After having a series of relationships with men who did not know how to treat a woman right, Mandy found a boyfriend, but with a problem: dating but no commitment to marry. "He was once married and has three kids. He also had an affair with a another woman (while married and that is what led to divorce) and has a baby from this woman. But when I met him that was no problem because before all the guys I met were jerks. The problem is now we are in to each other so much, and we are happy that we are together but he is afraid that if our relationship went further then we have to get married but he is afraid that things my not work out and lead to divorce again. For me he is the only guy who has ever treated me well and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. What can I do? What can I say to show though that not all women are like his previous relationships and we can be married forever?" she asks.

I understand your situation and that is why I think that this is not the best man for you. Why? Yes, he may be a nice guy but he has a lot of baggage with him. Four kids from two women? Yes, he will be too busy paying child support that he will not have time for you or money to pay for his children with you.

Plus, men who have gone through divorces and breakups often become cynical about relationships in general and that is what you are seeing with him.

I can understand why you are attracted to him because he is the first man that has treated you like a lady but I also know that there are other good men out there that are gentlemen but have no baggage.

I don't think you should breakup with him right away but it is a bad idea to dream of a wedding with him.

Angela, a 50 year old woman is dating a 34-year old man for over three years. "Recently he started drinking heavily as he always had, then he started staying out late, then he met a woman and started talking to her via phone. He promised me he wouldn't talk to her anymore, because he didn't want to jeopardize our relationship. Now he tell me he needs time away to think things out. What is happening to my boyfriend? He says he loves me. Please advise," she writes.

First of all, as I read your story, I think it has nothing to do with an older woman dating a younger man. It is just yet another couple having a problem in their relationship.

When a relationship becomes serious and reaches a point where a man or a woman has to make that decision about its long-term future, a lot of people have serious doubts about it. The high rate of divorce has definitely put many men (and women) on alert about marriage and that too with a woman who is incapable of becoming pregnant (indeed, he should have thought of this before starting to date you, but not everyone gets everything right and many men do not realize that a relationship with a mature woman will actually last 3 years).

Men also become more critical about relationships, look at all the things that are not perfect about it, and then try to find ways to escape. I think your boyfriend is at that stage. He probably would be at the same stage even if you were 34 or younger.

My advice to you would be to give him the time that he needs to think things out. Agree on a time frame, say 30 days, so that you don't keep waiting forever while he is still dealing with his issues. If a person cannot decide things like this in a reasonable period of time, this person is not reasonable any way. During this time, be there for him but assure him that you are not some desperate woman who needs him even if he doesn't. Be confident and proud of who you are but also show him that you love him too, appreciate the relationship, and would want it to work out.

When a woman is in a relationship with a significant age gap, she has two major concerns: Is this man going to leave me for a younger woman and If he is simply using me? Carla has the first issue to deal with. She writes, "I am not yet 40 and my new boyfriend (of 2 months) is six years younger. When we met, I really thought he was about my age. We are fine with this age disparity. He's divorced; has already been a step-father to a boy whose mother is 8 years older than my boyfriend. Children are not my top priority. I have had more years of a career than in a truly loving relationship. I'd like to have lots of time with this person before thinking about kids. The niggly thought is: at 40, will he leave me to have a family with someone who is still able? This fear is what has me thinking of putting the brakes on; even breaking up with him. I would really appreciate any info you may be able to share with me."

Indeed, your prospects of getting pregnant are rapidly declining and I am sure that he understands this. If he has chosen to have a relationship with you, he fully understands that kids are probably out of question, at least not without some kind of fertility treatment.

So if you like him, I would say that there is no reason to breakup based only on a baseless fear. There are so many reasons that a man may end a relationship and this is just one of them. So be positive and give your best to the relationship. If he wants other kids and loves you, adoption is one option, but I am sure that he is not interested in more kids - he wouldn't be "wasting" his time with you.

How to approach a woman already in a relationship but sends right signals

It is not easy to ask a woman to dump her boyfriend or expect a married woman to get a divorce even though she is clearly interested in a relationship with you. While you may lose an opportunity, you may also end up making a fool of yourself.

Paul has a similar dilemma. He says, "I have this girl here at my college. She is in a long distance relationship. However, she has flirted with me often and even stated that she has feelings for me and has thought of me when she was alone. She even text-messaged me saying she couldn't sleep because she was thinking about me. We get along very well and even sat down and talked and laughed for about four hours because we lost track of time. I like her personality because she is so outgoing and I must admit she isn't bad on the the eyes either. She has stated that she likes my personality as well. She likes her current boyfriend, of course, and I am not the type to make her cheat or breakup. I respect her and her dating choices, but I can tell she feels something for me as well. I don't know if I should make a move and convince her I could be better than the man she is with. I also don't know if I am just a fall-back guy because her boyfriend lives so far away. I just don't know and don't have enough insight on women to make a decision. I like her and she stated she likes me as well. I ask you Should I make a move? And if yes, then should it be straightforward or more passive? I would really appreciate your input."

My question is What did you do/say to her when she said/did all these things. Is it a possibility that you did not reciprocate her declaration of feelings for you? If so, she may be wondering that you do not like her enough yet and that is why the relationship has not gone anywhere.

Please do let her know that you feel about her the way she feels about you. You can do that by either telling her in person or writing it down in a card or by starting to flirt back with her. I would say that at this stage it is best that you do not "make a move" as such but reassure her that the passionate feelings are mutual and you are as much into her as she is into you. At that point she may be able to make up her mind but there is a possibility that she likes the other guy even more and is simply entertaining herself by flirting with you - you just need to be prepared for this reality and the resulting disappointment.