Can there be breakups without pain? Sounds like an oxymoron but it is indeed possible to minimize the pain to your partner when you do want to end a relationship.

Faith is in a relationship with a man that she does not like all that much but the guy is deeply and madly in love with her. In fact, Faith tells me that she is a heartbreaker and might have gotten a bad reputation in the area because of that, but she still wants to end her current relationship. "Is there any way to have him breakup with me instead? For instance, have him change his feelings for me somehow? I need your help," she writes.

There is always pain when a couple ends their relationship particularly when one partner loves the other more than the other. However, the more honest you are about it the lesser will be the pain. I know one simple trick could be that you make him believe that you are seeing someone else and that would make him dump you. Somehow I don't like this deceptive approach. What would be most appropriate is to tell him in rather general terms that things have changed in your life and you would like to end your relationship with him. You can honestly tell him that you are not seeing anyone else nor do you think of him as a bad man. You just do not wish to be in "ANY" relationship at all. And you would really appreciate if you can end the relationship. And do not agree on being friends or to revisit the issue after a few weeks. It just does not work when you are quite clear about what you want. And to be a lady, you should not jump into another relationship the very next day. Hopefully, you will take a break for a few weeks. In that time, he will move on and so can you.

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Start a new life after a breakup

While it is easy to say that one should move on after a breakup or a divorce, it is not easy, particularly for women who have more emotional capital invested into a relationship. Men generally find it easy to not only erase memories of a previous relationship, they also enter a new relationship relatively quickly. That is the dilemma facing Christine who is facing a challenge moving on.

Christine writes, "Can you give me some advice on how to move on after a breakup with my boyfriend? I still have feelings for him though he totally ignores me. In fact he has already started dating other girls. Since we are in the same college, we are still sort of friends, but every time we see each other, he tends to look down on me. I want to be happy again - like him - as if nothing ever happened between the two of us."

I can understand your dilemma and it is not always easy for a woman to disengage from a man she loved so deeply. However, it seems that not only does this man not like you any more, he also wants to hurt you by ignoring you and making you feel bad about yourself. I have a feeling that he may be doing some of these things deliberately to make you feel miserable.

The question is why do you have such low self esteem that you still have feelings for a man who does not care about you at all?

Here are a few tips to think about:

1. Try to stay away from him to the extent possible. Friendship after a breakup is not always great idea, particularly when the other partner can be mean.
2. Take a break by going on a solo vacation. Use the time to recharge yourself and clear up your mind.
3. Trust yourself and your abilities as a woman to attract other men. Give yourself some time so that you can take a break from romance and then just try to find another boyfriend. Now that you have learned something from this relationship try to use it to your advantage.
4. And finally, remember that this is just a guy. Men come and go and there are always better men out there than the one you dated. When you date online, it is so easy to pick and choose these days.