A reader shares her concerns about differences in communication styles with her partner:

"My boyfriend and I seem to trust one another with regard to other people. It is the differences in communication styles which are more of a problem for me. I am an instructor and used to regular communication, schedules in fact, and regular feedback. Obviously that is not how he functions. I have sent him one liners periodically when he has been "away" and understand that he appreciates them. I would love to have something in return but, as I gather, when he is working he does not access his email. He is very much a "Man from Mars," I believe. He is the only one I chat with who "takes my breath away."

Megan writes, "I read on your blog that you had a long distance relationship and am looking for a little advice/feedback. Robert, my long distance boyfriend that I met through online dating but am yet to see him in person, and I had a couple of significant misunderstandings that made me back off for a while - deal breakers, so to speak. I had pretty well decided it couldn't work and he came on chat this morning - we sorted out the issues - and are back on track. Our modes of and needs for communication seem to differ greatly. I am an instructor and need/want lots of regular communication - he seems satisfied with sporadic intense sessions, will leave sessions without planning the next one, etc. I am gaining in confidence that he cares and wants the relationship - he is very consistent with that - and that the lack of communication for days means he is busy. Neither of us have trust issues regarding each other and other people. He is a pilot and their personality includes and ON or OFF characteristic - and I guess when he is flying he is OFF as regards communicating with me. I am getting accustomed to that as I see he cares consistently even if he does not communicate it regularly. He is coming here next week - and we will see if the positive elements we have in online communication are present face to face and then go from there. I am quite nervous - having feelings of inadequacy etc. - to be expected, I suppose. Any feedback regarding your own experiences is welcomed."

Yes, with my (now) wife I had a long distance relationship for 2 years but I had known her well before that. Indeed, distance made things very complicated. If I was stuck with a customer having dinner and if she called after 8 PM, she almost sometimes assumed that I was with another woman. It was during the era of no email or web and international phone calls were expensive (plus the 11 hour time difference) and that means it was not easy to provide a lot of explanation. I still wrote letters to clear up doubts and misunderstanding, and with time, she became more appreciative of the fact that I need to have a life even if it means that I was not at home each evening grieving over a girlfriend separated from me.

In the end, we made it work by frequent phone calls and visits. I think we were able to be physically together every 3-5 months and that gave us opportunities to catch up and clear up misunderstandings. So my advice is that keep the communication channels open and even though he may be silent for a few days, a few emails from you will help in the meantime. Plus, you will need to tune yourself to his communication styles. I am almost professorial in my communication pointing out each and every, even minor detail, but my wife is not. She often assumes that I know it or should know it, and now when she says, "You know what I mean," I actually respond, "No, I don't; and can you please explain as if you would to a 6 year old."

You guys have not met yet and that is why it is even harder. So the first meeting will definitely build trust. First meeting in such circumstances is also often full of surprises and disappointments so be prepared for that.

Lacie writes, "I'm in 7 year-old relationship. We are generally a happy couple. I can say it's perfect. Last year, however, I came to work overseas. For the first year I was away, everything was okay. We still had good communication. Starting this year he seldom contacts me (email, IM, text message, or phone call). He's not affectionate any more. He cannot even say he loves me which he used to tell me before very frequently. Is he sending me a message that he wants to end the relationship?"

I am assuming that you are not yet married.

Based on what you are telling me, as you can understand, long distance relationships are very difficult for both partners. I was in one for two years and while eventually we got married, it was a difficult two years for both of us. Things that can be resolved in one minute when a couple is physically together, explode into something huge when you are hundreds of miles apart.

Unless there is something else (like a job loss or death in the family or medical problem that could put him into low spirits) I am suspecting that he has found another woman and by cutting off communication with you, he is hinting that he wants to breakup with you. I think you need to ask that question to him right away so that you can know for sure what is going on. If there is some misunderstanding, you need to visit him and spend some time with him to make sure that you two still have feelings for each other.

Melody writes, "I met a guy about a year and a half ago, and we started dating a few months later. We have a great time when we're together, but I have to force him to spend time with me. His usual routine is to get up in the morning and within the hour he's on his way out the door. As a woman I feel like I need more than that from someone who says he loves me. He's gone all day, and he comes home with just enough time to maybe eat, then he falls asleep. He refuses to give up his apartment, no one understands why. I've got a friend who stays across the street from his place, and she and her man say that they've never seen anyone else with him over there, so I don't really suspect cheating. I tried talking to him many times, but he acts like the problem will just go away. I finally lost it the other night. He left the house with an attitude because I was not in the bed with him. I was sleeping on the couch because I was uncomfortable. I texted him and told him he forgot his things that he could take them to wherever he spends all his time. He reluctantly left. I love him, but I can be by myself whenever I want. Why should I claim having a man if he's never around?"

It is clear that you two are totally incompatible. You are warm and emotional, warm person that likes to spend quality time with your lover, but based on his behavior with you, it is obvious that he is not that type at all. As you are finding out, it is not that he is cheating or that another woman is on his mind; many men are simply not so much into hugging, cuddling, kissing, or going shopping with their girl. In other words, he is a cold man who lives in his own world where there is not a lot of place for a woman to live.

Melody, he is not the man for you and if you are with him, you will always be waiting for his attention while he will simply believe that you are just another object in his life. It is good that he is gone so now you can move on and find someone more like you.

How to communicate with your partner?

I have found in my research while talking to hundreds of people, including couples, is that if you simply talk about it, problems can be resolved. So when your partner comes to you and says, "Honey, we need to talk," pay attention, then absorb the information, and finally share your thoughts. It is also good to respond later rather than right away so that you have had time to think about it. In other words, literally, communication can do wonders to a relationship. Watch this video interview with Kate White, editor of Cosmopolitan magazine, in which she lays out the rules for communication for couples.