship. That is why you were so direct and honest with her in the first place and knew that she would understand. It is also important to understand that you must respect her decision and her as a person no matter what her decision is. If she rejects a romantic relationship with you, she is not rejecting you; she is simply rejecting the notion that a romantic relationship with a childhood friend is a bad idea.

A small possibility exists that your relationship with her might change forever and may never be the same again. But this is a risk that you might want to take so that you will have closure on this issue. If she gives you a decision one way, it will be easier for you to move on, even if she is no longer even your friend.

Related article: Even couples should have good friends

I have been emphasizing that having good male friends for women is important. What they learn from these friendships can be very useful in romantic relationships. In addition to that I am also recommending that boys and girls be allowed to mix as early as possible so that they come to respect each other. However, we do not live in a perfect world; do we?

Friendships with the opposite sex are normal and healthy but the challenge comes when you fall in love with your friend and fail to separate the unplanned feelings you end up developing along the way. When we start to make or prefer having friends with the opposite sex we should understand what we are getting into. We should not forget the fact that opposites attract and that you are still a human being with feelings and emotions but you also have a brain to make wise decisions. Great as these friendships may be, this is one important issue most people tend to overlook, forget or simply ignore. (Related article: How to get ready for a relationship?)

At the beginning you can agree on certain terms and become best friends where your friend makes it clear that nothing more will ever happen. But the day he/she decides to have a girl/boy friend may not be the best thing that can happen to you, because chances of you being jealous and possessive are high. If you are not careful, one of you may get hurt. You need to be alert because the more time you spend with somebody the easier it is to become fond of them as you have built a bond that is similar to that when you are in a serious relationship. The following story illustrates this point:

Susan is a young lady and spends most of her time with her friend John. They have been friends for a while but John has a girlfriend. She became very fond of John because he was such a good friend and so much like the guy of her dreams - he had all the qualities she was looking for in a man. John liked her too but not in the same way as she felt. One day she got jealous and complained as to why he never called her and John simply said, "What is wrong with you Sue? Have you forgotten that I have a girlfriend!"

So you can imagine how rejected Susan felt and it was not John's fault; neither was it hers. This can happen to anybody. Hence, the need to draw the line and talk about it openly if you should feel differently and start having fantasies or feelings. I think you should look for an opportunity and be brave enough to tell your mate how you feel so that they know. You see friendship is not only a requirement in any relationship but a good foundation as well and if both of you feel the same way about each other; it can be a bonus when it works out. (Related article: Even couples should have other couples as friends)

Opening up will help you a lot because you may both be going through the same turmoil; otherwise, you may suffer a great deal of pain if you will "bottle up" the feelings that can’t be expressed. It will cause you to be very frustrated and moody towards that person and one day you may just explode and destroy your friendship like Susan did. Remember love is unconditional and it can happen to anybody. However, most times this does not occur to the other person and I have seen a lot of people struggle in this area and they are so confused and fail to stop at the red light. So if you feel this way and you have talked about it and it looks like it won't work out better you stop that friendship in order to avoid more pain for yourself.

Understand this, human beings are social beings who want to be accepted, appreciated and loved so when they experience this, unfortunately they tend to mistake kindness or friendship as an advance or a green light or accuse you of leading them on. They are also complex creatures with varied tastes or preferences. They may like you just like a sister or a brother and not feel anything else besides this and you may feel differently as well.

Points to think about when you prefer friendships with the opposite sex

• Remember that you are not dating yet or he/she is not your boy/girlfriend and you don't own them.
• Avoid being together alone too often as this allows a breeding place for passion.
• Never allow a relationship to start without discussing it. If you see things turning off course, stop and reevaluate your friendship, and ask, "Tom, where is this leading to? Are you sure this is what you want?" So that you both know where you stand.
• Talk openly about relationships, that is, what kind of person you would like to go out with and when, etc.
• If you think it is not a good idea to keep going to places together, then do tell your mate instead of avoiding them.
• When you start dating, introduce your girl/boyfriend to your mate.
• Learn to read each other's gestures; it will help you notice certain things early.

Related

Love at first sight

Turn a friend into a lover

- By Imfwama Wotela

Dating a young man; personal story

Being a woman who has been dating a man 15 years younger (he's 33 and I am 48) I have found that I not only have to be honest and open with him, but with myself as well. He was attracted to me because of my maturity level and felt that women his age or younger were immature. You should never lie about your age or anything else, and what others think of your relationship is something that THEY have to deal with, not you. And in the words of my best friend and lover, "When it comes to matters of love, go with what your heart says. If you think too much, you will always be single."

We met through an online dating site, and liked each other right away. We had a lot of things in common and even our differences in culture and opinion have kept our relationship lively! Did I say that I am an African-American and he is Caucasian. It seems as if men between the ages of 30-36 have a healthy balance of youth and maturity. Our openness about color/age differences has kept us together for a little over a year.

I think the best tips I could give would be:

1. Be true to yourself and always be honest with your partner. If there are things that make you uncomfortable about how your family and/or friends perceive your relationship, talk it out with them. (Related article: Communication among couples)
2. Age IS just a number! Take care of your body and mind. (Related article: Couples with large age gaps)
3. Keep a good sense of humor. I have to laugh and tease my partner about my being just 8 years younger than his mom and dad.
4. Be open to learning new things from your partner, as well as teaching. We have never really had a "bad" experience since we began dating. Most of the time people ask how we get along and how we met. I love him very much, and he loves me, and as corny as this sounds, that's all that really matters. (Related article: Ingredients of a happy relationship)

We are best friends above everything else, and have promised to be just that no matter what happens.

Recommended article: Tips on dating younger men