"I don't understand why or how she can stay with this man who is an alcoholic. Nevertheless, I told her I'd wait the nine years until her youngest is an adult. I know that sounds crazy, but this is how much I love her. She is my best friend and I know that I will treat her with the love and respect that she deserves. I know the feelings are mutual. Anyway, my question to you is simply this: How should I go about asking her to divorce?" he asks.
Well, congratulations on finding your soulmate - you are the lucky one.
Now, let's talk about your relationship. You are putting yourself in a very tricky situation. While it is very romantic of you to be willing to wait this long (and what is the guarantee that after that time she will still not refuse to leave her husband?), it is highly unpractical - she will be in an adulterous relationship for next nine years and you will miss the chance to find another woman. That is why it is best to convince her to get a divorce.
Getting a divorce is not an easy decision - people struggle over it for years. Divorce destroys families. Give her time, show the value of the relationship with you, and let her make up her own mind. At the same time, if you can, develop a relationship with her children. If she is convinced that you can be a good father figure for her children, it may be easier for her to see you as a husband.
And finally, don't push her. What will convince her to end her marriage is the love that she will see coming from you for her and the children. I would also say that if she is not convinced to leave her husband for you, you might want to rethink your options.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
While I have seen great relationships developing out of even casual encounters over the web, I am wondering if he wants one of those marriage for green card. It is something to think about since to promise all this without even meeting you once is somewhat suspicious. Indeed, there are arranged marriages, but for someone like you, I would not advise that you think of marriage till you have not only met him but actually spent some time with him. (Related: Mature women dating younger guys)
Let me tell you - anyone can be nice on the phone or online but people can be very different in real life. Since you have an opportunity to find out first before you commit to marriage, it is best to do your research first. So it is a good idea to visit him and his family and check him out. Maybe you will like him, maybe not. And just behave as you would with another man who was your age - so don't pay much attention to the fact that he is younger since most young men now support their mature girlfriends. (Related: Challenges of dating a younger man)
Since you have already gone through a bad marriage, I would suggest that you be more careful picking your partner this time. So when you see him and if you like him, please do not say yes to marrying him right away. If possible, ask him to visit you in the US for a few weeks. (Related: Relationships of mature women and younger men)
Only when you have fully checked him out and tested his sincerity, should you marry him. Make this decision slowly. As I said earlier, go slow when dating online. There is no need to rush. I am a little bit doubtful of his intentions at this point, no matter what he says and how romantic he sounds.
Couples with big age gaps
Older women with younger men
Date young men
How to find a younger man
Rules for dating younger men
Mature women are great lovers