Leticia writes, "I want to make my boyfriend happy. It's not that he shows disappointment it but I feel shy when we kiss or make love. What can I do?"

Well, it is somewhat natural to feel a bit shy at your age, but I think some of it might be coming from lack of confidence that you have in your looks and body. I hope you understand that love and sex are natural part of life and kissing your lover is just natural that you must also enjoy. There is nothing bad nor should you feel guilty to please your partner and also please your own body, but at this age, ALWAYS have protection so that you do not get pregnant.

So next time when he kisses you, just close your eyes and enjoy it. Now what do you feel like? Do it. I don't know what you will feel but if you feel like touching him or biting him or using your tongue, just go ahead and do it. Not only will you like it but so will he.

In most cases, men are pretty straightforward in expressing if they are enjoying sex with a woman or not. The only problem is a man who is simply too shy or does not know what sex is supposed to feel like.

So if your boyfriend is not complaining, he initiates and looks forward to intimacy with you, suggests and tries new ways of pleasing each other, and your relationship is otherwise fine, it is fair to assume that he is sexually satisfied. However, if you notice that he asks for more sex or complains about you not providing him certain types of sex, or avoids sex with you, or treats sex like a chore, then you might have a problem.

Veronica writes, "I was just wondering if you could help me out. In highschool I had the biggest crush on this guy and I continue to this day. I will still do anything for him no matter what it is even though I'm with my boyfriend of three years (who by the way often mistreats me). I ran into him two years ago when he came to visit and I felt like I was in high school again. All these feelings from the past came back. Even though we can't be together (he is also in a serious relationship) I would rather have him in my life somehow. I really him love almost the same, if not more, then I love my BF. I am torn. I have been in love with him for 6 years now. I refuse to let him go. He says he feels the same way. I just want some advice please on what to do next and how to proceed forward."

As you know very well, I am not a big fan of a man if he mistreats you.

Based on what you tell me, I am not 100% sure that this new man is completely devoted to you at this point and would want you as a girlfriend (it is not easy to simply walk away from a steady girlfriend when you run into your high school crush). Having said, that when he sees you with another man he is probably holding back his feelings for you.

I would suggest that you pack your bags and go spend some time with your newly found love. See where he is at and if he feels as strongly about you as you do and if you two can have a future together. Do not go with the intention of moving in with him but definitely you two need to figure out if you both want the same things, and if so, how to make it happen. Just tell your current boyfriend that you are going to see some girl friend from college

Anika writes, "My BF and have been together for 3 years. I think he may be cheating, not physically, but still. He still talks to his ex and doesn't see a problem with it. Some of the messages between them have been very suggestive. I'm afraid to confront him because I was sneaking through his phone but on the other hand he knows I don't like him talking to her and he has promised to stop. He did for a while but started up again. I just don't see why he needs to talk to her. I don't want to break up with him but I don't want to feel like I'm making him choose. I really love him and we are getting our own place. We have plans of marriage and kids but I just can't help but lay awake knowing that he rather talk to her and lie about than consider my feelings. On top of that I found a bunch of nasty text messages in the past from a different girl. I confronted him in a fight and he said it was him pretending because he knew I was going through his phone. I don't believe him but I let it go. He is very controlling and scares me. I let him get away with murder but don't want to leave him. I wake up at least 5 days a week and wishing I was with someone who deserved me. What should I do?"

Even though you say that you don't want to breakup and you love this man plus he is a controlling man, I will still say that you should seriously consider breaking up with him. Why? Your boyfriend is addicted to cheating with women and no matter what you do, he will always be messing around with other girls. And if you don't end the relationship and get married to him, you will never be in peace because every single day you will either need to keep an eye on him so that he is not messing around with another woman or lie awake wondering where he is.

In response to my article my boyfriend is a liar, Leticia writes, "There are times when we don't want to accept the truth for so many reasons. We only see what is exactly in front of us. I don't know if it is the fear of being alone or you just get accustomed to being with that one person, with the hope that they love you enough to care about your feelings. But what I've come to realize is that if they don't care about themselves, how can they care about anyone else. I'm a strong believer that if men thought about these things being done to their mother, sister, daughter, they would think twice about some of the things they subject women to."

One of my long time readers, Grace, writes, "I always find your advice helpful and for this I want to thank you but you know problems in relationship never end. I am in relationship for over ten months but for the last three months we have not been having sex so much -- maybe in one month we have once or twice and the worst thing is that it does not last too long. This makes me angry sometimes and when I want to have sex and I touch him he removes my hands from him. Before we used to have sex five or four times in a week and I liked it. I tried talking to him about it and he said that he still loves and finds me sexy even if we did not have sex so many times. We live together and this affects our relationship but sometimes it is disappointing. Sometimes I try to figure out if they are just words which come from his mouth to make me feel good or is it normal. I don't want to cheat on him by taking someone else to fulfill my desires, but what do I do?"

I can understand that something like this might happen after being married for 10-20 years for people in their 40s and 50s, but if it happens after just 10 months, there is a serious problem in the relationship. When it happens so soon in a relationship, there can be a few reasons:

1. He has lost interest in you and is hoping to end this relationship as soon as he can. This behavior indicates that.
2. He has found another lover.
3. He has mental health problems. For example, he could be depressed, worried, or is living under a very high level of stress.

I think if it is #3, then you should try to help him by visiting a doctor and/or helping him overcome his worries and stress, but if it is #1 or 2, it may be time to end the relationship.

Natalia writes, "I have been dating this guy for 9 years, and yes, we spoke about marriage. He comes up with every reason why he does not want to marry yet. He has been married twice already and he uses that one excuse a lot. I know for a fact that he is not true to me due to his ladies calling me on my cell. He always says they are only friends, my thing is if they are only friends why can't we sit down and have lunch together. Oh I will take care of that, that is his comeback. What should I think or do; he is such a liar and bad at it too."

Well, I am a bit surprised that you have chosen to be with a man for 9 years despite his unstoppable lies. I think you have simply allowed him to abuse and use you. At this time he just likes to be surrounded by several women at the same time so that he does not have to marry one and a be a responsible, loving husband.

He couldn't tell you clearer than this. He is not interested in marrying you and if you are still with you, it is because he thinks that you are stupid enough to believe that somehow things will change.

Please throw him out of your life; you have already wasted 9 years on him, do not waste a single moment on him from now on.

Alice writes, "Please tell me where I can get help for my boyfriend. He does not believe he has a problem but he thinks I am supposed to only have him as a friend. He has been married before. He and I were dating while he was going through the divorce."

Based on what you are telling me it seems that he is suffering from "commitment phobia." It is a problem with many men these days, but particularly acute among divorced men. Obviously because they have been divorced they lose some faith in the institution of marriage, but I don't count it as a valid excuse. If a man does not want to commit and only wants to be friends, he should be upfront about it rather than mislead a woman.

I have written extensively on this topic. Try a search here for terms like "commitment phobia" and "commitment phobic" on the page below and read more about dozens of women who have written to me about this issue.

Obviously you can try talking to him and also see if you can go to relationship therapy with someone who works with married couples.

After having a series of relationships with men who did not know how to treat a woman right, Mandy found a boyfriend, but with a problem: dating but no commitment to marry. "He was once married and has three kids. He also had an affair with a another woman (while married and that is what led to divorce) and has a baby from this woman. But when I met him that was no problem because before all the guys I met were jerks. The problem is now we are in to each other so much, and we are happy that we are together but he is afraid that if our relationship went further then we have to get married but he is afraid that things my not work out and lead to divorce again. For me he is the only guy who has ever treated me well and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. What can I do? What can I say to show though that not all women are like his previous relationships and we can be married forever?" she asks.

I understand your situation and that is why I think that this is not the best man for you. Why? Yes, he may be a nice guy but he has a lot of baggage with him. Four kids from two women? Yes, he will be too busy paying child support that he will not have time for you or money to pay for his children with you.

Plus, men who have gone through divorces and breakups often become cynical about relationships in general and that is what you are seeing with him.

I can understand why you are attracted to him because he is the first man that has treated you like a lady but I also know that there are other good men out there that are gentlemen but have no baggage.

I don't think you should breakup with him right away but it is a bad idea to dream of a wedding with him.

Angela, a 50 year old woman is dating a 34-year old man for over three years. "Recently he started drinking heavily as he always had, then he started staying out late, then he met a woman and started talking to her via phone. He promised me he wouldn't talk to her anymore, because he didn't want to jeopardize our relationship. Now he tell me he needs time away to think things out. What is happening to my boyfriend? He says he loves me. Please advise," she writes.

First of all, as I read your story, I think it has nothing to do with an older woman dating a younger man. It is just yet another couple having a problem in their relationship.

When a relationship becomes serious and reaches a point where a man or a woman has to make that decision about its long-term future, a lot of people have serious doubts about it. The high rate of divorce has definitely put many men (and women) on alert about marriage and that too with a woman who is incapable of becoming pregnant (indeed, he should have thought of this before starting to date you, but not everyone gets everything right and many men do not realize that a relationship with a mature woman will actually last 3 years).

Men also become more critical about relationships, look at all the things that are not perfect about it, and then try to find ways to escape. I think your boyfriend is at that stage. He probably would be at the same stage even if you were 34 or younger.

My advice to you would be to give him the time that he needs to think things out. Agree on a time frame, say 30 days, so that you don't keep waiting forever while he is still dealing with his issues. If a person cannot decide things like this in a reasonable period of time, this person is not reasonable any way. During this time, be there for him but assure him that you are not some desperate woman who needs him even if he doesn't. Be confident and proud of who you are but also show him that you love him too, appreciate the relationship, and would want it to work out.

When a woman is in a relationship with a significant age gap, she has two major concerns: Is this man going to leave me for a younger woman and If he is simply using me? Carla has the first issue to deal with. She writes, "I am not yet 40 and my new boyfriend (of 2 months) is six years younger. When we met, I really thought he was about my age. We are fine with this age disparity. He's divorced; has already been a step-father to a boy whose mother is 8 years older than my boyfriend. Children are not my top priority. I have had more years of a career than in a truly loving relationship. I'd like to have lots of time with this person before thinking about kids. The niggly thought is: at 40, will he leave me to have a family with someone who is still able? This fear is what has me thinking of putting the brakes on; even breaking up with him. I would really appreciate any info you may be able to share with me."

Indeed, your prospects of getting pregnant are rapidly declining and I am sure that he understands this. If he has chosen to have a relationship with you, he fully understands that kids are probably out of question, at least not without some kind of fertility treatment.

So if you like him, I would say that there is no reason to breakup based only on a baseless fear. There are so many reasons that a man may end a relationship and this is just one of them. So be positive and give your best to the relationship. If he wants other kids and loves you, adoption is one option, but I am sure that he is not interested in more kids - he wouldn't be "wasting" his time with you.

How to approach a woman already in a relationship but sends right signals

It is not easy to ask a woman to dump her boyfriend or expect a married woman to get a divorce even though she is clearly interested in a relationship with you. While you may lose an opportunity, you may also end up making a fool of yourself.

Paul has a similar dilemma. He says, "I have this girl here at my college. She is in a long distance relationship. However, she has flirted with me often and even stated that she has feelings for me and has thought of me when she was alone. She even text-messaged me saying she couldn't sleep because she was thinking about me. We get along very well and even sat down and talked and laughed for about four hours because we lost track of time. I like her personality because she is so outgoing and I must admit she isn't bad on the the eyes either. She has stated that she likes my personality as well. She likes her current boyfriend, of course, and I am not the type to make her cheat or breakup. I respect her and her dating choices, but I can tell she feels something for me as well. I don't know if I should make a move and convince her I could be better than the man she is with. I also don't know if I am just a fall-back guy because her boyfriend lives so far away. I just don't know and don't have enough insight on women to make a decision. I like her and she stated she likes me as well. I ask you Should I make a move? And if yes, then should it be straightforward or more passive? I would really appreciate your input."

My question is What did you do/say to her when she said/did all these things. Is it a possibility that you did not reciprocate her declaration of feelings for you? If so, she may be wondering that you do not like her enough yet and that is why the relationship has not gone anywhere.

Please do let her know that you feel about her the way she feels about you. You can do that by either telling her in person or writing it down in a card or by starting to flirt back with her. I would say that at this stage it is best that you do not "make a move" as such but reassure her that the passionate feelings are mutual and you are as much into her as she is into you. At that point she may be able to make up her mind but there is a possibility that she likes the other guy even more and is simply entertaining herself by flirting with you - you just need to be prepared for this reality and the resulting disappointment.