Caroline writes, "I have a boyfriend but I have a really serious crush on a guy 9 years younger than me. I can't get him out of my thoughts! I've caught him looking at me a number of times and checking me out. He also stays quite close to me when we discuss things. Or I could be super-aware of his presence that I feel him as close. I really like his eyes; they're so intense and he maintains eye contact with me when he speaks with me; he never looks away unless he's showing me something. I sometimes wonder if he likes me back but I could be reading too much into it. He's probably just paying close attention to our conversations and that's it. I'm afraid that if I read too much into his actions that are innocent and mean nothing to him at all then I might be putting our cordial professional relationship at risk! How do I stop reading too much into his actions? How do I get over this crush? How do I stop thinking about him? I help him at work so there's no escape really. He's funny, friendly and so easy to talk to. I can tell other girls are comfy around him too. I also heard he's working on dating someone, so his attentions are elsewhere but my hopeful, dumb heart wonders, does he like me back? Then I feel I could get really intimate with him at all levels! All these crazy thoughts! I don't want to be affected by him anymore. How do I free myself from this? Your suggestions would be highly appreciated."

As I read your email, what I am reading between the lines is that you may not really want to get over this crush. Am I wrong?

How to crush a crush?

If you want to get over this crush you have to see it in the context of your current relationship. How will you feel if your boyfriend was fantasizing about other girls? Will you not feel terrible and even consider dumping him? So put yourself in his shoes and that will help you get rid of all those temptations that you are having towards this cute guy.

Having said that, if your current relationship is not so serious, I would suggest that you yield to the temptation and see what happens. Maybe the feeling is mutual or maybe you read it all wrong and that is just his style. So start some flirting and see where that goes, but keep me in the loop.

Mark wanted to share a love letter that he wrote to a woman that he has admired for a long time, even has had a crush for years, but never got the courage to even approach her.

"I have been for quite a while figuring out how to write to you, especially a love letter. My mind tells me - to love someone, you need to know each other. But you know I have some times fallen in love without even knowing the name. A glance, a quick look and boom! - I am doomed for good. I try not to think about your face, as I rarely get chance to see it. Instead, I see you as if I were standing right behind you, like an invisible spirit. I tell to myself, "What a wonderful woman!" So many special experiences and what a simple manner to view life. I could swear I have heard your voice whispering the stories to my ear. You have such a unique way to dress and walk. I admire that in a woman, and I admire that in you. I believe people when they say you are beautiful, but for me, that is not just enough. Physical beauty fades with time. Only the beauty of the soul lives forever. When you have a beautiful soul, it transpires to the physical body. This is the sensuality that can be perceived, that can be felt, smelled and tasted, with just one look. I just wanted to write you these lines. I bet many people have written to you many beautiful letters. But I assure you that my words are true to my nature - simple. Life should be simple. Love should be simple. Intimate life should be....well, that's another story!”

Carol writes, "A high school crush that I thought was ready to be my husband, he just called me a fatal attraction when he came to visit last weekend. We hung out and he told me that he loved me and was happy that I still had such strong feelings for him after all this time. He also told me he kinda has a GF. I was thinking of spending some time with him to figure out if we could revive our relationship, he told me that if I go visit him I gotta pretend to be his cousin. I am so hurt. God I'm so stupid; that's what I get for loving a man. I'm gonna tell the guy that I don't want him in my life any more. I can't hold on to him or my feelings for its pointless. I do love my current BF, we are happy, we gonna get married, have kids and be happy. I can't keep hoping that he will want me. I have somebody who does want me and cares for and wants me to be happy. Yes, we have issues and he has a little temper but so what? I don't care. I love him and that's all it takes."

That is perfect. It is nice to have clarity in your mind and be prepared to face the consequences. After all, who does not take risks and face the music later on. I admire your courage to take this decision because it turns out that highschool crush is basically NOT AVAILABLE to you -- he is already taken.

Expecting him to leave his GF and accept you in his life is asking for too much.

Veronica writes, "I was just wondering if you could help me out. In highschool I had the biggest crush on this guy and I continue to this day. I will still do anything for him no matter what it is even though I'm with my boyfriend of three years (who by the way often mistreats me). I ran into him two years ago when he came to visit and I felt like I was in high school again. All these feelings from the past came back. Even though we can't be together (he is also in a serious relationship) I would rather have him in my life somehow. I really him love almost the same, if not more, then I love my BF. I am torn. I have been in love with him for 6 years now. I refuse to let him go. He says he feels the same way. I just want some advice please on what to do next and how to proceed forward."

As you know very well, I am not a big fan of a man if he mistreats you.

Based on what you tell me, I am not 100% sure that this new man is completely devoted to you at this point and would want you as a girlfriend (it is not easy to simply walk away from a steady girlfriend when you run into your high school crush). Having said, that when he sees you with another man he is probably holding back his feelings for you.

I would suggest that you pack your bags and go spend some time with your newly found love. See where he is at and if he feels as strongly about you as you do and if you two can have a future together. Do not go with the intention of moving in with him but definitely you two need to figure out if you both want the same things, and if so, how to make it happen. Just tell your current boyfriend that you are going to see some girl friend from college

I have a crush on a younger man

Natalie writes, "I had asked one of the men at my church about a landscaper to care for the property that I bought; he did not know anyone; yet, when the spring came and I asked again, the man without hesitation mentioned "the man" whom he has known since he joined the church (over 15 years!). I met the landscaper. I fell in love with him after he called me several times and we talked for over an hour - not about landscaping but about each other. He told me that he was not married, his age 44 and that he never wanted to have children and that he is the youngest of of 15 children. I felt a connection. I had no intention of falling in love after my divorce and raising my son but I did fall for this man, even though, I am 55. I never told him my age. People think that I am in my 40's because of my looks and the way that I dress. After a few months, the calls stopped. I do not know if it was because after the man saw my son and did the math, he assumed that I am older that he or if it was because I left a message telling him that I wanted to talk to him about something that was personal. Whatever the reason, I nearly went "off" and I had never, ever felt about any man the way that I felt about him! Every phone ring I thought it was him calling! At the church, I was always looking around for him! I was not until months later (almost a year) when he, finally, called and he told me that he has been seeing a "special lady" for some time. I have had some family and friends praying for me to get over this man because somethings is not right! The man and I never even got to first base before he backed away and "disappeared"! Thankfully, there are no more sleepless nights, no more waiting for the phone to ring, no hopes of any type of relationship with him but I still do love him. My son said that in time he will only be memory and the man was not meant for me. My questions are...why would a man reveal so much of himself if he didn't care about the woman because he told me things about himself that I would not have revealed until later in a true relationship? Why would a man act the way that he did, that is avoiding that phone calls and refusing to address any personal questions that I had? (He did not know what I was going to ask him anyway!) How do I deal with seeing the guy with his "special lady" now that he has started bringing her to the church as I am trying to heal from what could have been. Could the age difference be a factor and he was not man enough to say it? Did my wanting to talk to him scare him off? This whole situation has really sidelined me - for nearly a year! I will not trust my heart ever again. I have been hurt twice and I am determined that there not be a strike three!"

A few things could have happened. One, as you guess, once he guessed your age, he decided that you were too "old" for him. I have heard from hundreds of men and women who love dating someone older or younger but many people just want the traditional a few years difference type of relationship, no matter how much more compatible they might be someone older or younger.

The other possibility is that you simply had a crush on him and he didn't. You liked him but he did not like you as much and after a few phone calls he figured out that you were not really made for each other. In any case, he should have returned your call and told you something, but there is a possibility that he did not think much about you and thought of you just someone that he casually chatted with a few times and moved on. Who knows he was talking to several women at the same time and it is no big deal for him to talk to yet another woman and then forget about it.

Now it seems that he found a woman that he is probably in love with.

To be very honest, unless you haven't told me the whole story, you and he never went on a date and had no relationship to speak of. I mean I might go to a chat room and just chat with someone and share all kinds of stories for a few weeks or months but then the woman would even delete her chat account. I cannot really feel that she and I had a relationship.

Regarding your point that he told you very intimate details, trust me, it is just a personality thing for some people. I have sat next to people on a plane who will tell me more than I ever want to know about someone's personal life. People will share amazing things with you in an anonymous online chat; things that I might not even share to my wife.

In summary, you took the whole thing way too seriously, while for him his chats with you were just casual conversations at one point in time. And maybe he was not man enough to politely tell you that he is not interested in a relationship with you and wish you good luck, but maybe, he just didn't care about the whole thing.

It is in your best interest to think of him the way he thought of it. If you do not want to see him again, it is understandable, and you should try to change your church.

I would still like you to trust your heart and still try to find the man that you want. There are really wonderful men out there who would love to date someone like you. Having said that, as would even a young woman, you will meet all kinds of men along the way, and some will not like you for your age or looks or whatever. They have a right to choose what they want in a woman as you do too. It is best not to take that personally and simply move on to the next one.