According to the latest statistics, as many as 12% of the relationships today start online. No wonder someone you know has found love online. While this is a totally new way of meeting people, we have quickly accustomed ourselves to the new reality. Exchanging emails and SMS, sending photos and video clips, or chatting online with your webcams on are all being interpreted as "virtual dates." There are many advantages to it which I have highlighted in several articles on internet dating and online matchmaking but sometimes we might do things online that we do not normally do in person - and that can be a problem.

Let us look at Erna's situation. She is a 47-year old, who after many years of being divorced, found someone that she clicked immediately. "We have the same interests, laugh a lot, have the same morals and mottos in life. He lives more than a thousand miles away. We've exchanged photos and spoke over the phone, literally for hours on end! We talk about our deepest feelings, dreams and wishes. Then he even said to me one day that he loved me. It was the most wonderful set of words and I reciprocated with the same words. We were on an absolute high for several weeks. I trust him, and feel calm and can be myself in his company, and he is doing the same. People asked me how do I know that it is real love, and I just know; he is the one for me. We both had stormy relationships in the past and we both want to do it right all the way this time. He is committed and wants to take things further, so he bought me a plane ticket to come and visit him and his family in three weeks' time. We are both so excited and are having smiles on our faces and are so in love, I feel like a teenager. He is a shy person, but has a strong character. I am a bit more outgoing. I sent him lots of SMS, e-mails, MMS, telling him about my love for him. I wonder if I might have started smothering him, because over the weekend, he became very quiet. Although we had spoken on Friday right through the night! He phoned me today and said that he feels 99% strong about us, but has a 1% doubt about his feelings. He said he doesn't want to hurt my feelings by keeping quiet and tagging me along. I do appreciate his honesty tremendously and think he is indeed very brave to tell me that, because he had a hard time getting it out to me. I asked if he needed time to think things over and he said he just need things to slow down a bit, because he is so scared that the same thing would happen like in his previous relationships, where he also felt 100% sure before-hand and then it went downhill. He still wants us to communicate and he still wants me to visit him, because he wants to see me in person to make sure of his feelings. He said he loves me very much; that did not change. I am so scared I don't know what to do, because I would climb mountains for this man, but don't know how to approach things from here on to make sure I don't chase him away for ever. Please help."

Indeed a case in which showing too much love in too short a time can turn a man off. While there is no reason to panic when a man (or even a woman) responds with caution. This could merely be a case of Jennifer Wilbanks who panicked when the moment of truth came. In my opinion and experience working with couples, such feelings are common prior to meeting someone (for the first time) that you think you know so well.

First of all, Erna's relationship has been "virtual." She needs to make it real by actually visiting him and spending some time with him before making any further decisions. While it is easy to feel that you are deeply and madly in love when you meet someone virtually, it is only when you meet someone in flesh and blood that you learn so much more about a person - stuff that is critical to making important decisions about a relationship. So there is no need for Erna to change plans in any way about meeting him, but she should keep her expectations under control.

It is obvious that they both may have overdone the communication part since it easy to do that using all the tools that we have. Sending an email in the middle of the night or sending an SMS while sitting in a business meeting is so easy, but it can also scare some people and that is what may be happening to him. It is simply so easy to say "I love you" in an email or a chat - it is not so easy when you look right into the other person's eyes.

So my recommendation is that you change nothing at all except that you limit your communication with him. So one contact (either by email or phone) per day is enough till you see him. And when you do see him, treat it as your first date and not your honeymoon. Use the opportunity to learn more about him and do not make any decisions while you are there. Come back, give yourself some time, talk to friends and family, and then decide if he is the man for you.

In the meantime, learn more about dating and pleasing a man so that when you do see him, you do all the right things.

Recommended article: Dating after divorce

After some reports that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston may have gotten a divorce over having children, many couples are realizing that it is something that they need to deal with early on the relationship. However, it can also mean that it might very well be the end of the relationship. In many cases, couples do not deal with this issue hoping that after they get married, they can deal with or even if one person is opposed to it, she or he will change.

There is no good answer to it, but it is best to deal with this as early as possible. But for Alice in Los Angeles, it was the end of her relationship. "I have been with my boyfriend for seven years and have just had a talk with him about marriage and children. Well, he gave his case of why he has not wanted either and then asked me to wait six weeks until he got some stuff together then he would let me know what he wants to do. Well, it hasn't been six weeks yet, and I have come to realize I don't want to marry him and or have children with him. How do I end this relationship after I opened this can of worms?" she asks.

How to end a relationship?

Indeed, you were with who we call as a "commitment phobic man." A man who wants to have all the fun but does not want to take on any responsibility that comes with being in a relationship. If your priorities are not his priorities, then it is time for you to let him go.

Now comes the hard part. How do you throw someone out of your life with whom you have been so intimate for seven long years? Trust me, it is not going to be easy to end this relationship, but here is how you go about it:

1. First, make sure that you really want to end this. In other words, if the guy starts to plead and make promises, you will not change your mind. To breakup, you must be 100% sure that you want to end this relationship.
2. You do not have to be mean to him either. Just because you are ending a relationship, you have no right to knowingly hurt him or tell him mean things at this point in the relationship. Like laying someone off, be professional and courteous. The world is small - you never know how you might run into him again or even need him.
3. Tell him what your priorities are and how there is no match between the two. You have been with him for seven years but it is time for you to move on to a new phase. And in that phase there is no place for him. Will he kindly move on and let you move on as well? Keep it short, sweet, and without emotion. Do not spend a lot of time so that you breakdown. If he lives with you or has things that you share or keep, either give him those right away or tell him exactly what he can do to let you/him move out as soon as possible.
4. Take a break for at least 90 days from dating and relationships. Recharge your mind and soul. And when you refreshed and full of energy, start a new life.

Related article: How to move on after breakup?

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston had a divorce for reasons that I thought were "stupid." If we all started to divorce for similar reasons, there would be not many marrid folks left in America. However, I thought that was the end of it. We thought we all learned the following from that divorce:

It is important to discuss all your priorities with your partner
before tying the knot.

But it seems that the whole Brangelina phenomenon is not about to end any time soon. While both Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have denied that they are in a relationship or if she was somehow responsible for the divorce, the gossip mill is working. Their pictures have emerged in what anyone would call as "unacceptable" for a married man. To make things even more confusing, the couple is appearing in a huge spread in the W magazine as a happily-married couple with children in the 50s. And of course, release of the movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" just makes them look like a hot couple even if they don't come to the premiere together.

Is there such thing as "Brangelina?"

Probably. The evidence is overwhelming. Having said that, Angelina Jolie is also a woman with very high values. So what is going on? Are they in a serious relationship or they just had a casual relationship? No one knows.

What does it all mean for you?

1. Never date a married person. I would say that be careful even while dating someone who has been recently divorced. If you like someone who is married, instead of committing adultery, it is best to either seek someone single or ask the person to get a divorce first. Chances are that either the person will realize the folly of being attracted to others while being married, or by that time your attraction for that person might simply disappear.
2. Divorce destroys families, as we have seen in the case of Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards, and previously in the case of Where to find love?
   

   Let us talk about love

   Tips for healthy relationships
   
   Ingredients of happy relationships

Debbie in Ohio recently found out that the man she has lived with for 2 years and has a child with him has been talking to another woman. When she confronted him about it, he first lied, and then he finally admitted to being attracted to her. She says, "Now I don't know if I can trust him again. I love him very much and he says he loves me too, but I am afraid to trust him again. This has hurt me a lot. Why can't I believe him when he says he doesn't talk to her any more and says he loves me? Please help."

I am sorry to hear that you have been a victim of a cheating boyfriend - not uncommon in today's world where opportunities for cheating are literally a click away. We all make mistakes, however, and if this is just a one-time mistake that he has made, he deserves to be forgiven provided he is genuinely sorry about it and promises to never do it again.

Since he is the one who broke the trust, it is his responsibility to do everything that he can to rebuild the trust. And you have to let him know that in clear terms. Just sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel. And then ask him that he has to try to do his very best to rebuild the trust; otherwise, the relationship is in jeopardy. There is absolutely no doubt that a relationship without mutual trust is doomed.

Another point that you might want to think about, though, is that why was he talking to another woman. How is your communication with him? Can he talk everything that he wants to with you? Are you a good listener? Are you open-minded enough to let him share everything that he wants to? If not, he is likely to seek another listener. In other words, you both have to learn to communicate as a couple as well and you have to ask yourself if you have not done what needed to be done to be his partner. It is entirely possible that he is just a man without values and looks forward to cheating no matter how good you are, but it will be worthwhile for you to spend some time thinking about what, if anything, you may have done wrong.

If you realize that you did not take care of yourself and did not pay attention to him, then you should work together so that both of you are happy and each other's needs are satisfied. And if you have done your best and he is just a ****, then you are wrong to love him. You may want to breakup with him and move on.

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Julia in Malta asks, "I have a big problem at the moment and I'd like your help. There's this guy I like and I would love to become close friends with him. I see this guy every week so it is quite easy in some ways. How can I make him notice me? Shall I take the first step? How? When?"

It is a common question that women have. How to attract a man? Somehow women wrongly assume that the man they like will simply pursue them because, well, they like them. While men do approach women most of the time, a man may not always do so for a variety of reasons. In that case, a woman has to take charge of the situation.

1. The best thing to do is to give a subtle hint and hopefully you will get what you want without doing anything else. A hint can be given simply by way of a smile or through extended eye contact followed by a meaningful smile (if you don't know how to flirt, practice it with a friend first) or any other gesture appropriate to your situation and context. There are also enormous resources available in form of books and videos on how to flirt. (Related article: Shyness among women)
2. If subtle hints do not give the desired result, then you must approach the man and start small talk. This will definitely increase his level of comfort with you and hopefully move things forward. At this point he will know that you are interested in him and he should take over from there.
3. Finally, if nothing works, just say, "Would you like to have a drink with me?" My guess is that if the guy still does not get it, then he is not the right man for you.

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