I had written previously about insecure men and my analysis of who these men are has definitely convinced Martin that he is one of them. He says, "I am that guy, and I didn't realize it was that bad or noticeable. My girlfriend of 16 months has put up with it, and while we both agree that I've gotten a lot better about it, I still feel that I have a problem (especially after reading your posting!). I'm often out of town a lot for work and have feelings of insecurity and anxiety about what my girlfriend could be doing. She messed up a couple times in the beginning of our relationship and I feel like that's where most of my insecurity is still coming from. What should I do? It is killing me."
You have taken the toughest step already by admitting to yourself that you have a problem. It seems that this admission on your part was probably the most important reason you have made some progress. People like you have low self esteem too. They lack confidence in their ability to make a woman keep loving them and live under constant fear that she will find another man.
So what can you do to get even better?
- Just take it easy. You can never really force anyone (unless you resort to abuse) to love you or to do things that only you want - once that person realizes that it is not making them happy, that person will move on. So you have to try to be a better person and that is what will keep a woman hooked on to you.
- Love your partner without doubts. You have to love your girlfriend the most you can and forget about what she might do - if you think you can stop a woman from cheating on you, you are naive. Even if you did not travel this much, but if a woman wants to commit adultery, she will and you will rarely or never find out. However, if you are a good man to your woman, if you love her with all your heart and respect her, I see no reason for her to do anything stupid.
Having said that, if this woman is not trustworthy because of her record, it is better to dump her unless she has reformed and has promised not to do anything like that again. You must, at this point, take her word and build a beautiful relationship. However, if you cannot trust her, it will be better to end the relationship with this woman. But what I have said above must apply to any woman you date in the future.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Well, you can not only target a person that is already in a relatinship you can even try that with a married person. While I do not like the idea a lot, if you want you can even steal someone's boyfriend if you wish.
Having said that, well, one boyfriend by the age of 17 - maybe it is not as bad as you think. By this age, most people are really just looking to have friends; serious relationships do not come until a little later in life. So having one good relationship by that time is actually quite an achievement. And women who have several relationships by the time they are 17 are actually moving too fast, going through too many breakups, and I wouldn't be surprised if they become cynical about love and have problems later on in life.
But let us get back to your problem. Typically if a guy is interested in someone else, I do not advise people like you to bother since it only creates more complications and heartache. Plus, if you don't get him, you will feel even more frustrated and further start believing that something is really wrong with you. That may not be the case in the first place. (Related article: Dating for teenagers)
I have noticed is that many women are good people to hang out with but they have not learned the simple tricks to communicate to a man that they want a relationship - not just friendship. The men then enjoy hanging out with them but when it comes to romancing a woman they chase the romantic types. Or, you are just hanging out with the wrong kind of guys. For a good looking/outgoing/well-liked person there is no other explanation. So try to hook with a few new guys and see where it goes.