Yesterday I published the story of a man who says "Cougars want me." Indeed they do a lot these days because I keep hearing stories from both men and women in relationships with huge age gaps. Today I have heard from one of these cougars.

Samantha writes, "I am 63 (though I am often told that I look 45) and my new boyfriend is just 30. In an attempt to discover the current consensus regarding this subject of older women dating younger guys, I discovered your site and found the questions, and especially, your responses helpful and a confirmation of my own philosophy. I've usually gone out with younger men. My first husband, and father of my 2 grownup sons, was 6 years younger than me, and my second husband was 15 years younger. My most recent boyfriend (10 years younger) and I broke up more than a year ago. I was not planning to find another man until I got myself "together" in various areas. I met this man through work, but don't work with him and have known him for 2 years. He has 2 young children. The only problem, it appears, with this relationship and some of the others mentioned on your site, is the response of other people. I don't care about those other people. However, I don't show intimate affection in public (but I never did). So unless they know us personally, they're going to wonder and guess and come to their own conclusions about the nature of our relationship no matter what is or isn't in the public eye. My philosophy is "be here now," "go with the flow," etc. I'm not interested in getting married again to anyone ever. I'm active, go to the gym, still work, write, camp, hike, enjoy my grandchildren, don't smoke or drink and really enjoy my life. My new man is an added bonus and his age is not a factor for me. what is a factor is that we both enjoy pretty much the same things. We talk for hours about everything, sex is great, and we're both enjoying discovering each other and ourselves. My advice to some of those others is "don't sweat the small stuff." We are all the future and we can change perceptions and break barriers by being true to ourselves. By the way, it takes practice and time to do that. One step at a time. Enjoy the ride!"

I do admire your attitude.I think a lot of men and women in your situation could learn from your experience. Prior to responding to you, I wrote to a man minutes ago who is worried what would his parents think of him dating an older woman.

I think we all get too hung up on education, job, age, social status, looks, etc., that we forget that what makes us happy and our relationships successful is if two people are compatible emotionally and spiritually and that can happen no matter what the age difference. I know many couples who live in horrible relationships, but guess what, they are the same age and are "perfect" in all other respects.

Phillip, a 22-year old writes, "I have noticed that older women around 30 or older are paying me some attention. My height probably attracts them. It seems strange and I do not wish to be taken advantage of. How should I view this? How does this affect my relationship with my parents?"

I am not surprised at all. As the trend becomes more mainstream and everyone gets comfortable with the idea of of an older woman with a younger man, it is no longer scandalous to flirt with a younger male and even to date him. In other words, these women want to find if you are interested in dating them, probably not even thinking what your age is.

Personally I have always believed that the "person" should be the #1 priority while dating. You could end up with a really incompatible person but that person could be your age. On the contrary, a person with a huge age gap might be the perfect partner for you. So look for the person and forget the age; you will make better dating choices.

Regarding your parents, I do not know enough to comment, but any reasonable parent will support the decision of their child, if that person make him happy.

To make somebody you love feel special does not mean you have to spend a lot of money. These are some ideas to make a gift special:

Pack it nicely

It does not mean that you have to pay the expensive wrapping at the department stores. That packaging maybe nice, but it is not special. Buy some nice wrapping paper or at least tissue paper and use a store bag, but add ribbons. This is only if you cannot pack it better. You can also ask a friend for help.

Add rose petals to the gift box or put them in an envelope with a hand written note.

If you are romantic, write a poem in the card.

Add a customized CD with your favorite songs to the gift.

Personalize it. Add something small to the gift that you know your lady likes. It can be a cartoon character, her favorite scent, use her favorite color in the wrapping, etc.

Do not overspend. You do not need to get in debt to make her feel special. Buy in discount stores such as TJ Maxx or in an outlet mall. They have perfumes at great prices. Plan your budget ahead of time and then try to stick to it.

Do not forget video games, iTunes gift cards etc. -- they make great gifts. Avoid gift certificates to stores or spas; they are not personal. Use them only if you absolutely do not have time or desire to be more creative.

Ask discreet questions to find out what she wants, such as what are your top ten items in your shopping list right now? OK, it does not sound discreet, but it depends on the context of the conversation. Her close friends may also be a good source for ideas.

Give personal gifts. If you are buying a gift for your wife do not buy something for the house or for both of you (such as vacations or going to a restaurant).

Avoid the last minute rush. You will end up spending too much money and buying something that she may not like. I worked in the mall for a short time when I was a student and on Christmas eve I was told “Today we will get a lot of men buying gifts.”

Flowers are always great, but complement them with something else even if it is little.

My husband has given me diamonds, pearls, and other expensive gifts, but my favorite was one he gave me when we were dating while I was a student and he was in his first job after his masters: a set of earrings in a heart shape, a
necklace in crystals and a small pink heart, a box of chocolates in a white heart shape with pink polka dots, a small cute teddy bear with a small pink heart everything beautifully wrapped in pink and white and pink flowers. I do not think he spend more than $50 on the whole thing. Money was not abundant those days, but I still talk about that gift because it showed he though about it.

It is not just the celebrities that are assuming the role of cougars. Ordinary women that you see every day are finding love with younger men.

Kathleen, a 44-year old and a mother of a teenage son, too has fallen in love with a man who is just 24. "I met him a year ago. I thought he was so handsome and there seemed to be something special about him, but I didn't think he would want to date someone my age. We talked on the phone for a year and really developed a mental bond. He is intelligent, has good morals and values, is spiritual, and has everything that a woman could dream of. I didn't intend to fall in love with him but I have and I think the age difference is an issue. I tried not to think that at first, but after talking to him, he wants kids and I think he is a bit apprehensive about what his family will think. He has never brought up taking me around any of his friends or family which makes me feel like I am some kinda secret. Although he has indicated to me he "told" his family about me. My family would accept him if I'm happy with him. I am at a crossroads now. I love him but I am seeing some maturity issues, rather lack thereof, and I'm wondering if I should jump ship now before I get hurt. I know this guy cares for me, he tells me he loves me, and our lovemaking is phenomenal. I seem to attract younger men because I look 35, not 45, and I have a young spirit. I don't want to let him go, but I don't know if I should move forward either. Please help."

I advise a lot of women and couples in similar situations and it is important to understand that it is nothing unusual and most couples do just fine despite the age gap.

Now in your specific case, remember that at your age, it is not easy to get pregnant and have a healthy child, unless you choose donor eggs. There is a very low probability of getting pregnant naturally and still have a healthy baby but you both need to understand that the possibility is less than 5%.

I am also a little concerned that he has not bothered to declare what he has been up to. As you suspect, maybe you are just his secret relationship, and I wouldn't be surprised if he has simply told his family that he is dating someone rather than giving them all the details like your age and the fact that you are a mom to a teenager.

I do not think you should breakup right now. Give him a chance to take things to the next level. Like introductions to friends and family and discuss what is next for you both. It is also important to think about out what is it that you want from him and this relationship. A boy toy for a while or someone you want to marry? If you and him do not share the same future for the relationship, then it is best to end it sooner rather than later.

How to move on after a divorce?

I wrote previously about life after divorce for men. What many people fail to realize is that men too suffer from a divorce, often a lot more than women do. Many men simply do not have the coping mechanisms that women have developed over centuries of evolution.

Arthur is one of these men who is having a very difficult time with his divorce. "I just recently went through a divorce that I never wanted. I have placed the blame squarely on me and now I have so much guilt that I don't even know how to begin getting over it. I do know that it takes two to tango and now that I have taken the time to look back at things, she is also at fault, but when we talk about things she refuses to even admit that she had any part in this. With that being said, I have still taken the blame for everything. How does one put all the BS behind and start living again?" he asks.

First of all, it is best not to dwell over this issue with your ex and try to figure out what went wrong (the time to do anything is long gone). Your divorce is a done deal and it is best that you move on and so should she. Having said that, it is good to reflect briefly on your past to learn the lessons that will come handy in the future.

Secondly, life is about the future. There is nothing that you can do about the past but you can do amazing things with your future. Think about your life ahead and how you can change it to your liking.

Third, start to focus on your hobbies and develop a simple timeline to do things that you had always wanted to do but couldn't find the time to do them (it could have been a hobby that she hated or places that you wanted to visit but she did not or something else). It is also a good idea to develop a new circle of friends as you might have lost some due to the divorce and there will be occasions where you may not be welcome any more because you are now single.

And finally, I always recommend that one not jump into a relationship right away or even date for the first 3-6 months. So enjoy your single life for a while and rediscover what you really want from the rest of your life. Trust me, if you are a good man, there are a lot of wonderful women out there dying to find you.