A cougar writes, "A 23 year old saw me in a local mall and managed to find me on a dating website. He pursued me
consistently and finally I agreed to meet him. He is a man at this young age which is not always the case. He has goals and is achieving them. He is a good listener and a caring person and has in a short time touched me deeply. We met a few times, and the relationship came to a point where I had to make a decision to take a big step forward or to end it. I did not make love with him as I bond very deeply and do not want to take that risk. We had talked about friendship but I doubt that is possible considering the feelings we have for one another - certainly not now. My choice is to end it - mainly, but not entirely - due to my anticipation of the reactions of my family. I love my children fiercely, and a continuing relationship with him (he is about 40 years younger than me) would affect them/us greatly and negatively. This is another aspect of relationships with large age differences. He does not understand my reasons entirely - which is to be expected. I am hurting more than I expected from the breakup. I do not know if it is over yet. I am surprised how deeply he has touched me - met some very basic needs - in the short time I have known him. Young men continue to be attracted to me and some ask me to be their partner - more on a sexual basis - but not entirely. One of the reasons - given to me by the latest young man to contact me - is that the presumed wealth of my sexual experience is exciting to him. We have chatted a bit and I like him - we certainly are compatible. I am a little more cautious now after the experience with this man."

How to decide if you are ready to date younger guys?

I think that the time may have come for you sit down and decide what do you want from a relationship. Is it some spiritual satisfaction that you want, and if so, where are you willing to compromise on? If not on age, then, don't waste your time on these younger men. However, if you want to find a good man, then, age is merely a number, as they say. Go for it and have fun. I like to believe that no matter how hard you try you will never be able to make everyone happy. That is why as long as you follow some ethics, it is OK to just worry about yourself rather than the world. That is why if this young man is offering you what a man has not offered in a very long time, he deserves a chance.

Megan writes, "I met this guy about one month ago. He came in to deliver a package (Fedex). He started having conversation with me. He seemed pretty cool and because I just got out of a little fling with a guy that was 11 years older than me, well, I decided that I should start getting out meeting people and here he comes along. Anyway I was telling him about my birthday and he asked, "How old will you be? 34?" I said, "No; I will be 43," and he said, "You look so young." I have been told that by men and women. Looking at him with all the facial hair I assumed that he was about 36 and I said well it's nothing wrong with dating someone or having a friendship with someone that is just 7 years younger. I was wrong. He is only 26. I was like I have been around the corner and back and you are just trying to turn the corner. He said that age is just a number. Well, I decided to let him take me out to dinner and it was okay. He then took me to the game room, which I'm not into games, but I enjoyed the tennis match. He does have an old mindset. He listens to old love and sad songs, which really surprised me. I just knew he was going to have rap on. Anyway the age thing is getting to me. Sometimes I think he just wanted to hook up with an older woman to see what it feels like. It's something about him I don't trust, but can't put my finger on it. Oh, and besides I'm 16 years older. Well, to make a long story short he comes up here un-announced and he doesn't even have a package for me. I'm trying to find a way to tell him don't do that. The last time he said I hurt his feelings. All I said was I used to be a player and I know one when I see one, which I think I feel like that because of the bad relationship I just came out of 4 months ago. I'm not ready to date anyone, and mainly not a 26 year old, but I think he is really feeling me. I like him as a person and find him sexy. I did get him a kiss when he took me out to say thank you and I must say he had soft lips. I'm so confused! I never dated anyone that young before and I just think younger men are cheaters and like one of your readers said "how does she know if her young lover not drop her for a younger woman." I mean it is summer time and the ladies are out with their with their short skirts and cute outfits, as well as I am. I guess that's why people also think I'm young. Anyway what is your take on this?"

I actually get emails like this almost every day. These are my thoughts.

1. Never assume anything. How can you be sure that all young men are cheats?
2. If you look and feel young, well, take advantage of this. There are women in their 40s who behave like my grandma in her 80s.
3. Yes, young men can be accused of many things (I have got hundreds of stories of young guys who just wanted bragging rights or the thrill of dating and having sex with a desperate, sex-starved mature woman or were just desperate for a date with anyone or whatever else drove them) but isn't that true for men of any age dating a woman their age?
4. Based on what you tell me, I do see that you both appear to have some initial chemistry. And I have heard from dozens of men, women, and couples who are in beautiful relationships despite huge age gaps. The reason is the same that holds a marriage of a couple with similar age together: love, respect, shared goals, compatibility, and common interests. In other words, there is much more going on for you two than a crush or fetish.

My conclusion is that it is too early for you to kill this. And it will be a "sin" (and I don't mean it in the religious sense) to deny this pleasure to you and to him. So go ahead and explore him and see where things end up. It is OK to be upfront about your doubts and tell him that you still want to give it a chance and that is why you are dating him. People regret what they did not do rather than what they did. If he is otherwise a good man, I think he deserves a chance and his age should not be held against him.

So go ahead with an open mind, give your best to it as you would do a man in your age group, and see what happens. And yep, keep those outfits cute; my wife and I who are exactly your age look and feel as we were 20 years ago and are proud of it.

A reader writes, "I have been looking at your blog and saw an account of an older woman (40s) thinking that younger men (20s) do not want serious relationships with older women and will address below another experience I have of a younger man and older woman in a serious relationship. I first met Gary when he was 16 and I was about 32 and pregnant with my second child of a very bad marriage. We both remembered the moment and the feelings we had. Over the next few years my marriage deteriorated further and finally broke up. He was there waiting and later told me he knew it would happen. I was 35 and he was 19 when we first started going out together. It was serious right from the start - I did not hesitate to state my needs regarding my children and the kind of home life I needed. For many years he provided very well for us - we married a few years later and had a child when I was 41. Unfortunately problems he had from the past surfaced and after 16 years of marriage, we split. Age was never an issue. We are good friends now - 15 years after splitting - and I get the feeling he regrets that we are not still together and he shows signs of jealousy over my new partner. I still care deeply for him but have not seen the personal growth I need to see to contemplate a reunion."

I had told a 40-year old woman who is still single, "At this point, most men are married, and the ones that are single are either divorced or have had a few relationships that did not lead to a happy marriage. Wonderful that these men maybe, they are also more likely to be somewhat cynical and skeptical. That just makes it harder for them and the women they date to move forward easily."

She wrote to me and here is her response:

"Seeing that you have so many articles on your site about older women dating younger men, maybe I don't have to limit myself to looking for men around my age who can be cynical and skeptical. Maybe I should broaden my options. At any rate, I get mostly younger guys coming on to me anyway and I rarely date guys my age. However, I am very careful because it seems I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. Because I don't look my age (although what does a 40 year old supposed to look like?), I am that age, so though I attract younger guys, I don't want to end up being the proverbial Mrs. Robinson, if you know what I mean.

While it is the norm for older men to date and marry younger women, most guys don't see themselves in long-term committed relationships with women significantly older than they are because of the children factor or for various other preconceived notions. I understand their skepticism; however, I am not going to sell myself short just because of my age. In my mind, I'm every bit as viable, and vibrant as someone in their 20's even if society doesn't think so."

I still have some suggestions for a woman in similar circumstances. I would suggest that you approach dating younger men with caution. Yes, I have heard from couples like that who are deeply in love, and happily married, but there is also a small group of relationships that did not work out (of course, that is true for couples with no age gap too). It is a bit tricky for those men that want to have a family but will find it difficult with a woman that is 40+, but then not all men want children (and some may already have kids from a previous relationship). As long as you are direct and honest that you do not want to have a relationship with a younger guy just to show him off as a trophy or to experience sex with him, you can attract the right kind of guys.

Catherine, a 71-year old single woman, writes, "Well how about 40 and 50 years difference? I am amazed and really would like to do research on this. Just this past weekend I had 22, 24 and 25 year olds here in town as well as 34 and a 36 year old elsewhere interested - juggling 2 at a time on MSN! The ones in town want to date me and they are the ones in their twenties. I am pretty sure that they have no ulterior motives, regarding money anyway, as they work at the plants here. They are lonesome - many single people are. I have started asking "Why me?" and and they say they like older - and I am sexy - there is no doubt they are turned on - but that is the lot of most guys in their 20's (30's, 40's...) anyway. There has been such a "Barbie" "youth" fetish on this continent for years that perhaps it has palled for some. I think the age differences matter less in Europe. I have heard words like - maturity, intelligence, sensuality, sexy, life - when I ask why. I am very real with these guys and very straight - as I am everywhere. There are enough of them that I do believe it represents something about society - but not something that will be easily analyzed. Some one has suggested to me that too many women have fallen into the Redbook/Cosmopolitan traps of "How To..." and therefore are not real. Another wonders if the isolation that occurs due to current technology and social habits of the younger generation is a factor. Currently I am somewhat serious with a 51 year old and we are planning to meet. That age difference seems so minor to me now. I know your site deals with age differences in both directions, and not quite this topic, but I was wondering if you have gleaned any insights related to what I have written above. I include my unedited photo online - but it is not just that - it is the profiles I write and also the interaction we have online. The youngest ones do not even mention that I do not look 71 - the 40 to 50 years old do. The whole situation particularly interested me when I was messaging 2 twenty-some year olds at once and was having essentially the same conversation with each."

Well, if you read my blog and if you have watched several TV programs on the subject, there are many couples out there with such vast differences, though, I think people still tend to look at them with skepticism, and often accuse the woman of trapping the guy or the guy being attracted to the woman's wealth. I have heard from some men who love these women even though she is not wealthy and has turned away their advances.

So, we can divide these men into several categories:

1. Greedy men who want a woman's wealth after she dies.
2. Lonely men who have been rejected so often by women in their age group that they have given up on them.
3. Men who assume that an older woman is more likely desperate for sex and intimacy and is thus easy to manipulate for whatever they have in mind.
4. Men who are fascinated by the idea of sex with an older woman. You know the ones who lusted for their friend's mom in school or their teachers or a neighbor or even an aunt. This has been romanticized a lot in movies and literature and with so many of our Hollywood icons being in their 40s and 50s, many boys grow up liking older women.
5. There are a lot of single, older women (divorce, late marriages, never married, etc.) available in our society these days.
6. Many older women are intelligent, confident, and far more interesting than a girl in her 20s, for example. What man would not be attracted to all that?

I think when these men interact with you and want to spend time with you, it is some combination of all of the above.

If you are up for it, I would encourage you to actually explore dating with these men in 20s, if not for anything serious, but at least for finding out more about you and them. I am sure I will learn a lot from your experience and through my blog I can pass on the wisdom to other men and women exploring relationships with such huge gaps.

I think you should use all the tricks that you would for a girl your age but there are a few differences with respect to mature women:

1. They may not necessarily be interested in dating, particularly if they are already in a relationship.
2. Many find it difficult to believe that a younger guy may be interested in them, or at least, be serious about them.
3. Some have low self-esteem due to aging and often wrongly believe that just because they have stretch marks or sagging body, younger men would not find them attractive.
4. They also suspect that you are interested only in sex and are not serious about emotional involvement.
   

If you are able to address these issues, you will be in pretty good shape.

While many mature women find beautiful, loving relationships with younger men, there are always cases where it does not work. I think regardless of age any relationship may not work out, and one must be careful with the intentions of the other. More specifically, I want to share the advice I received from a reader for those ladies interested in or being pursued by younger guys:

"As an older woman of 40, who is always told that I look 28 at the most, by everyone, I get mostly younger guys wanting to go out with me. I worry, though, that once they find out my age, they don't want to get serious. They just want to hang out, have sex and enjoy me for what it's worth before finding someone closer to their own age. They write me off as immediately being incompatible with what they want. It is sad sometimes. I wonder Do these guys have honorable intentions towards these older women. Does a 28 year old interested in a 40 year old seriously considering her for marriage? Most younger guys just want sex with older women and older women have to be cautious before opening their hearts to these guys who just want all the benefits but none of the commitment."

As many of you know, I am of the opinion that relationship success is determined by compatibility and commitment not by age gap.

In that context, I heard from Franklin, who at 55 married a 25-year old. He says, "After 3 years of dating, we got married, had a beautiful son, and then I found out she was doing my church pastor. This kind of relationships can work as long as both parties are doing it from the heart, with all the right reasons and with God involved."

Nicole writes, "I am 47 and attracted to a 78 yer old man; we both know there is chemistry between us -- the long lingering looks between each other. He has taken me for a coffee twice and when he has said that I must know he likes me. The way he kisses me and holds my hand I know in my heart that he needs me like I need him. I am waiting patiently for him to carry it through. Please could you tell me that this relationship with the age difference could ever work? If it ever came round to sex please could you give me some ideas on what to expect."

I am a strong believer, and I have heard from thousands of couples like you in relationships with huge age difference, that a couple can have a great relationship regardless of the age gap.

Having said that, I hope you also understand that it is one thing for a 20 year old woman to date a 50 year old man but an altogether different matter when the ages are like yours. Based on typical life expectancy in the developed world, he is already past it. In other words, his health may fail and you will be taking a lot of care of him. On the other hand, you are still very young. And yes, Viagra can perform magic on very old men, but do not be surprised if he cannot perform in bed, or at least is unable to satisfy a woman this young.

What I am trying to tell you is that you both can have an excellent relationship and you should go for it as long as you understand that sex, if possible, will not be great, and the relationship may not last for a very long time.

Nathan writes, "I am a 26 year old and a few weeks ago I met this nice lady on a flight and we talked the whole way. I thought she was maybe 30 and found out she is 36. We've been talking on the phone ever since and planning to go see her next week. I noticed that when I tell others about this and mention her age I get interesting reactions that makes me feel bad like I've totally blown it and need to focus on girls my age. I like this lady; she's smart, experienced, beautiful and she is kind and interested in me and there is this attraction between us. I just need some wisdom here."

First of all, most of the people that I have been hearing from are dealing with relationships that are with 20-30 years age gap, so yours is a somewhat simpler situation.

Now as you can understand the traditional thinking is that the girl should be around the same age or preferably somewhat younger. There are many cultural, economic, social, and biological reasons for it but a lot of things are changing these days. Such relationships have exploded, even leading to marriage and children, but not everyone is aware or comfortable with them, and that is why the confusing message you have been getting from your friends.

So go see her and find out more about her. What is she looking for? What are you looking for right now? Obviously that will dictate a lot of things. Are you ready to marry if you meet the right person?

One issue to think about is a woman's probability of getting pregnant naturally as she approaches 40. So if you want children, you may have to hurry up with her and you might not have a lot of time to waste in dating for a few years and then marrying her.

However, if you find that she is the woman of your dreams and everything that you would look for in a life partner, then just ignore what others say. After all it is you who is going to have to live with a partner, not them. I have seen way too many awful relationships among couples with the perfect age combination and a lot of good relationships with huge age gaps.

Sounds like a cliche, but age is just a number, really.

Jennifer writes to me, "I am a 27 year old female who is married to a 62 year old man. We have one child who is five years old. The marriage has its ups and downs just like any other relationship. We are not perfect, however, we are happier than most couples that we know. We have been married for about six years, and I hope and pray that I have twenty more years with my husband. We get along great and our child is very energetic and outgoing. She is very talkative and there are many times when people will tell my husband what a cute granddaughter he has. He smiles and politely corrects them, letting them know that he is her daddy not her grandpa. I also feel that older men are much better lovers. They are not selfish and are very patient."

If you are contemplating such a relationship with a huge age gap, go right ahead and enjoy it.

If you are in a relationship with a wide age difference, I would like to hear from you. Or you can simply comment on this page.

Anne writes, "He is 55, I am 22. I can't tell if I love him the person, or I love him because he is a multimillionaire. I don't think it's because of his money,but I am so clear if he has no money, I won't him. I guess,it's kinda because I think he is smart, and smart guy should be rich. Is that enough to make me fall in love with a man older than me by 30 years? I feel lost. Maybe I am just that kind of girl that loves old guys. It's weird."

You are not alone in thinking that. Women are almost always attracted to power and money, which in most cases, as you said, comes from intellect, knowledge, and being smart. Such men are also kind and respect women, but what you have to ask yourself is what is the future of this relationship. Do you simply want to have a good time with him for as long as possible or do you think that you want to marry him some day and live happily ever after? You may have to do some more research to find out what he is looking for. Are you simply a toy for this man or is he in love with you and wants to marry you?

There is another possibility that you have talked about: women who like fatherly figures. Yes, a group of women love and even marry men that remind them of their dads.

In each case, there is nothing wrong with having this relationship; you just have to ask what is it that you want and if you can get it with this man.

Noah writes, "I have a good relationship with an attractive older woman. She is 19 years older than I am. We enjoy deep conversations. I want our relationship to become closer. I want to make love to her and find it appropriate for us to do it. She has not said that she does not want it in our relationship but she seems uncertain. She seems hesitant about our age difference. She has said that if we were closer in age things would be different. She said that she lost her virginity the same year I was born. She has not said that she would not enjoy it together. How can I encourage her to think differently about age differences in regards to being physically intimate? Might there be other reasons why she seems uncertain about physical intimacy? Is it common despite age difference in a relationship for the man to want intimacy and find it appropriate and a woman to seem hesitant about it in the relationship?"

I think at this time she is probably also uncertain about your relationship and is afraid that being physically intimate with you will only complicate the situation for both of you.

There can be other reasons for her reluctance. As women get older, they suffer from menopause and many women suffer from lower libido. Vaginal dryness is also common, making it somewhat less pleasurable to make love. She could also be suffering from depression or taking medication that could lower desire.

As women get older, and particularly if they have had children, they also see sagging of breasts, accumulation of fat in many areas, and cellulite, making them feel somewhat less attractive and doubt if a younger man more used to seeing younger women would find them attractive.

If I were you and was completely confident that I wanted to have a serious relationship with her (and not just casual sex) I would not push her into sex at this point. I would much rather spend my time building the relationship and gaining her trust that it is neither about lust nor a short-term fling or a young man's fetish for a mature woman. Do you have the desire and the patience to do this? If so you will be rewarded big time in the end with all her love and passion.

Michelle writes, "I met a young man 15 years my junior about 5 years ago. We started out as friends and began seeing each other more; no commitments to one another, just that when we are together, we are together and we respect each others space. He would come to my home anytime he wanted and I to his but by choice I didn't go that often. He asked me a couple times how I felt about him; all I would say is I care a lot for him and he would say nothing but I suppose because I never asked. He would tell me many times how much he appreciates me, then a couple of months ago I told him I was moving away and then he would tell me that he loved me. He is moving closer to me in the next couple of months but not soon enough for me. I really love him and I believe in my heart that he too loves me the same way. Am I crazy?"

First of all, you are not the most unusual case that I have come across. I have heard from women who are in relationships with men who are young enough to be their grandchildren.

Trust me; yes women who are in healthy relationships with men that are 30 years younger than them.

My position on such relationships is based on a simple fact of life: our intellectual age has little to do with our chronological age. Have you ever met a 50 year old who has the same intelligence of a 12-year old? I have. There are a lot of morons out there, often even holding responsible positions everywhere. I also know recent college graduates who have the depth of grandpa and can blow your mind with their intellectual depth and knowledge. In other words, that is what you are experiencing. You like someone because he is intellectually and emotionally compatible with you, regardless of his age.

My suggestion to all such women is that they should take the plunge because they will some day regret that they rejected a man for merely his age when in reality it does not matter.

So will some people raise eyebrows looking at you two together?

Well, many will if he liked pink shirts or had facial hair or had a tattoo on his butt or wore Speedo to the beach. So I would say that for once tell him how you feel without holding back. Who knows that you two might end up having a relationship of a lifetime.

So go ahead and do it and let me know how it turns out.

Linda writes, "I am a young looking 46 year old woman, dating a 30 years old guy. I have 3 kids, he has one, he can not handle our age difference. He will not be seen in public with me as he says people look at us. We have a very good sex life, we get along most days, we make each other laugh, he now wants the relationship over. We still live together, until I find another house. I am so heartbroken. I love him so much. Please help."

I am sorry to hear that, and unless there is some other reason that he is breaking up (affair, for example) with you and using the age gap as an excuse, there is hope. This is why and this is how you should speak to your stupid boyfriend.

I have dated really fat women (I am incredibly skinny) and women of other races and while they were my age, people have looked at us, even exchanged meaningful glances with their companions. Some even hinted about the odd choice of women that I made. And occasionally they still do despite my being in a perfect marriage with a woman of another race.

People love to talk, and they will, no matter what. If they can't find anything else they will talk about the hideous red jacket a woman wore or the shoes that a man wore or what the kids did or the lousy kitchen the couple has, and on and on.....

Those who live their life to satisfy others are never happy because people will always figure out to express their opinions about them, particularly about successful people. We live in a world of people with opinions and smart people know how to ignore it in order to sleep better at night.

Your boyfriend has to start being a man and appreciate that he is ending a beautiful relationship (which are nearly impossible to find these days based on dozens of emails I get each day) all because some jerks tell him that he is dating a woman older than him. Tell him to have some self respect for himself and you and not be such a sissy. I mean will he shave his head off tomorrow if people start talking about his awful hairstyle or quit his job if people start making fun of the company he works for? Or throw his kid out of the house because some other mom thinks that his kid is an idiot?

So, talk to him and tell him that there are more important issues at stake for him than merely ending a relationship with a woman just because she is a little older. He has to learn to take ownership of his choices and put his happiness above that of others (yes, people talk because that adds spice to their lives).

And just between you and I, if this man pays no attention to this logic, guess what? He is not the man for you. A man who cannot take on the society to fight for his choices and to protect the love of his life, I mean, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this man no matter how good he is in bed?

Y need a man who respects you and respects his choices, and then has the courage to defend him and his family against the world. If he is now proving that others opinions are more important than his and yours, I would say, find one of those efficiency apartments and move out now.

Jake writes, "I have recently been seeing this woman that is eleven years older than me, and we are both very much into each other. The only problem is that she is having issues with the fact that I am so much younger. I am so crazy about this woman and I want to be able to make this work for the two of us. She says that if I was only a few years older she wouldn't hesitate. So what I want to know is how do I make her more comfortable with the fact that I am so much younger, and make her realize how age doesn't matter when you have the connection we have?"

I think she is simply choosing to look at the more traditional age patterns to come up with her rationale for ending this relationship. So first thing that you want to make sure is that there are no other reasons that she would want to breakup and is merely using the age difference as an excuse.

Now also remember that most people have a right to end a relationship whenever they wish but I don't approve of it in cases where people already have inbuilt biases like "I will not date a younger man." I mean why would she date you then in the first place?

Still, there is hope. I have never lost faith in the power of persuasion when it comes to women. I am sure you had to do some of it all along and if you continue with it with this issue, trust me, chances are that she will realize what a small detail it is in the big scheme of things when you are really a perfect couple otherwise.

Phillip, a 22-year old writes, "I have noticed that older women around 30 or older are paying me some attention. My height probably attracts them. It seems strange and I do not wish to be taken advantage of. How should I view this? How does this affect my relationship with my parents?"

I am not surprised at all. As the trend becomes more mainstream and everyone gets comfortable with the idea of of an older woman with a younger man, it is no longer scandalous to flirt with a younger male and even to date him. In other words, these women want to find if you are interested in dating them, probably not even thinking what your age is.

Personally I have always believed that the "person" should be the #1 priority while dating. You could end up with a really incompatible person but that person could be your age. On the contrary, a person with a huge age gap might be the perfect partner for you. So look for the person and forget the age; you will make better dating choices.

Regarding your parents, I do not know enough to comment, but any reasonable parent will support the decision of their child, if that person make him happy.

I hear about relationships with big age gaps almost every day but there are times that some age gaps are bigger than what we are used to. Jim is 45 and is ready to marry an 18-year old. "It happened by our luck only. I was not looking for a relationship like this but we both love each other now. Am I wrong? Please tell me," he asks.

Indeed, there is no numbers counting when you fall in love. Since the two of you are both in love, get rid of any doubts you have. This is not the time to think since age is just a number. Indeed, you may have some problems in the marriage because of the age gap but I hear from couples every day who have problems - they also happen to be in the same age bracket. In fact, perfectly normal couples in every respect keep getting divorced or breaking up. This is simply a myth that people with wide age gap have any more problems than couples in the same age group. Of course you will need to make adjustments (the music that you like may not be the same as she does, for example) and so will she, but that is advice couples of all ages need. A relationship is about acceptance and compromises and as long as you do that you can have a beautiful relationship.

I like to publish stories of people who have found love despite a wide age gap. Here is a beautiful story from Hillary.

Note: If you are looking for relationship, you are welcome to join our free dating website.

I am 66 yrs old, widowed with 2 grown children. I am seeing a man 11 years younger. I was married to a man 17 years older. This man and I are amazingly compatible, we talk and listen to each other. We spend a great deal of time together. He was attracted to me because I am intelligent and well spoken. I am a good listener willing to spend as much time as he needs to talk.

He is a man used to women in their 30s, 40s, and maybe early 50s. He has struggled with our relationship, trying to accept our age difference, body differences, (I'm older, heavier, though younger looking with very little gray hair. I could easily pass for 55). I've decided to listen to him, be a support for his life and problems, care for him when he needs it and allow him plenty of space to deal with his confusion. He loves me, I love him. I plan to enjoy him however long this relationship lasts. Thank you for your wonderful articles, they offered reassurance to my situation.

Courtney is a 52 year old woman and this is what she wrote to me today. "I agree with you on the subject of an older woman being with a younger man. Many people don't accept that this is a viable option. I myself resisted the temptation for some time before succumbing to the affections of a man 23 years my junior. I wound up marrying him and the problems that surfaced in our marriage were not due to our large age gap. His family members were more judgmental than mine about the age difference. After 6 years of being together, he divorced me and went back to his ex, who is only about 4 years younger than myself. I have been alone for nearly a year and have not found a man thus far that suits me. Age is a number. This is what I want men and women out there to understand," she says.

I think Courtney's case clearly proves that if a couple is compatible otherwise, age is merely a number. And if they are otherwise incompatible, being of the same age can actually be a problem sometimes - a mature partner can handle the situation better.

Couple with 41 years age gap

While the current hot topic is younger men dating older women, the trend of older men in relationships with much younger women is not over. However, we have been surprised by one of our reader's story. She writes, "I am 31, and my significant other just turned 72. We have a great relationship. Most of the people in our lives, his 3 daughters, (his youngest is 9 years older than me), and my 3 children (12, 7, and 4) are all fine with our relationship. Of course, in the begining, there were questions from everyone. But now, there are only a couple people in our lives - my dad and step-mom, and his 24 year old grandson that has a problem. I was married before, he is widowed. We care about each other and we support each other, take care of ourselves and each other, and we both learn a lot from each other. I never imagined I would ever meet someone this special. By the way, he is not particularly wealthy, so I can't be accused of being a gold-digger. The hardest part is being in public. People think he is my grandfather, and when they find out our relationship are pretty obviously taken back. It is hard to meet others that can relate, and it is hard to know how to respond to confrontation. Any advice?"

Well, in over five years that we have operated LuvCube talking about such relationships, you are probably the couple with the biggest age gap. In any case, the most high profile case is that of Anna Nicole Smith and her husband J. Howard Marshall II since they had an age gap of 63 years. While she always claimed that he was the love of her life, no one believed her and called her a gold-digger.

While people are more accepting, as you have found out, your case is an exception. In other words, what it means is that you will have to live with this the rest of your life and learn to deal with it. Let me give you an example. My wife does not use my last name. So it is not uncommon for people to address us by each other's last names depending who they know. So the phone company (phone is in her name) always addresses me using her last name. What can we do? There is nothing offensive about it but it is awkward at times for me to be called at times with a last name that I love but is not mine.

How to deal with the situation?

This is what I would suggest. In situations where it is only temporary (e.g. when you check into a hotel and the clerk does not realize that he is your boyfriend), there is no reason to correct or to engage in a conversation trying to clarify it. You will only be making your life difficult. On the other hand, for people that must understand - family members, friends, etc. - you must politely and without embarassment - correct them. There is no reason to give long explanations. We all have a right to fall in love with anyone we choose to and others should respect that.

The sad reality of the world is that people just expect things to be a certain way. Men will only marry women. Children will only be born to heterosexual couples. People will only marry others like them. Remember not too long ago it was a scandal to marry someone of another race.

I would say that just because of the public reaction you should not stop living your life. Live your life as if his age is not an issue. Eventually people will see the beauty of it all and get used to it. Some idiots, though, never will. Don't worry about the idiots.