Yesterday I published the story of a man who says "Cougars want me." Indeed they do a lot these days because I keep hearing stories from both men and women in relationships with huge age gaps. Today I have heard from one of these cougars.

Samantha writes, "I am 63 (though I am often told that I look 45) and my new boyfriend is just 30. In an attempt to discover the current consensus regarding this subject of older women dating younger guys, I discovered your site and found the questions, and especially, your responses helpful and a confirmation of my own philosophy. I've usually gone out with younger men. My first husband, and father of my 2 grownup sons, was 6 years younger than me, and my second husband was 15 years younger. My most recent boyfriend (10 years younger) and I broke up more than a year ago. I was not planning to find another man until I got myself "together" in various areas. I met this man through work, but don't work with him and have known him for 2 years. He has 2 young children. The only problem, it appears, with this relationship and some of the others mentioned on your site, is the response of other people. I don't care about those other people. However, I don't show intimate affection in public (but I never did). So unless they know us personally, they're going to wonder and guess and come to their own conclusions about the nature of our relationship no matter what is or isn't in the public eye. My philosophy is "be here now," "go with the flow," etc. I'm not interested in getting married again to anyone ever. I'm active, go to the gym, still work, write, camp, hike, enjoy my grandchildren, don't smoke or drink and really enjoy my life. My new man is an added bonus and his age is not a factor for me. what is a factor is that we both enjoy pretty much the same things. We talk for hours about everything, sex is great, and we're both enjoying discovering each other and ourselves. My advice to some of those others is "don't sweat the small stuff." We are all the future and we can change perceptions and break barriers by being true to ourselves. By the way, it takes practice and time to do that. One step at a time. Enjoy the ride!"

I do admire your attitude.I think a lot of men and women in your situation could learn from your experience. Prior to responding to you, I wrote to a man minutes ago who is worried what would his parents think of him dating an older woman.

I think we all get too hung up on education, job, age, social status, looks, etc., that we forget that what makes us happy and our relationships successful is if two people are compatible emotionally and spiritually and that can happen no matter what the age difference. I know many couples who live in horrible relationships, but guess what, they are the same age and are "perfect" in all other respects.

Phillip, a 22-year old writes, "I have noticed that older women around 30 or older are paying me some attention. My height probably attracts them. It seems strange and I do not wish to be taken advantage of. How should I view this? How does this affect my relationship with my parents?"

I am not surprised at all. As the trend becomes more mainstream and everyone gets comfortable with the idea of of an older woman with a younger man, it is no longer scandalous to flirt with a younger male and even to date him. In other words, these women want to find if you are interested in dating them, probably not even thinking what your age is.

Personally I have always believed that the "person" should be the #1 priority while dating. You could end up with a really incompatible person but that person could be your age. On the contrary, a person with a huge age gap might be the perfect partner for you. So look for the person and forget the age; you will make better dating choices.

Regarding your parents, I do not know enough to comment, but any reasonable parent will support the decision of their child, if that person make him happy.

It is not just the celebrities that are assuming the role of cougars. Ordinary women that you see every day are finding love with younger men.

Kathleen, a 44-year old and a mother of a teenage son, too has fallen in love with a man who is just 24. "I met him a year ago. I thought he was so handsome and there seemed to be something special about him, but I didn't think he would want to date someone my age. We talked on the phone for a year and really developed a mental bond. He is intelligent, has good morals and values, is spiritual, and has everything that a woman could dream of. I didn't intend to fall in love with him but I have and I think the age difference is an issue. I tried not to think that at first, but after talking to him, he wants kids and I think he is a bit apprehensive about what his family will think. He has never brought up taking me around any of his friends or family which makes me feel like I am some kinda secret. Although he has indicated to me he "told" his family about me. My family would accept him if I'm happy with him. I am at a crossroads now. I love him but I am seeing some maturity issues, rather lack thereof, and I'm wondering if I should jump ship now before I get hurt. I know this guy cares for me, he tells me he loves me, and our lovemaking is phenomenal. I seem to attract younger men because I look 35, not 45, and I have a young spirit. I don't want to let him go, but I don't know if I should move forward either. Please help."

I advise a lot of women and couples in similar situations and it is important to understand that it is nothing unusual and most couples do just fine despite the age gap.

Now in your specific case, remember that at your age, it is not easy to get pregnant and have a healthy child, unless you choose donor eggs. There is a very low probability of getting pregnant naturally and still have a healthy baby but you both need to understand that the possibility is less than 5%.

I am also a little concerned that he has not bothered to declare what he has been up to. As you suspect, maybe you are just his secret relationship, and I wouldn't be surprised if he has simply told his family that he is dating someone rather than giving them all the details like your age and the fact that you are a mom to a teenager.

I do not think you should breakup right now. Give him a chance to take things to the next level. Like introductions to friends and family and discuss what is next for you both. It is also important to think about out what is it that you want from him and this relationship. A boy toy for a while or someone you want to marry? If you and him do not share the same future for the relationship, then it is best to end it sooner rather than later.

Robert, a man in his mid-50s interested in dating a younger girl. He asks, "What are some good dating websites for young women looking for older men?"

I don't like to personally recommend any website because I have not had the chance to try it myself (I am a happily married to a woman slightly older to me; thank you very much) but what I tell people is that they can use any good dating website and indicate what they are looking for in their personal ad. You can also do a Google search (for terms like Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mama or cougar dating or mature dating) and find some so-called specialty websites but I am skeptical of them because they do not have enough members or often have girls who just want your money. Many of them are actually escorts or prostitutes or want to become a mistress rather that real girls looking for a solid relationship.

Of course, I also like you to join to the completely free dating website that I am building.

How to date a sugar mama?

You know the term "sugar daddy." He is a wealthy, older man who uses his money to hang out (or even marry) drop dead gorgeous, but younger girls.

Do you know the term "cougar?" She is an older woman who dates younger guys. She may or may not be rich.

So combine a sugar daddy with a cougar and you get a sugar mama. She is basically looking for her boy toy either because men her age are already married or are divorced with children with all kinds of issues that they have paying for child support and the mid life crisis that often turns them into cynics. These women want no drama, just studs to have a good time.

So how can you get one of them?

I spoke to a few women like that and they all mentioned good physique as their #1 requirement. They also do not have much need for men in sneakers and baseball caps who look more like the men that deliver their laundry. They want men that literally step out of a GQ magazine. You don't need to have the money, but you better be interesting, have a sense of humor, and have no attitude.