Simon writes, "I have a good friend who is a bit of a busty woman. I want our bond to become closer. I want to make love to her. She has not said that she does not want it in our relationship but she seems uncertain. She seems cautious. It may be because she is busty that she is hesitant. Might this be the reason? Might there be other reasons why she seems uncertain? How can I get her to think about us being intimate? How can I make her feel comfortable about her body? How can I get her to explore her sexuality? If we do it, are there certain positions that work better for lovemaking with a busty woman?"

It is common to be reluctant about having sex until you are positively sure about a relationship. Sex brings a level of intimacy that is not easy to forget.

I would seriously doubt that her being busty has much to do with it, unless of course, her being busty also means that she has sagging breasts and fat in all the wrong places. Remember that many women with large chests are almost always also fat. Only a rare woman will be busty (without breast augmentation) and be skinny at the same time. If she is out of shape she may have low self esteem and that may be the reason for her reluctance.

In my opinion, sex is the celebration of love. If you demonstrate your love to her and prove that you like her for being what she is rather than some kind of a movie star, she will understand that you will accept her body as it is. You can enhance her self esteem by praising her looks and making her feel good about her body.

Regarding suitable position, I am not sure that there are any, unless she is overweight. If she is too fat then you may realize that traditional position likes missionary or woman on top may not work so smoothly because of the fat in the pelvic area. In that case, it requires a little adjustment so that you can penetrate her all the way.

Elizabeth writes, "I am asking about my son. He is a senior in high school and has a girlfriend. They seem to care about each other a lot. He has been taking a sex education class at school. He has said to me that now he is taking this course that he thinks that he should be allowed to have sex in his room with his girlfriend who he says that he loves. He said that in the other subjects in school he is given a chance to practice what he has learned at home. He asks why not with sex. He said that he is curious about sex and wants to try the different positions he has heard about. I guess this is normal he said that he wants to make sweet passionate love to his girlfriend. I don’t know if he knows what making love is about. I know my son’s girlfriend’s mom and she mentioned that her daughter asked her about good positions to use during the first time. Being a mom I am concerned but at the same time I want my son to have a good first time. He mentioned for a gift he would like to have a time and place in which he could make love to his girlfriend. I am debating whether it is ok or not. Any considerations? Is it true if I say no is he and his girlfriend are just going to have sex anyway but just not at home? Being a mom I am concerned but at the same time I don’t want to present sex as being wrong or dirty. He does have a loving relationship but is young. Any information about this?"

First of all, you should feel lucky and proud of raising a son that actually waited this long and then asked his mother's permission. The average age at which kids lose virginity is 13 (and even those stupid virginity pledges do not work) and almost always parents have no clue when it happens. So it is awesome that he is including you in the process and it is great that the girl's mom is aware/supportive.

I am one of those people that believe that if parents teach reading, writing, using knife/fork/, driving, and all the other hundreds of things that will make them successful in life, why not sex? And why stop them from having it when they will go ahead and do it anyway. By teaching them about sex in a healthy way, the parents can make sure that they just don't have it with a random person and also use protection.

Yes, it may be difficult for them to know all the emotional things related to relationships (and I guess even for us adults it is a work-in-progress) and you can help him to some extent. It is great to talk about all the issues related to love and sex in a frank and honest manner to develop a healthy attitude towards sex, respect for women, and being responsible about it.

That is why I encourage you to give him this as a gift complete with a condom. I am assuming that you will be able to provide them with complete privacy for a night or so at least.

Loretta writes, "My fiance is and has cheated on me. I asked him recently and he said no but I have seen texts to other women and I have seen pictures with other women several years ago when we were in a relationship but he still denies that he has cheated and he wants to know what I known to accuse him of this. I will not tell him what I know. He has been trying to see me since I told him over the phone that he has cheated on me but I will not see him. So tonight he told me to call him when I want to see him. This is how I feel if he does not admit he cheated. I do not want anything to do with him. What do you think of what I am doing? Should I do something different? I have been with this guy for 15 years. He is my only adult boyfriend. I want to get married before I get too old."

I am so sorry to hear that you are stuck with a man for so long who is addicted to cheating.

At this time you have some decisions to make. This man appears to be not reliable. So even if you give him on last chance, he might still go back to cheating. And you know very well that it is easy to breakup but so much more complicated to get a divorce.

I would suggest that you sit down with him and have another person (a family member or friend that you both respect) join you. Show him the evidence that you have and ask him what his response is. Maybe he has an explanation! If not, it maybe time to just say goodbye to him and move on. I am sure that you can find another man that will love only you and no one else.

I wrote previously about how to offer sex as a birthday gift. I have an email from a reader and she writes, "I am having a birthday party for my boyfriend. We will have some friends come over to celebrate. I have asked him what he wants for his birthday and he told me about a few regular things that he would wish for. I think that he would really like to have sex on his birthday. I know I would. This seems like a great time to express our love to each other physically. What do you think? I have several questions. Maybe you could answer them."

Note: The answers below are to questions that almost any girl or man would have before making love for the first time, be it before marriage, or as it happens in some situations, on the wedding night.

Could you give me some advice of what to wear at the birthday party that I am having?

My recommendation would be to dress more or less like you would at any other birthday party for a friend. Try to recall how you and your friends have dressed in the past and how you expect your friends to show up this time. I think you do not want to over- or under-dress.

I want to give him a hint of what is to come but do not want to overdo with the other guests present at the party. Is there a way I can give him hints without the others seeing?

It seems difficult to do, particularly if you want to keep it a secret from friends. Can you tie a ribbon in your hair? Ribbons signify gifts; so maybe he will get a hint while others might simply think it is a cute hair accessory.

When the party is ending how do I get the other people to leave without my boyfriend leaving? I do not want it make it obvious to the other what is going on.

There are a few ways to do it. Pick what works best for your situation. Tell your BF via phone/email right now that it will be nice if he stays back after the party to help out with cleaning and dishes, but then, others might offer to help out too. Tell him at the party that you have a special personal gift for him that you are too embarrassed to give in front of everyone. Can he just stay behind after the party or come back later? That might be the perfect plan, I think. It will also give him a hint but still keep him guessing.

How should I let my boyfriend know that I am ready and would like to have sex with him? We have talked about it in the past. Should I let him know of my wishes before the party? How?

Nope. It will be nice to let it happen naturally that day. That is where the surprise comes in.

When the other guest leave how can I turn the topic to what I am about to do? Should this be done through giving him a note? What should the note say? Should this be done through speaking? What should be said? Should this be done through action? If so what?

Wear some item of lingerie that resembles a gift, let your dress drop to the floor, or even better, wear a dress that has a knot at the back of the neck and ask him to untie his personal special gift. From then on he will know what is he getting.

What kind of activities should be done before undressing?

I think when you two are alone, just relax, and talk like you always would. And then at some point when you think you are ready, just ask him, "Do you want your special gift?" and ask him to untie the ribbons/knot.

What kinds of kissing should be done before undressing? Should I start with a soft kiss or dive into a passionate one? What parts on a clothed body should I kiss? Where would he like to be kissed? How long do couples tend to kiss before taking their clothes off?

Do not try to choreograph everything as if this were an opera. A lot will depend on his reactions so act according to the situation and just do what feels right at that point. There is no good or bad way. Kiss the way you feel like and the part that you want. I have no idea what kind of a man he is and how he will react but just do what makes you feel great and he will respond the right way. Maybe he will be very eager to really open his gift and it might happen even before you actually kiss. So simply be prepared for anything.

How will we know when it is time to remove our clothes? Should I ask him to undress or just undress him? Should we undress in the bedroom or can we strip en route? Should kissing be involved in undressing? If so, how?

Since he will be seeing you naked for the first time I will guess that he is ready to do it sooner rather than later unless he is really nervous and shy or hesitant to do it. Maybe he is not sure if you are ready to undress completely. So if he does not do it, ask him to do it for you. I think a lot might be going on including kissing as you undress each other or yourself so do not try to plan each activity. Just go with the flow.

Should talking be done while we are kissing and undressing? What should be said?

I am hoping that you will be engaging in small talk and being playful/naughty with each other. So just relax and do not worry about a script for talking.

What should be done when we get done undressing?

It is common to touch, feel, and kiss your partner's body.

How can I make the bedroom romantic?

As discussed previously, music, lamps, and candles will be great.

What can I do to move us to the bed?

Just pull him or go sit/lie down on the bed whenever you feel like.

What activities should we do as part of foreplay?

Kissing, saying sweet nothings, touching, grabbing, rubbing, biting, licking, etc. are great acts.

Where on his naked body should I kiss? Is there an order that he would enjoy?

I am hoping that you will start with the lips and face and go down from there. The neck and nipples are very sensitive areas too.

How much touching and kissing should be done before I move to his organ? How will I know when to move down there?

Just long enough for him to get erect. I think since it is first time for him, he will get an erection in no time and then you don't want to waste too much time. In case he does not get hard, kissing and playing with his private parts should give do the trick.

How will I know where and how he likes to be touched?

By his responses. But lips, back of ears, neck, nipples, privates, inner thighs, etc. are all quite sensitive.

How should I let him know where I would like to be touched and kissed?

Tell him so. I hope you already know what are your sensitive parts. A man knows a bit but the best way is to just tell him.

How long do couples tend to do foreplay?

Depends how long they have been together. In any case, all the little playful talk about special gift and all is part of foreplay. But definitely 5-15 minutes will be a good start.

How will we know when it is time to move to intercourse? How can I take the lead? Should it be done through speaking, action, or both? Is there a way to know when he is ready?

Since you are doing it for the first time, he may not know how far you are ready to go but with the way things will progress, I think he will. He will be ready when he has an erection and you will be ready when you feel that you are totally wet. Make sure that you have several condoms available (remember this is your responsibility and do not expect him to have them) because not only you do not want to be pregnant you want to prevent yourself from diseases. And condoms also provide lubrication. I strongly encourage you not to have it without condoms. If he refuses, it is time to tell him that you will never do it till you are ready to become a mom. You can just fool around then and maybe just masturbate each other.

If we want to change can you suggest other positions and give advice on how to switch to these without being awkward?

Just ask him, "Let us try this position," and then move to it. Personally I would suggest that you stick to one position for one session of lovemaking. Only very experienced men can manage to change positions in the middle of the action. And next time you do it, just suggest that you would like to be on top or try rear entry or do it on the floor or the kitchen table or whatever.

How do I tell if he is enjoying it?

Sounds, facial expression, and body movements should indicate if he is enjoying himself. You can always ask him, "Do you like it?"

Should talking be part of the the ? What should be said?

Say what you want. Some women like to be quiet, others make a lot of noise, and a few talk dirty.

How long does the first intercourse experience last?

Like anything else first intercourse is very awkward, even for grownups. But no one lasts as long as movies might make you believe. A few minutes is all it takes.

What can be done after intercourse? What do men like to do after it?

Just lie and down and relax. You will feel tired and very relaxed, so enjoy the moment. So will he.

How do we tell if our love making was good or bad?

How did you feel? Did you like it? Did you feel intense pleasure? You will know how he did. And how he felt? Just ask him.

How can I suggest making love again in the morning?

I think you can have sex 2-3 times that evening before sleeping. After the first time, most couples take a short break and they can start again, but again it all depends on the mood and timing and how sleepy you both are.

How can I suggest making love again in the morning?

Most likely he would want it himself and no suggestion would be needed from you. From all I know, you might have to tell him NO at some point. In any case, the kissing and touching him will be a good sign that you want to make love in the morning.

Natalie writes, "I had asked one of the men at my church about a landscaper to care for the property that I bought; he did not know anyone; yet, when the spring came and I asked again, the man without hesitation mentioned "the man" whom he has known since he joined the church (over 15 years!). I met the landscaper. I fell in love with him after he called me several times and we talked for over an hour - not about landscaping but about each other. He told me that he was not married, his age 44 and that he never wanted to have children and that he is the youngest of of 15 children. I felt a connection. I had no intention of falling in love after my divorce and raising my son but I did fall for this man, even though, I am 55. I never told him my age. People think that I am in my 40's because of my looks and the way that I dress. After a few months, the calls stopped. I do not know if it was because after the man saw my son and did the math, he assumed that I am older that he or if it was because I left a message telling him that I wanted to talk to him about something that was personal. Whatever the reason, I nearly went "off" and I had never, ever felt about any man the way that I felt about him! Every phone ring I thought it was him calling! At the church, I was always looking around for him! I was not until months later (almost a year) when he, finally, called and he told me that he has been seeing a "special lady" for some time. I have had some family and friends praying for me to get over this man because somethings is not right! The man and I never even got to first base before he backed away and "disappeared"! Thankfully, there are no more sleepless nights, no more waiting for the phone to ring, no hopes of any type of relationship with him but I still do love him. My son said that in time he will only be memory and the man was not meant for me. My questions are...why would a man reveal so much of himself if he didn't care about the woman because he told me things about himself that I would not have revealed until later in a true relationship? Why would a man act the way that he did, that is avoiding that phone calls and refusing to address any personal questions that I had? (He did not know what I was going to ask him anyway!) How do I deal with seeing the guy with his "special lady" now that he has started bringing her to the church as I am trying to heal from what could have been. Could the age difference be a factor and he was not man enough to say it? Did my wanting to talk to him scare him off? This whole situation has really sidelined me - for nearly a year! I will not trust my heart ever again. I have been hurt twice and I am determined that there not be a strike three!"

A few things could have happened. One, as you guess, once he guessed your age, he decided that you were too "old" for him. I have heard from hundreds of men and women who love dating someone older or younger but many people just want the traditional a few years difference type of relationship, no matter how much more compatible they might be someone older or younger.

The other possibility is that you simply had a crush on him and he didn't. You liked him but he did not like you as much and after a few phone calls he figured out that you were not really made for each other. In any case, he should have returned your call and told you something, but there is a possibility that he did not think much about you and thought of you just someone that he casually chatted with a few times and moved on. Who knows he was talking to several women at the same time and it is no big deal for him to talk to yet another woman and then forget about it.

Now it seems that he found a woman that he is probably in love with.

To be very honest, unless you haven't told me the whole story, you and he never went on a date and had no relationship to speak of. I mean I might go to a chat room and just chat with someone and share all kinds of stories for a few weeks or months but then the woman would even delete her chat account. I cannot really feel that she and I had a relationship.

Regarding your point that he told you very intimate details, trust me, it is just a personality thing for some people. I have sat next to people on a plane who will tell me more than I ever want to know about someone's personal life. People will share amazing things with you in an anonymous online chat; things that I might not even share to my wife.

In summary, you took the whole thing way too seriously, while for him his chats with you were just casual conversations at one point in time. And maybe he was not man enough to politely tell you that he is not interested in a relationship with you and wish you good luck, but maybe, he just didn't care about the whole thing.

It is in your best interest to think of him the way he thought of it. If you do not want to see him again, it is understandable, and you should try to change your church.

I would still like you to trust your heart and still try to find the man that you want. There are really wonderful men out there who would love to date someone like you. Having said that, as would even a young woman, you will meet all kinds of men along the way, and some will not like you for your age or looks or whatever. They have a right to choose what they want in a woman as you do too. It is best not to take that personally and simply move on to the next one.

Jennifer writes to me, "I am a 27 year old female who is married to a 62 year old man. We have one child who is five years old. The marriage has its ups and downs just like any other relationship. We are not perfect, however, we are happier than most couples that we know. We have been married for about six years, and I hope and pray that I have twenty more years with my husband. We get along great and our child is very energetic and outgoing. She is very talkative and there are many times when people will tell my husband what a cute granddaughter he has. He smiles and politely corrects them, letting them know that he is her daddy not her grandpa. I also feel that older men are much better lovers. They are not selfish and are very patient."

If you are contemplating such a relationship with a huge age gap, go right ahead and enjoy it.

If you are in a relationship with a wide age difference, I would like to hear from you. Or you can simply comment on this page.

Anne writes, "He is 55, I am 22. I can't tell if I love him the person, or I love him because he is a multimillionaire. I don't think it's because of his money,but I am so clear if he has no money, I won't him. I guess,it's kinda because I think he is smart, and smart guy should be rich. Is that enough to make me fall in love with a man older than me by 30 years? I feel lost. Maybe I am just that kind of girl that loves old guys. It's weird."

You are not alone in thinking that. Women are almost always attracted to power and money, which in most cases, as you said, comes from intellect, knowledge, and being smart. Such men are also kind and respect women, but what you have to ask yourself is what is the future of this relationship. Do you simply want to have a good time with him for as long as possible or do you think that you want to marry him some day and live happily ever after? You may have to do some more research to find out what he is looking for. Are you simply a toy for this man or is he in love with you and wants to marry you?

There is another possibility that you have talked about: women who like fatherly figures. Yes, a group of women love and even marry men that remind them of their dads.

In each case, there is nothing wrong with having this relationship; you just have to ask what is it that you want and if you can get it with this man.

Samantha writes, "My boyfriend and I are into each other and have been dating for a while. We both have said that we want to make love and want it to be special. We have talked about it and decided that it should be with someone special. We both consider the other special enough for it. For his birthday I would like to give him the gift of ME. I think it will be a gift that I am likely to enjoy. What advice do you have about this birthday gift? Is the bed the best location for first time sex? How much time should we allow? Should we plan on from bedtime to morning? I want it to be a surprise for him. What advice do you have for making it a surprise? Would there be a way of letting him know about his gift without saying what I have planed for him? Do you have some advice for starting out? Do you have some advice for knowing when he is ready for intercourse? What position is the best for first time? Could we use more than one?"

Well, it is great that you both have waited a long time to have sex. That means that your relationship is solid and is based on something deeper rather than just casual attraction.

Regarding your idea of offering yourself as a gift for his birthday is awesome. I think he will appreciate it and hopefully it will be a sweet memory for you too.

There is no rule that the bed is the best place for sex of any type. In my opinion wherever a couple is in the mood, they can have a great time, provided it is comfortable for both of them. Obviously, a bed is always comfortable and after sex the couple can just lie cuddling and even go to sleep (not the case if you do it in a car or the kitchen).

Regarding time needed, I would suggest that schedule as much as possible, and if you get the whole night that is great, because you can then have lots of foreplay, sex, and then chat after sex before going to sleep.

And it is a great idea to keep it as a surprise. My recommendation would be not give him any hints at all. I think he expects a gift and if he knows nothing the surprise will be the greatest.

The best way to start out will be to buy some lingerie that looks likes ribbons. I remember one woman who wrote to me. She simply tied herself in silk ribbon covering her breasts and pubic area. Then he brought her boyfriend to her bedroom, put him to sit down on the edge of the bed, unzipped her dress to let it drop to the floor. Then she invited him to open the gift. He knew exactly what that meant. They had a memorable birthday celebration. You could try something along those lines.

Remember that a man is generally ready before a woman but he will most likely tell you (directly or indirectly) that he wants to be inside you. A good erection is a positive sign that he is ready to penetrate. And I would suggest not to wait too long.

Regarding the best position, each couple has their own preferences that they discover over time. My wife loves the missionary position but my favorite is her on top. So pick one and try another one till you find ones that work for both of you. There are so many ways that you can achieve orgasm each one pleases both partners in different ways.

Let me know if you need more help in planning it, and obviously, it will be great if you write back with details on how it turned out. I like to know if my advice was helpful.

Tiffany writes, "I am what some may describe as a busty woman. I have been divorced for about four months. Lately I have been getting closer and spending more time with a younger man. I enjoy him. I have suspected that he wants to become more intimate. I am guessing that he may want to make love to me. I am thinking about whether it would be appropriate or not to have it him. He is a nice man and I like the attention from him. It may be too close to my divorce to consider being so close to someone. Also being on the busty side I don’t want him to become turned off if and when he sees me without clothes. I have talked to several of my women friends about him. One said not to worry about him becoming turned off and that there maybe a possibility that he wants to love all of me. She said that if that is the case what would be wrong with it. Another lady friend of mine said that we are both single and that our age difference should not be an issue in us having physical intimacy. She also said that if a younger man finds you attractive and wants to do it what is wrong with that. She also said that I may enjoy lovemaking again and may like the experience of having it with a younger man. Is there any truth in these statements? Are there common reason that younger men want older women? If he wants to love me and he uses the physical expression of sex to do that it may be OK. I don’t want to just be a tool in which he uses me to have an experience with an older woman. How can I know of his intentions? If and when I consider sleeping with him what things should be part of our relationship? What things should we do/have done before considering going to bed? Sex may be a wonderful way to express one's feelings, one's love, one's commitment. How can I be sure that our lovemaking will have these elements? How can I be sure of his commitment before as well as after we do it? We don’t want to have a baby but what are some things that we each could gain by? If we do it, how can I be sure that he will like my body ? As a woman with big breasts, what can I do to make the experience good for him? As a curvaceous woman, what positions work best?"

It is understandable why a man that likes you and you like him wants to make love to you. He is obviously attracted to you and feels sexual attraction towards you. I am not convinced that a woman has to wait a certain period of time before having sex after divorce. If the opportunity is right, you are free to make love to anyone you like.

Now unless you have been covering yourself in bedsheets all this time, this guy should have a fairly good idea of how you look. In other words, he likes you the way you are and I very much doubt if he will be turned off. Any man with a functioning brain knows how women look at different ages and there should be nothing surprising there. Most likely he really likes your body. It is wrong to think all men like only skinny girls. Men are attracted to all kinds of women, and the most important thing is that emotional connection. Once that happens looks are really secondary.

I also think that your girlfriends are right in everything they say. The age difference should not be an issue if you are otherwise a good couple. If he likes you and you like him, you will enjoy making love to him. Who knows he might turn out to be a better lover when you can take the role of the more experienced partner and let him take some tips from you.

I think there are some men who have a fetish for a mature woman and are fascinated by the idea of having sex with someone who has lots of experience. She can teach him, a mature woman can be more patient, and often even be better lover than him. A woman of same age can be impatient and not always appreciative of her lover's performance. In rare cases, a man might see his mother in his lover, which is kind of very complex Freudian analysis of such relationships.

I think if you are not sure that this man wants a serious relationship -- and time will tell that -- then I totally understand why it does not make sense to make love to him right away. It is something to discuss with him honestly and frankly that what he is looking for and do you both see a meaningful future for your relationship.

I guess regardless of the age difference you have to do the things that any woman has to do in a relationship. Learn more about him and his plans for the relationship with you. What does he want? Is it what you want too? Are you just hanging out or is there a future here? There is no good answer to when you should have sex. Some women will have it on the third date while others wait till they are married. It all depends on the relationship. If you emotionally and physically want it, then you know you are ready.

To me sex is a celebration of a couple's love for each other. We all have sexual needs and when he is investing all this time into the relationship, obviously, sex is his way of telling you that he wants you all, not just chats and movies.

Now I don't know how you look and how you look without clothes, but most likely he will like you the way you are. Don't get too bogged down with it because that will only make you too self-conscious. In any case, since we all have not-so-attractive parts in our bodies, my advice to women is to show off what is great and hide what is not so great. While I don't know this but if you have a big bust but not so great legs, well then show off your chest in a beautiful bra but wear a longer skirt like sleepwear to hide the legs. You get the idea.

I am yet to meet a man who does not like a woman's breast, so use your breasts effectively, even as a sex organ, I can add. I am yet to meet a man who disliked his body, particularly his sex organs, massaged by breasts. Regarding sex positions, just go with the flow; I do not think breast size makes a big difference as long as your breasts are right in front of him and he can either look at them or touch them or kiss/suck them while making love.

Sita writes, "Is it true that generally Japanese boys tend to dislike British-Asians [British born and parents from a South-Asian country]. I know every boy is different but in general. Would they even date Brit-Asians? Because my friend also told me that they're only interested in Caucasian people and would only date them."

In my numerous conversations with Japanese people they do have some reluctance to date South Asians and other dark skinned people but not all people are alike. I have actually known people (not British) from India/Pakistani/Bangladesh date and marry Japanese.

So if you are otherwise interesting give it a shot. I know a lot of them travel to Britain and some even study English there. Start to find out how you can sort of give some English lessons to them and get to know the group (they stay in groups actually) and the next thing you know you might even find a boy that likes you.

Stay in touch and let me know how things turn out and what help you need.

Noah writes, "I have a good relationship with an attractive older woman. She is 19 years older than I am. We enjoy deep conversations. I want our relationship to become closer. I want to make love to her and find it appropriate for us to do it. She has not said that she does not want it in our relationship but she seems uncertain. She seems hesitant about our age difference. She has said that if we were closer in age things would be different. She said that she lost her virginity the same year I was born. She has not said that she would not enjoy it together. How can I encourage her to think differently about age differences in regards to being physically intimate? Might there be other reasons why she seems uncertain about physical intimacy? Is it common despite age difference in a relationship for the man to want intimacy and find it appropriate and a woman to seem hesitant about it in the relationship?"

I think at this time she is probably also uncertain about your relationship and is afraid that being physically intimate with you will only complicate the situation for both of you.

There can be other reasons for her reluctance. As women get older, they suffer from menopause and many women suffer from lower libido. Vaginal dryness is also common, making it somewhat less pleasurable to make love. She could also be suffering from depression or taking medication that could lower desire.

As women get older, and particularly if they have had children, they also see sagging of breasts, accumulation of fat in many areas, and cellulite, making them feel somewhat less attractive and doubt if a younger man more used to seeing younger women would find them attractive.

If I were you and was completely confident that I wanted to have a serious relationship with her (and not just casual sex) I would not push her into sex at this point. I would much rather spend my time building the relationship and gaining her trust that it is neither about lust nor a short-term fling or a young man's fetish for a mature woman. Do you have the desire and the patience to do this? If so you will be rewarded big time in the end with all her love and passion.

Living together before marriage is the norm in the developed world and is the right thing to do if you want to lower the probability of divorce rate that is currently running at 50%. But that does not go so well with the religious terrorists at the Grace Community Church in Jacksonville, Florida who have threatened to make public whatever she told her pastors during confidential discussions with them about her relationship.

Rebecca Hancock is a devoted Christian but the extremists at her church want to tell everyone that she has a sexually active relationship with her boyfriend.

A nasty letter from the church says that "...you leave us with no other choice but to carry out the commands of the Lord Jesus Christ" … "In accordance with Matthew 18:17 we intend to 'tell it to the church.'"

I guess the message here is that you have to either stay away from church and establish a personal relationship with God or find a church that will protect your privacy. Yes, like an attorney, the church will honor priest-member discussions as confidential and never to be made public.

Rod writes, "I'm a a shy guy, 35 years old. I have not met many women because I am shy. I met a woman on an Internet dating website, and she wants me to call her after I only sent her three emails. She knows that I am shy. What can I do to feel more comfortable, so I can talk with her?"

Well, congratulations. It seems that you are definitely making progress. The good news is that she knows that you are a shy guy and so she will understand. The most difficult thing for a shy person is to carry on a conversation on the telephone.

The secret to that is to write down a few questions that you can ask her so that the conversation keeps going. For example, I am sure that you want to know more about her hobbies or a specific hobby. For instance, if she says that she likes movies, you can ask her what type of movies. And if she says comedies, you can ask about her favorite movies and if you have seen any one of them you can discuss those scenes. Or you can simply ask her to share her favorite parts from a movie in case you have not seen any one of them. This is just an example. You can apply the same to anything: travel, cooking, books, etc.

The other trick is that you also want to ask followup questions when she asks you something. It does not have to be the same question because that is not going to be fun. But let us say she wants to know your hobbies, you don't have to ask her hobbies, but you can ask if she has ever gone scuba diving (or whatever you like to do). That is a great way to talk about your passion and find out if she would like to do something together with you next time.

And finally, take a deep breath and not get stressed out. I mean after all it is just a girl on the other end who might be nervous as well. A person just like you and I. It is not rocket science talking to someone on the phone. It is like calling an airline or a bank to get something done. So relax and have fun talking to her. I think everything will go fine, but even if it does not, she will understand because she is not just testing your phone skills; she likes a lot other things about you and that is why she has taken the next step.

Good luck and let me know how it turns out.

Michelle writes, "I met a young man 15 years my junior about 5 years ago. We started out as friends and began seeing each other more; no commitments to one another, just that when we are together, we are together and we respect each others space. He would come to my home anytime he wanted and I to his but by choice I didn't go that often. He asked me a couple times how I felt about him; all I would say is I care a lot for him and he would say nothing but I suppose because I never asked. He would tell me many times how much he appreciates me, then a couple of months ago I told him I was moving away and then he would tell me that he loved me. He is moving closer to me in the next couple of months but not soon enough for me. I really love him and I believe in my heart that he too loves me the same way. Am I crazy?"

First of all, you are not the most unusual case that I have come across. I have heard from women who are in relationships with men who are young enough to be their grandchildren.

Trust me; yes women who are in healthy relationships with men that are 30 years younger than them.

My position on such relationships is based on a simple fact of life: our intellectual age has little to do with our chronological age. Have you ever met a 50 year old who has the same intelligence of a 12-year old? I have. There are a lot of morons out there, often even holding responsible positions everywhere. I also know recent college graduates who have the depth of grandpa and can blow your mind with their intellectual depth and knowledge. In other words, that is what you are experiencing. You like someone because he is intellectually and emotionally compatible with you, regardless of his age.

My suggestion to all such women is that they should take the plunge because they will some day regret that they rejected a man for merely his age when in reality it does not matter.

So will some people raise eyebrows looking at you two together?

Well, many will if he liked pink shirts or had facial hair or had a tattoo on his butt or wore Speedo to the beach. So I would say that for once tell him how you feel without holding back. Who knows that you two might end up having a relationship of a lifetime.

So go ahead and do it and let me know how it turns out.

Rachel writes, "I've been with my man for almost 4 years and one year out of the four we have lived together. When we moved in together we went through a lot of rough patches, then we resolved them, but now that I'm a manager of my own department at my job he has been real picky about the time I spend at work and then with him. He is gone most of the day and I don't get to see him, but now when I get a chance to spend time with him he doesn't want to leave the house until later at night claiming that he has spent enough time with me and now it's time for his friends. I don't pick on him for staying at home; I just don't want him to be ashamed of me. Is it me?"

The way I see it is that a man who spends time with his friends without his partner is ignoring her. I think there is time for guys to hang out together occasionally or to do things that might not interest some women, like going ice fishing or playing certain sports, but in general, any man in a committed relationship should try to include his partner in almost everything.

That is how I do it and I always encourage my guy friends to bring their partners or even friends (if they are single) so that my wife does not feel excluded. For example, even when I go out with my buddies to do things that my wife has no interest in, once a bunch of spouses get together they can always go shopping in the area but then join us for a meal.

Mandy writes, "I met this guy and we hit it off great. We spend time together, we've met each others families, we are the same age, and we have so much in common. My problem is now that the newness has worn off he has gotten too comfortable and the sex has slowed down. I want to keep things fresh and try something new. He seems little shy when it comes to this kind of stuff. How do I get him to open up more to me? I feel we could really have a great future together if he would let me in. Help. What do I do?"

It is almost always the case that sex does go down in any relationship once the newness is gone and a couple starts to spend more time together. Having said that, a couple can also experience a surge once they become really comfortable with each other and want to please each other even more because they are truly in love.

In your situation, with his being a bit shy and the excitement subsiding, I would say that you should be in control of sex from now on. Be the one to plan and initiate it and I am sure that he will go for the ride. Try different things and then ask him for for specific (not generic like "how was it?" but more specific "what did you think of this specific angle of penetration?") feedback.

And finally always put intimacy on the calendar the way you would put meals or grocery shopping or laundry or vacations. That way he would understand that you will have sex X times a week and the way you change your menu or outfits regularly, you will change your sexual adventures.

Trust me; a man is like a dog that needs training and once it knows that it has to get the newspaper for you every morning from the front yard, it will do it and then wag its tale to tell you how pleased it is to do it for you.

Maggie writes, "My ex and I broke up about 4 months ago; he is with someone else. I really miss him and I still love him. I am with someone else. I asked my ex if was he happy and he said I am straight. What does that mean? Anyways he comes over to my house at least once a week. I don't know if he is faithful to her or what. I have spoken to his current girlfriend and she is really nice. I don't know what his intentions are. To me if he was faithful to her he would not be at my house; right? But I don't know. I need advice."

A lot of people have a hard time moving on after a breakup, especially if the relationship lasted a long time. They often compare their new partner with the old one and realize what was good in the previous partner and wonder if breaking up was a good idea or should they get back together. So by visiting you, he is trying to make sure that you do not forget him. He might even be waiting for an opportunity to talk to you about getting back together.

I also get the impression that you feel the same way about him. If that is so, you should discuss the possibility of working on the problems that led to the breakup and see if you can get back together. If that is not so, then, you must ask him to stop visiting you because your new boyfriend will not like it and it will make it harder for you too to move on as well.

Carmen writes, "I have been dating a guy for two years. We have a long distance relationship. Today I am a better person because of him. He is someone when you are around him you want to be better. He pushed me to attain the potential that I thought was out of reach for me. I am more confident and more comfortable in my skin. Once a month he will come to see me or he will send for me. Six months ago he broke up with me. Now he is back in my life. He never talks about moving closer to me or me moving closer to him. He seems to be very content with his life. His job requires a lot of traveling. He is gone from six months to a year at time. I need my men closer to me. I can't do the long distance relationship anymore. How do I approach this issue? I wonder why he never talks about moving. Is it because he doesn't want to commit to me or is it the fact that he knows that he is never home due to his job. As much that I love him, I am tired of not having him near me. It is very lonely at times. Help me."

From his behavior it is very clear that he is not interested in a real relationship with you. For all we know, he could have another girl (or girls or even a wife) some place else because of his lifestyle in which you don't see him for months. If he were interested in a relationship that most of us have then he would have already suggested that either you move closer to him or that you travel with him. And since you have never really pushed for it, he has assumed that the arrangement is working fine for you too. There is a strong possibility that he is also not interested in a relationship that requires any kind of commitment from him because that would require him to worry about you and give you his time.

The best thing to do is to discuss this issue with him next time you see him. If he is not interested in being closer to you more often (yes, even people that travel a lot have wives or figure out a way to spend more time with them) you would know for sure that you better look for someone who is in your area.

Lauren writes, "What does it mean when a guy you thought you knew real well (thinking he was a genuine person), was pretty sure he really liked you (and then started to like him back), and you knew for over a year and a half, that you have feelings for him, and his response is: "Well first of all, you don't know me at all. You do not know me well enough to say that and that if you knew me for who I really was, I know you would not be saying or feeling that at all." And then tells you that he still wants to keep in touch, does not want anything to change because it's not a big deal and still hopes we can be "cool" about everything?"

I think what this person is saying that he is not what you think. For instance, in an extreme case, he may not even be single, but most likely, he may not be from the social class that you think he is from, or have the education/job/income that you think he does, or have other secrets that you may not know.

It does not mean that he told you any lies; a lot of time we just don't know enough about people even after a long time, though, no one told any lies. For example, I might meet a woman who constantly talks about wines and I might conclude that she must be a fine woman to have such a serious passion for wines, but she could be just a college dropout with a simple job in the mall but has simply indulged her passion for wines for years. She might make little money, live in a humble place, be a great person but if I start to allude to her high-class status, she can correct me by saying that I don't know enough about her.

I think this man has essentially told you that he is not interested in a romantic relationship with you but appreciates your acquaintance or friendship.

Laura writes, "I am a fairly attractive girl and attract quite a few men but I always seem to choose the wrong one and can't even seem to keep the bad one. Why?"

I think the good news is that you are attractive to men so if you can attract these men you can possibly attract the right kind of men.

When I was in college, I had a good friend, a wonderful girl and not only was she a bright student she was also a great companion (we were just friends and not dating). However, she always attracted wrong guys like you because there was a big disconnect between her preference for looks versus their economic status.

So she would fall in love immediately with a guy with long hair or piercings or leather pants or solid muscles or romantic attitude or great taste in techno music but then it turned out that most guys with great jobs as lawyers or bankers or professionals are not like this in appearance or tastes. So she would have a great time with them briefly but then they were really not the type who wanted a long term relationship with a professional woman like her.

Is it possible that you are also looking for what things that are not in harmony with who you are and what kind of man would like a long term relationship with you? Yeah occasionally people will have very unusual relationships but in most cases people find good, solid relationships with people that are more like them in most ways.

Kristin writes, "I'm only shy when it comes to making love. What I am trying to say is that professionally or in public settings, I am not shy. But I never initiate sex and I don't engage in it. Like, I don't make noise and I rarely kiss my husband during sex. I'm crying as I type because I know I have a serious problem and I know I'm frustrating my husband and eventually will hurt my marriage. I want to be freaky and enjoy my husband but I don't. Before my marriage, I was the same way with guys especially because I knew that it wasn't a commitment. Now that I'm committed, it's now hurting me. Not sure if it stems from me not seeing my father show affection with my mother or what, but I would think that I would better be good at this. When we do have sex now it just 'wham bam thank you Ma'm." He's frustrated, I know. That's why I'm having this problem. I also feel now that if I try to change he isn't gonna appreciate it. Just yesterday we talked and he told me that I don't excite him anymore. I need help."

I am so sorry to hear that you were crying while writing this and when you wrote above that "Just yesterday we talked and he told me that I don't excite him anymore" your problem is serious enough. Generally that is a very strong sign that a man is frustrated and is either likely to cheat or stop loving you or even ask for a divorce. And trust me, as a man I can tell you that love is important but sex is definitely #1 for any man.

And I think your current behavior it may have little do with your upbringing. My father died when I was a little boy and my mother did not have a relationship after that but I grew up to be a normal man with healthy sexual appetite.

The good news is that the way you can learn to drive a car or cook a new dish or learn to speak Chinese, you can learn how to enjoy sex too. Like anything else, all it requires is an inquisitive mind, patience, and hard work.

Now do not expect to become a sex goddess overnight but the way you have learned everything else in life, you can learn how to do this too well by taking one step at a time.

Courtney writes, "I'm realizing that I'm not ready to commit until I've developed a solid friendship with a man. But even though I'm being smart about dating, I guess I'm a little worried about my chances. My standards are high and I'm not going to settle, and with that realization, I'm wondering...does that man exist?"

You appear to be a strong woman and need a man who can appreciate your strengths. I know it is hard to find that perfect partner but I am a big optimist. Obviously, I am guessing that you realize that you will need to make some compromises but it still makes sense to stay firm on others that are absolutely critical to you.

I tell my readers to actually write down what is non-negotiable (e.g. education or intellect or accepting your child, etc.) and what are they willing to compromise on (e.g. height, weight, looks, etc.).

So with that being said, you will find someone that is pretty close to what you are looking for. It is only when we write things down and think about them do we realize that what seemed like a MUST (e.g. degree from Harvard) might appear inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.

Janice writes, "My boyfriend and I dated for 3 months. He was showing all the classic signs of falling in love, doting on me, speaking about how I was the one and he was nervous as hell. His friends all praising him for finding this great girl, his friends saying "take care of my man... he's really into you and he deserves a good woman." I was loving it. He was great to me but I wasn't ready to commit until we had a longer friendship. Then I did something to assist the father of my child and he took it as a sign that I wasn't over my ex. I am over him but I believe in helping others as long as you are not depleting your own life. So he pulled away and started dating other women. Then a few months later, he had a near death incident (he's an offshore diver) and the first thing he did was come to me and wanted nothing than to lay on my sofa and talk about life, love and how "I was the perfect woman." We kicked it for another month. Things were looking good again and then... whoosh! He disappeared again. Now in the time span of all of this, I became aware of his uptight nature and lack of passion for life and felt that was a fundamental flaw. I probably would not be happy with a man who perpetuated those traits. However, since his last disappearing act I can't stop thinking about him! There were a lot of things we were compatible on and I wanted to learn more about him. I wanted to develop a friendship and be sure that I was not judging him too quickly but now that opportunity to learn him has been removed. I guess in a way I wanted to know if it was that error I made in helping my child's father out that caused this rift for what was starting off as such a great friendship and potential relationship later or if I just wasn't really his type? So why am I still thinking about him? Am I still interested in this dude or is it something else? Or do I just miss the attention I was getting?"

It appears to me that he appreciates you as a person and partner but is not ready to commit to something more serious. This could happen for several reasons:

1. The child and the fact that you are inextricably tied to your ex, though, he should have known that all along, but still men sometimes get scared about such responsibilities as things become serious.
2. He has tried other women and realized that there are other options for him but none of them has worked out for him. So he thinks that there is a possibility of a perfect woman but it has not happened yet.
3. He is just not the type who can commit to anything, is very self-centered, and has a tendency to use people when he needs them (the way he did when he needed you after a personal tragedy).

I do not think that it was wrong for you to help your ex (after all it was an act of kindness and you are tied to him forever due to a child). And I am starting to think that the problem is not you but HIM. What kind of a man just disappears when he thinks that he has found the ONE?

I guess the reason that you are still thinking about him is that there are parts of his personality that you love and the fact that he has also drawn away from you leaving you confused and wanting him.

With what you have told me, if you were to find another good man, you will forget him soon. Right now you are lonely and that is all you had so you think about him all the time. It was a rather brief relationship and it should not hurt you in the long run.

So unless you want to wait for this confused man forever, the best thing is to move on beyond him. I am sure that there is another man out there who will give you the love and attention that you deserve.

Simon writes, "I am about to start dating a Japanese woman, and well I have to say I have a healthy libido so to speak. One of the reasons I am writing to you is I don't want to frighten off the lady when it comes to the physical aspect of the relationship. She is slightly older than I am. I would say I am quite a dominant person but can play the other role if needed. The main thing is I again don't want to scare her off and I want to attend to her needs as well. I know there is a bit of a cultural difference, I know how to speak the language so I can respond in that way but any other advice would be helpful. There's just that little bit of fear with the unknown there for me."

I think your fears are well founded but what I am realizing is that you might have these issues with any woman, not just a Japanese.

My experience with Japanese women and the discussions I have had with hundreds of men over the years on this topic tell me that Japanese women try very hard to please and will do things that other women might say no to. So there is a possibility that you might not even realize when you are pushing her too hard.

So I would say that you should start slowly and take one step at a time. I don't think you want to do everything in your head the very first time unless she strongly signals to you that that is what she also wants. Making love has to a process in which both partners learn more about each other little by little.

Lucy writes, "I have trouble sexually expressing myself. I am very shy and I am not affectionate. I hardly do anything in bed and now it's to the point that my husband just has sex to satisfy himself. Please help."

A lot of people do not realize it, but our society teaches us everything all the way from Math to language to driving to using a fork and knife, but no one sits down with you to teach you to how to make love, one of the most important reasons for our very existence.

On the contrary, many parents and religious leaders do not tire of telling us that sex is bad, sinful, and why not to do it. While many of us pick it up through trial and error or by watching others do it, many just don't have the means to learn it from books and videos.

In other words, it is OK not to know what you don't and it isn't your fault. What is important is that you have recognized what you don't know and it is great that you want to do something to fix the situation.

I know you have written very little and the subject is too complex to respond based on what you have written (I advise you to write in detail about what you know, what you don't, and how is your intimate life right now), but I will give you some initial advice.

How to sexually express yourself?

Before you can express yourself, you have to know yourself and your body. To know yourself, think of what turns you on. You can know this by thinking about your feelings while watching television, the type of movies that turned you on, or the pictures that make you full of desire. Some women get turned on by muscular men, others like cute, playful men, while others may want something entirely different. Try to know what you like because that will help you create the right setting for making love.

How to conquer shyness?

It is a slow process but it can be done. Try to open up to your close family members and friends. You can even join websites and forums and share yourself anonymously. It will make your shyness go away over a period of time. Shyness is merely our fear of expressing ourselves; once we get the self confidence, we can also be more natural in front of others.

How to be affectionate?

I think everyone is affectionate; I have read that even criminals are affectionate towards their loved ones. What you are lacking right now is the ability to show affection due to your being shy and having trouble expressing yourself. As you become more confident about your needs, you will also feel more confident being affectionate.

How to be active in bed?

Without knowing much, I am guessing that you simply lie down and let your partner do all the work. I think a good starting point to get active is to do more of what feels good. For example, if a particularly position or angle gives you more pleasure, make sure that you position your body the right way to enjoy this longer.

Also don't hesitate to do whatever else you feel like doing. As an example, if kissing is your thing, then kiss your husband while you make love. Eventually, I would like you to reach a point that you will tell your husband what to do and how to do it to please you.

That is why I would suggest that you also explore your body. It is wrong to think that all women are the same and there is only one way for women to feel pleasure. Many women do not orgasm during intercourse but will orgasm through kissing. Others enjoy cuddling while some like aggressive sex or even roleplay. So learn more about your body by looking at it and touching it in every possible way to find out what pleases you.

As I said previously, I love to receive emails from my readers or read comments (you can easily comment below without even disclosing your real name or email address).

That is why I want to reproduce an email I got from Sue that demonstrates how a mature woman younger man marriage can be successful like any other marriage and if there are any problems in their marriage, it is not due to their age gap, but are just the problems that all couples face.

"I am 43 years old and have been married to a man 12 years my junior for the past 10 years. We have a beautiful child. It has been a typical marriage with its ups and downs. We have great sex and and he accepts that I am more experienced, so he listens to me. At first it was a bit tough, even at my job they would make remarks behind my back. He has been great all the time and introduces me to all his friends and co-workers. He tells me that he loves me everyday."

Liz writes, "Could you please tell me the signs guys give out when they like girls. Not the obvious body language signs; more in depth would be helpful."

Apart from the body language, the other two signs come from behavior and dialog.

What I mean by behavior is the fact that when a man meets a woman or gets an opportunity to spend time with her, he wants to spend even more time with her. So if the two are at a party he will spend more time talking to her than anyone else and sort of consider her as his partner during that time. If they are on a date, he will do the same. He will also keep talking in the future tense about the two being together, hinting that he wants to be with her in the future.

As far as dialog is concerned, a man seriously interested in a woman, will talk about getting together again or helping a woman with something or do things for her. He will also talk only to her or about her or talk in a way that pleases her.

Nick writes, "I want to date a cougar, what do I have to do to get a mature woman?"

For those of you who are wondering if Nick likes dating animals, a cougar or a sugar mama is a word used to describe a lady who likes younger men. Think Demi Moore.

I always like to tell my readers that a hunter should go where the prey is. If you want to fish, you don't go to the mall, you go the sea or a lake.

So if you are interested in dating cougars, you have to explore places where mature women might hang out. So if you have a job in the mall, you do not want to work at Abercombie & Fitch but working at Talbots or Chico's or Macy's is worth it. You get the idea.

How to identify who could be a cougar?

A cougar typically takes good care of herself and dresses trendier. She will dress more like someone who is 10-15 years younger than her. I have seen that many of them are in much better physical shape than their peers, though, this is not universal (considering how fat people are these days in general). She also is more aware of what is popular among young people and rarely talks about issues that interest women of their age (so you really wouldn't have to learn about parenting or retirement savings).

In addition, once you find your prey, treat her like you would someone your age, so that the age difference does not come as an issue between the two of you. You will need to woo her the way you would woo a girl your age.

And finally, never dwell on the age issue even if she does. Tell her that it is the person you care for rather than the age. Then, immediately change the topic.

Margaret writes, "What or is there a danger in masturbating to the point of losing the desires for another or not being able to have an intimate relationship with someone else?"

All scientific evidence indicates that masturbation is good for health both physically and emotionally, though, I am assuming that you are not doing it excessively (say, dozens of times daily, in which case you can get seriously ill or even die). Actually, many couples in perfectly healthy relationship engage in some form of self pleasure. It is a great way to please oneself or the other or both at the same time. Many couples find that it enhances their sex life because it helps them understand each other's bodies better.

When my partner is pleasing me, I enjoy it because at that time she is focused on me and I can focus on my own pleasure rather than worrying pleasing her, as I tend to do during lovemaking. Having said that, I still adore penetration, which gives me even more pleasure.

If you feel that you are having difficulty connecting with men emotionally or otherwise, it may have nothing to do with your desire for self pleasure more often; you may simply be shy or introverted, for example.

Courtney writes, "I met someone for the first time. I have never had anyone make me feel this way and there was no intercourse involved. I feel that he felt the same way about me too. What do I do? He is a Hollywood celebrity. He has my number and I have his. I want him so bad."

If he felt the same way (as you tell me) and if he has your number, you should just wait for him to call you back. That would be the right thing for a gentleman to do.

Having said that, do not keep your hopes too high. Depending on how big a celebrity he is (and I am assuming that you are not a celebrity yet), girls probably come on to him all the time and he might not remember much about them later on.

But remember that George Clooney dated a waitress and Leonard DiCaprio married a bartender. In other words, celebs date and marry non-celebs all the time.

In any case, if you still want to give it a shot, wait for a week or so. Research about an activity that might interest him (based on what you know about him) -- it could be an art exhibition or restaurant or movie -- and give him a call to say that you plan to go and were wondering if he had some time to hang out with you.

If he completely ignores you or does not even remember meeting you, then it means that he was yet another Hollywood star who takes dating rather casually.

Carmen writes, "How does a woman know when to let go and when to hold on in love? I have realized I am not in the greatest situation with my love. A long time ago I left him because he is extremely promiscuous and he speaks to women constantly behind my back, although (so he says and to my knowledge) he has not bedded anyone. My ex and I are back together now after a rough breakup with a beautiful little baby girl on the way and it seems as if he's reverting back to his old ways but a little worse. I found nasty emails and questionable cell phone conversations and he's constantly gone at night. What do I do? How do I approach the situation maturely because he doesn't know I know these things yet but I don't want to go through the same situation again. We're supposed to be getting married in six months and I don't want to get rid of my child's father before she actually gets here; I would feel so guilty."

There could be two problems with your relationship. Your boyfriend is genetically wired to have relationships with multiple women at one time. Some men feel this need and they define their success in life by the number of women they can connect with even if it is merely chatting or flirting.

The second issue could be that there is something big missing in your relationship with him and he tries to find it in other women (do you have any clue what could it be? It must be something that he talks about a lot and you might not have it or have refused it. Sometimes friends and family members can also give some hints).

I know a lot of women who marry a man or just hang on to him in the hope that somehow the man will change after the marriage or after becoming a father (and some do) but it is a huge risk to take. I think you do not want to babysit him by monitoring his email or cell phone conversations; not only it is inappropriate, it is impossible to stop an adult from still doing what she or he is hell bent on doing.

A more appropriate approach would be to go to therapy together as a couple so that all your concerns can be aired calmly and he can also say what is going on in his head. If these issues can be resolved before the wedding that would be great but if you are not convinced that he has fundamentally changed, I guess a good idea would be to cancel the wedding. Yes, I feel bad that a child is going to be born without a father at home but it will be good for you and the child that you can both move on and not have to worry who your husband is chatting up with each night. Hopefully, it will also free you up to find another man who will be committed to you alone and will love your daughter.

My boyfriend does not spend time with me

Melody writes, "I met a guy about a year and a half ago, and we started dating a few months later. We have a great time when we're together, but I have to force him to spend time with me. His usual routine is to get up in the morning and within the hour he's on his way out the door. As a woman I feel like I need more than that from someone who says he loves me. He's gone all day, and he comes home with just enough time to maybe eat, then he falls asleep. He refuses to give up his apartment, no one understands why. I've got a friend who stays across the street from his place, and she and her man say that they've never seen anyone else with him over there, so I don't really suspect cheating. I tried talking to him many times, but he acts like the problem will just go away. I finally lost it the other night. He left the house with an attitude because I was not in the bed with him. I was sleeping on the couch because I was uncomfortable. I texted him and told him he forgot his things that he could take them to wherever he spends all his time. He reluctantly left. I love him, but I can be by myself whenever I want. Why should I claim having a man if he's never around?"

It is clear that you two are totally incompatible. You are warm and emotional, warm person that likes to spend quality time with your lover, but based on his behavior with you, it is obvious that he is not that type at all. As you are finding out, it is not that he is cheating or that another woman is on his mind; many men are simply not so much into hugging, cuddling, kissing, or going shopping with their girl. In other words, he is a cold man who lives in his own world where there is not a lot of place for a woman to live.

Melody, he is not the man for you and if you are with him, you will always be waiting for his attention while he will simply believe that you are just another object in his life. It is good that he is gone so now you can move on and find someone more like you.