Stephen writes, "My girlfriend just broke up with me. We had been going out for three years and I was certain that she was the one (I even started looking for engagement rings). We were going to move to California, where she was going to go to graduate school. All of a sudden, she freaks out and says that she wants to take a break to see what else is out there, and to "live a little" because she felt that we were "losing our identities." She says she still loves me but that she needs space and that we will see what happens (one of those "if it's meant to be..."). I have a false hope that she will get back with me after she realizes her mistake, but i can't deal with this overwhelming sadness and the urge to be an obsessive ex. Please help! I love her so much but this is killing me."

What can you do when you girlfriend does not want to get married?

It is often the case that when the moment of truth comes many women and men freak out. Marriage is a big commitment and it can scare both men and women. That is what is happening to her.

Another possibility is that she was never convinced that you were the man for life for her. She stayed with you till she was able to confirm that feeling or that she really did not have an option or that she was waiting for an opportunity to breakup or was just too timid to say what she really felt. She thinks that by committing to something more than just dating, she might not be able to have fun and may have to get married when she really does not want and that too with a man she is not so sure of.

Not fair to you by any means but definitely not unusual, especially among younger people.

The right thing for you to do is to move on. Trust me if you are a nice guy (appears that you are), many girls will love to have you as a husband and you should have no trouble finding that lucky girl. If this ex of yours does not appreciate what you have in mind for her and your life together, she is the unlucky one and not to be pursued by you against her will.

My personal recommendation is to let her move on too and you shouldn't even send her a card during the holidays. Just retain the sweet memories of the relationship but start dating again. I am hopeful that in no time you might find that for great guys there are always lots of great girls.

After having a series of relationships with men who did not know how to treat a woman right, Mandy found a boyfriend, but with a problem: dating but no commitment to marry. "He was once married and has three kids. He also had an affair with a another woman (while married and that is what led to divorce) and has a baby from this woman. But when I met him that was no problem because before all the guys I met were jerks. The problem is now we are in to each other so much, and we are happy that we are together but he is afraid that if our relationship went further then we have to get married but he is afraid that things my not work out and lead to divorce again. For me he is the only guy who has ever treated me well and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. What can I do? What can I say to show though that not all women are like his previous relationships and we can be married forever?" she asks.

I understand your situation and that is why I think that this is not the best man for you. Why? Yes, he may be a nice guy but he has a lot of baggage with him. Four kids from two women? Yes, he will be too busy paying child support that he will not have time for you or money to pay for his children with you.

Plus, men who have gone through divorces and breakups often become cynical about relationships in general and that is what you are seeing with him.

I can understand why you are attracted to him because he is the first man that has treated you like a lady but I also know that there are other good men out there that are gentlemen but have no baggage.

I don't think you should breakup with him right away but it is a bad idea to dream of a wedding with him.

Previously I gave dating tips for teenagers and in response to a question, I gave more specifics tips on dating for shy teenagers.

Well, Michael benefited from both articles but still wrote to ask more specific questions. "I am a 17 year old highschool student, and well, I haven't had a girlfriend in my life. Nowadays in highschool, I would say that 8 out of 10 women you know have blonde or brown hair and do what they can to make their chests stick out. Well, those kind of women don't do it for me. I find that I would rather be in a relationship with a woman I can stand to be with and I am attracted to rather than dating one of those airheads and be miserable. To be honest I am more attracted to average women rather than the model types. But my real question is well I am not really Mr. Handsome that makes every women fall in love instantaneously. I would have to say my looks are only average if not most likly below average. So one of my questions is How important are looks to a woman? Also what are some ways I can approach her, and well, what if she finds out I have never been with a girl before?"

Well, I do admire you for your philosophy that you only want to go out because you are genuinely interested rather than trying to be with the most popular girl even if it means that you are miserable in the relationship and she treats you like an accessory.

Do looks matter to girls?

Now, in high school, the game works differently. There are the popular guys that are great at sports or have some other talent and girls dream of being with them. But in reality it is such a small group. That leaves a lot of guys and girls in the other group. Guys like you who are not the most handsome or great at sports or members of a band or driving a sports car. Similarly, there are girls who do not have the model-body or the most expensive clothes or a BMW to drive.

In other words, you have a huge pool of girls to choose from. Honestly, based on what we are finding out, looks are actually only a second thought to girls, if the guy is otherwise reliable, trustworthy, and fun to be with. Obviously, each girl has a type of guy that she likes and you will just need to keep trying till you meet that special someone. So start off by approaching the girls that are definitely single. Trust me these girls go to bed every night wondering why no guy asks them out.

How to approach a girl in high school?

There are many ways to approach a girl but since you are in school, a great way to do is to ask for help. Everyone likes to help. So first find out what is she good at and ask if she wants to study together since you need help in that area. That is a great way to get to know each other without the pressure of asking out someone on a date and getting rejected. When you do something related to school together you can be yourself, find out if she is really what you thought she was, and test if you have chemistry. Then at some point, you can simply suggest, "Hey, I like hanging out with you. Maybe we should go out this weekend!"

You might still be rejected or make a wrong choice or whatever, but the key is to keep trying and not give up.

I have never dated before; is that a problem?

Now to your final question about not being with a girl before. It is not an issue because you are still so young. Many parents can be strict, some guys simply don't find the right girl, or are too busy with grades -- there are a million reasons why a 17-year old has never had a girlfriend. Some girls appreciate it because they know that you will give everything to her, while others might think that no girl ever liked you and that is why you never had a girlfriend. I think the right response to a question on this issue is the one that you gave me. Say something like "I find that I would rather be in a relationship with a woman I can stand to be with and I am attracted to rather than just date someone because she is popular or good-looking. I want to be with you because you meet my high standards. " Trust me she will love hearing that.

We often assume that only women have self-esteem issues, that they are the ones that keep beating them up for not having perfect bodies. Men too can have low self esteem and lack confidence.

Michael is one such man and he honestly shared his fears with me. "About my looks I am not really sure. Most of my friends are, well, guys I have known for a long time. I have my older sisters and they are all telling me I look good. But can you really trust family with this stuff? And again I am a well-built guy. I don't go to the gym every day. So I am really not sure where I stand, but if you ask me I may be standing on the line of average or below. So if looks are what a girl thinks about, I am not sure if I am still in trouble or what?" he asks.

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How to project the right body image

How not to feel bad about your body

Well, first of all, it seems that so many people can't be wrong. If they think you look good, you probably do.

Secondly, even an average guy or girl can look great if you groom yourself properly. Have you seen those girls in the mall that show up in those baggy Tshirts and sweatpants? I hate 'em but I often see that they have great bodies and attractive faces. Still, I am not drawn to them at all. On the other hand, every man is attracted to a girl that makes an effort to put an outfit together and applies makeup the right way.

I don't know if you are the type who wears "whatever," but it is time to change that and girls will notice. Some simple changes like hairstyle, clothes, shoes, and accessories make a huge difference. Wear what you like and feel comfortable in, rather than trying to be someone you are not, but you should look put it all together, in contrast to getting out of bed and simply showing up at a party like that.

And finally, if average guy had no chances, then 90% of men will be single. That is not the case, as you well know. I am an average looking guy like you but am married to a very pretty woman (and have always dated reasonably good looking girls) who loves me for who I am. I pay attention when girls talk, I keep my promises, I show them respect, and I make them feel special. I don't drive an expensive car or tell great jokes or am the life of a party or have anything that makes me really stand out, but so are most girls.

So buddy, just raise your confidence, and don't obsess over your looks. Go ahead and do it -- trust me, it will be easier than you think and there are probably girls out there that keep wondering why you never even approached them.

Angela, a 50 year old woman is dating a 34-year old man for over three years. "Recently he started drinking heavily as he always had, then he started staying out late, then he met a woman and started talking to her via phone. He promised me he wouldn't talk to her anymore, because he didn't want to jeopardize our relationship. Now he tell me he needs time away to think things out. What is happening to my boyfriend? He says he loves me. Please advise," she writes.

First of all, as I read your story, I think it has nothing to do with an older woman dating a younger man. It is just yet another couple having a problem in their relationship.

When a relationship becomes serious and reaches a point where a man or a woman has to make that decision about its long-term future, a lot of people have serious doubts about it. The high rate of divorce has definitely put many men (and women) on alert about marriage and that too with a woman who is incapable of becoming pregnant (indeed, he should have thought of this before starting to date you, but not everyone gets everything right and many men do not realize that a relationship with a mature woman will actually last 3 years).

Men also become more critical about relationships, look at all the things that are not perfect about it, and then try to find ways to escape. I think your boyfriend is at that stage. He probably would be at the same stage even if you were 34 or younger.

My advice to you would be to give him the time that he needs to think things out. Agree on a time frame, say 30 days, so that you don't keep waiting forever while he is still dealing with his issues. If a person cannot decide things like this in a reasonable period of time, this person is not reasonable any way. During this time, be there for him but assure him that you are not some desperate woman who needs him even if he doesn't. Be confident and proud of who you are but also show him that you love him too, appreciate the relationship, and would want it to work out.

Robert, a man in his mid-50s interested in dating a younger girl. He asks, "What are some good dating websites for young women looking for older men?"

I don't like to personally recommend any website because I have not had the chance to try it myself (I am a happily married to a woman slightly older to me; thank you very much) but what I tell people is that they can use any good dating website and indicate what they are looking for in their personal ad. You can also do a Google search (for terms like Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mama or cougar dating or mature dating) and find some so-called specialty websites but I am skeptical of them because they do not have enough members or often have girls who just want your money. Many of them are actually escorts or prostitutes or want to become a mistress rather that real girls looking for a solid relationship.

Of course, I also like you to join to the completely free dating website that I am building.

Remember the guy who is in love with his mature boss? Well, I heard from yet another man who is deeply in love with a mature mother but she is afraid that he wouldn't last.

"I am 20, and she is 36 with 2 kids. I am in college and she has her own house and her own business (she teaches pilates), she is recently divorced, we met maybe 6 months ago, and we were doing great. To be honest, at first all I wanted was the sex but in all fairness, she was after the same thing. We ended up falling in love. I love her very much and we had a few things come out of the closet (my past) but i think we have gotten through everything fine. Since we started getting rather serious, she has been putting space between us though. I feel it’s because she feels she is too old for me and she doesn't want me to miss out on some other great relationship with a younger girl. And I think this is because she thinks I might leave her for a younger girl later in our relationship. I have told her she doesn't have to worry about this at all. But apparently the pressure from her friends and her thinking about her kids' reaction to us dating is kinda pushing her away from me. What she doesn't know is that she is the most amazing person I have ever met. She is the only person I have ever been with, that I could truly act like myself. I feel free! I am a rather attractive guy, and I look about 26. A lot of people think there is no way she could be older than 29. When I saw her with kids I found it hard to believe they were hers. I recently helped her find a new car and nearly every salesperson thought we were married. If we go anywhere people think we are married. I've had people tell me "my son said ...." and they aren't even my boys. It really makes me happy that we look so happy together. I actually really like her boys; one of them is just so adorable and the other is a sweetheart. The oldest one is 9 and he is kinda shy. But I think in time he may open up a little. And I'm sure we'll get along great. The other is 5. He is so sweet and cute! I connect with him really well. I dunno, I feel happier with her than I've ever been. but I think our relationship might fall apart because of our age difference. I just don't know what to do. I feel like we're perfect together, and I know she loves me, but will that be enough? Is there anyway I can show her that it doesn't matter how old she is and that I love her for her and everything that comes with her. And I won't leave her as long as she keeps loving me. I have always wanted to be the one who takes care of everything, but since my relationship with her, my whole perspective on that has changed. I feel if we do work out, then later on when she wants to quit working, I'll be making more than enough money to support her easily, because right now, she'll be taking care of me, but eventually she won't be able to do that anymore. And men always die younger, so I think it's perfect. Why doesn't she see it this way?" he wonders.

I hear from dozens of men and women like you every month. Mature women often are way too conscious about their age and completely refuse to believe that a normal young man may actually want to marry them, "adopt" their kids, and never abandon them for a younger woman (to women who raise this issue with me, I tell them that there is no guarantee that a man their age or older than them would not do that -- they have no answer to that since we have decades of data to show that older man almost always picked a younger woman when they left their wives).

It appears that you have some work to do in convincing her that your love for her and the kids is genuine. That another man may leave her too for whatever reason and your age should not be held against you. That Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are doing a great job as a couple and as parents. That friends who do not like the idea are just stuck in the old way of thinking. That she should not deny her and you the pleasure of a beautiful relationship.

I love my boss but cannot tell her so

We live in a society in which a younger man has a tough time falling in love with an older woman. Plus, we are not allowed to date our bosses (regardless of how exciting this fantasy is, it makes sense to have policies in place to control dating of coworkers).

Jamie is one of those unlucky men who has both situations happening at the same time. Here is his story. If you want to share your story, please feel free to write to me.

"I am currently in love with my supervisor. I have not crossed any lines or told her. I like my job, I need my job and I have never been fired so I keep my feelings to myself. My supervisor is around 55 and I am 40 years old. She is so beautiful. Her eyes, her smile and her sarcastic wit are wonderful. Not to mention she is much more feminine than any of the ladies my age bracket at my job. She wears a dress everyday. I have been in love with her for years. I know she and I will never date because she can never know how much I care about her. When I have looked into her eyes when we talk I have hoped she could see past our professional conversation to how far I have fallen in love with her."

My advice to Jamie is that he should express his emotions to his boss and be ready to find another job. A job can easily be found -- in fact you never know when a company will fire you mercilessly -- but you don't get many chances to find the perfect woman.