So often it appears as if the nice guys finish last and the smooth-talking loser gets the girl. It turns out that it is yet another myth in the world of dating.

A new study says girls choose geniuses over dumb jocks not just for one night stands but also for long term relationships. Why would that be? Remember that whether they know it or not, women are always looking for a reliable, stable, financially secure father for their child, and it does not matter how cute or charming or funny a man is, if he is incapable of providing for her and her baby, she is not interested in him.

So all those shy nerds and geeks, it is no longer necessary for you to try to be what you are not and instead just be the smart and intelligent man that you are. Use your knowledge and intelligence to impress her with your intellect, and trust me, she will be yours. And then a nice guy can finish first.

Yesterday I published the story of a man who says "Cougars want me." Indeed they do a lot these days because I keep hearing stories from both men and women in relationships with huge age gaps. Today I have heard from one of these cougars.

Samantha writes, "I am 63 (though I am often told that I look 45) and my new boyfriend is just 30. In an attempt to discover the current consensus regarding this subject of older women dating younger guys, I discovered your site and found the questions, and especially, your responses helpful and a confirmation of my own philosophy. I've usually gone out with younger men. My first husband, and father of my 2 grownup sons, was 6 years younger than me, and my second husband was 15 years younger. My most recent boyfriend (10 years younger) and I broke up more than a year ago. I was not planning to find another man until I got myself "together" in various areas. I met this man through work, but don't work with him and have known him for 2 years. He has 2 young children. The only problem, it appears, with this relationship and some of the others mentioned on your site, is the response of other people. I don't care about those other people. However, I don't show intimate affection in public (but I never did). So unless they know us personally, they're going to wonder and guess and come to their own conclusions about the nature of our relationship no matter what is or isn't in the public eye. My philosophy is "be here now," "go with the flow," etc. I'm not interested in getting married again to anyone ever. I'm active, go to the gym, still work, write, camp, hike, enjoy my grandchildren, don't smoke or drink and really enjoy my life. My new man is an added bonus and his age is not a factor for me. what is a factor is that we both enjoy pretty much the same things. We talk for hours about everything, sex is great, and we're both enjoying discovering each other and ourselves. My advice to some of those others is "don't sweat the small stuff." We are all the future and we can change perceptions and break barriers by being true to ourselves. By the way, it takes practice and time to do that. One step at a time. Enjoy the ride!"

I do admire your attitude.I think a lot of men and women in your situation could learn from your experience. Prior to responding to you, I wrote to a man minutes ago who is worried what would his parents think of him dating an older woman.

I think we all get too hung up on education, job, age, social status, looks, etc., that we forget that what makes us happy and our relationships successful is if two people are compatible emotionally and spiritually and that can happen no matter what the age difference. I know many couples who live in horrible relationships, but guess what, they are the same age and are "perfect" in all other respects.

Phillip, a 22-year old writes, "I have noticed that older women around 30 or older are paying me some attention. My height probably attracts them. It seems strange and I do not wish to be taken advantage of. How should I view this? How does this affect my relationship with my parents?"

I am not surprised at all. As the trend becomes more mainstream and everyone gets comfortable with the idea of of an older woman with a younger man, it is no longer scandalous to flirt with a younger male and even to date him. In other words, these women want to find if you are interested in dating them, probably not even thinking what your age is.

Personally I have always believed that the "person" should be the #1 priority while dating. You could end up with a really incompatible person but that person could be your age. On the contrary, a person with a huge age gap might be the perfect partner for you. So look for the person and forget the age; you will make better dating choices.

Regarding your parents, I do not know enough to comment, but any reasonable parent will support the decision of their child, if that person make him happy.

It is not just the celebrities that are assuming the role of cougars. Ordinary women that you see every day are finding love with younger men.

Kathleen, a 44-year old and a mother of a teenage son, too has fallen in love with a man who is just 24. "I met him a year ago. I thought he was so handsome and there seemed to be something special about him, but I didn't think he would want to date someone my age. We talked on the phone for a year and really developed a mental bond. He is intelligent, has good morals and values, is spiritual, and has everything that a woman could dream of. I didn't intend to fall in love with him but I have and I think the age difference is an issue. I tried not to think that at first, but after talking to him, he wants kids and I think he is a bit apprehensive about what his family will think. He has never brought up taking me around any of his friends or family which makes me feel like I am some kinda secret. Although he has indicated to me he "told" his family about me. My family would accept him if I'm happy with him. I am at a crossroads now. I love him but I am seeing some maturity issues, rather lack thereof, and I'm wondering if I should jump ship now before I get hurt. I know this guy cares for me, he tells me he loves me, and our lovemaking is phenomenal. I seem to attract younger men because I look 35, not 45, and I have a young spirit. I don't want to let him go, but I don't know if I should move forward either. Please help."

I advise a lot of women and couples in similar situations and it is important to understand that it is nothing unusual and most couples do just fine despite the age gap.

Now in your specific case, remember that at your age, it is not easy to get pregnant and have a healthy child, unless you choose donor eggs. There is a very low probability of getting pregnant naturally and still have a healthy baby but you both need to understand that the possibility is less than 5%.

I am also a little concerned that he has not bothered to declare what he has been up to. As you suspect, maybe you are just his secret relationship, and I wouldn't be surprised if he has simply told his family that he is dating someone rather than giving them all the details like your age and the fact that you are a mom to a teenager.

I do not think you should breakup right now. Give him a chance to take things to the next level. Like introductions to friends and family and discuss what is next for you both. It is also important to think about out what is it that you want from him and this relationship. A boy toy for a while or someone you want to marry? If you and him do not share the same future for the relationship, then it is best to end it sooner rather than later.

I wrote previously about life after divorce for men. What many people fail to realize is that men too suffer from a divorce, often a lot more than women do. Many men simply do not have the coping mechanisms that women have developed over centuries of evolution.

Arthur is one of these men who is having a very difficult time with his divorce. "I just recently went through a divorce that I never wanted. I have placed the blame squarely on me and now I have so much guilt that I don't even know how to begin getting over it. I do know that it takes two to tango and now that I have taken the time to look back at things, she is also at fault, but when we talk about things she refuses to even admit that she had any part in this. With that being said, I have still taken the blame for everything. How does one put all the BS behind and start living again?" he asks.

First of all, it is best not to dwell over this issue with your ex and try to figure out what went wrong (the time to do anything is long gone). Your divorce is a done deal and it is best that you move on and so should she. Having said that, it is good to reflect briefly on your past to learn the lessons that will come handy in the future.

Secondly, life is about the future. There is nothing that you can do about the past but you can do amazing things with your future. Think about your life ahead and how you can change it to your liking.

Third, start to focus on your hobbies and develop a simple timeline to do things that you had always wanted to do but couldn't find the time to do them (it could have been a hobby that she hated or places that you wanted to visit but she did not or something else). It is also a good idea to develop a new circle of friends as you might have lost some due to the divorce and there will be occasions where you may not be welcome any more because you are now single.

And finally, I always recommend that one not jump into a relationship right away or even date for the first 3-6 months. So enjoy your single life for a while and rediscover what you really want from the rest of your life. Trust me, if you are a good man, there are a lot of wonderful women out there dying to find you.

Stephen writes, "My girlfriend just broke up with me. We had been going out for three years and I was certain that she was the one (I even started looking for engagement rings). We were going to move to California, where she was going to go to graduate school. All of a sudden, she freaks out and says that she wants to take a break to see what else is out there, and to "live a little" because she felt that we were "losing our identities." She says she still loves me but that she needs space and that we will see what happens (one of those "if it's meant to be..."). I have a false hope that she will get back with me after she realizes her mistake, but i can't deal with this overwhelming sadness and the urge to be an obsessive ex. Please help! I love her so much but this is killing me."

What can you do when you girlfriend does not want to get married?

It is often the case that when the moment of truth comes many women and men freak out. Marriage is a big commitment and it can scare both men and women. That is what is happening to her.

Another possibility is that she was never convinced that you were the man for life for her. She stayed with you till she was able to confirm that feeling or that she really did not have an option or that she was waiting for an opportunity to breakup or was just too timid to say what she really felt. She thinks that by committing to something more than just dating, she might not be able to have fun and may have to get married when she really does not want and that too with a man she is not so sure of.

Not fair to you by any means but definitely not unusual, especially among younger people.

The right thing for you to do is to move on. Trust me if you are a nice guy (appears that you are), many girls will love to have you as a husband and you should have no trouble finding that lucky girl. If this ex of yours does not appreciate what you have in mind for her and your life together, she is the unlucky one and not to be pursued by you against her will.

My personal recommendation is to let her move on too and you shouldn't even send her a card during the holidays. Just retain the sweet memories of the relationship but start dating again. I am hopeful that in no time you might find that for great guys there are always lots of great girls.

After having a series of relationships with men who did not know how to treat a woman right, Mandy found a boyfriend, but with a problem: dating but no commitment to marry. "He was once married and has three kids. He also had an affair with a another woman (while married and that is what led to divorce) and has a baby from this woman. But when I met him that was no problem because before all the guys I met were jerks. The problem is now we are in to each other so much, and we are happy that we are together but he is afraid that if our relationship went further then we have to get married but he is afraid that things my not work out and lead to divorce again. For me he is the only guy who has ever treated me well and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. What can I do? What can I say to show though that not all women are like his previous relationships and we can be married forever?" she asks.

I understand your situation and that is why I think that this is not the best man for you. Why? Yes, he may be a nice guy but he has a lot of baggage with him. Four kids from two women? Yes, he will be too busy paying child support that he will not have time for you or money to pay for his children with you.

Plus, men who have gone through divorces and breakups often become cynical about relationships in general and that is what you are seeing with him.

I can understand why you are attracted to him because he is the first man that has treated you like a lady but I also know that there are other good men out there that are gentlemen but have no baggage.

I don't think you should breakup with him right away but it is a bad idea to dream of a wedding with him.

Previously I gave dating tips for teenagers and in response to a question, I gave more specifics tips on dating for shy teenagers.

Well, Michael benefited from both articles but still wrote to ask more specific questions. "I am a 17 year old highschool student, and well, I haven't had a girlfriend in my life. Nowadays in highschool, I would say that 8 out of 10 women you know have blonde or brown hair and do what they can to make their chests stick out. Well, those kind of women don't do it for me. I find that I would rather be in a relationship with a woman I can stand to be with and I am attracted to rather than dating one of those airheads and be miserable. To be honest I am more attracted to average women rather than the model types. But my real question is well I am not really Mr. Handsome that makes every women fall in love instantaneously. I would have to say my looks are only average if not most likly below average. So one of my questions is How important are looks to a woman? Also what are some ways I can approach her, and well, what if she finds out I have never been with a girl before?"

Well, I do admire you for your philosophy that you only want to go out because you are genuinely interested rather than trying to be with the most popular girl even if it means that you are miserable in the relationship and she treats you like an accessory.

Do looks matter to girls?

Now, in high school, the game works differently. There are the popular guys that are great at sports or have some other talent and girls dream of being with them. But in reality it is such a small group. That leaves a lot of guys and girls in the other group. Guys like you who are not the most handsome or great at sports or members of a band or driving a sports car. Similarly, there are girls who do not have the model-body or the most expensive clothes or a BMW to drive.

In other words, you have a huge pool of girls to choose from. Honestly, based on what we are finding out, looks are actually only a second thought to girls, if the guy is otherwise reliable, trustworthy, and fun to be with. Obviously, each girl has a type of guy that she likes and you will just need to keep trying till you meet that special someone. So start off by approaching the girls that are definitely single. Trust me these girls go to bed every night wondering why no guy asks them out.

How to approach a girl in high school?

There are many ways to approach a girl but since you are in school, a great way to do is to ask for help. Everyone likes to help. So first find out what is she good at and ask if she wants to study together since you need help in that area. That is a great way to get to know each other without the pressure of asking out someone on a date and getting rejected. When you do something related to school together you can be yourself, find out if she is really what you thought she was, and test if you have chemistry. Then at some point, you can simply suggest, "Hey, I like hanging out with you. Maybe we should go out this weekend!"

You might still be rejected or make a wrong choice or whatever, but the key is to keep trying and not give up.

I have never dated before; is that a problem?

Now to your final question about not being with a girl before. It is not an issue because you are still so young. Many parents can be strict, some guys simply don't find the right girl, or are too busy with grades -- there are a million reasons why a 17-year old has never had a girlfriend. Some girls appreciate it because they know that you will give everything to her, while others might think that no girl ever liked you and that is why you never had a girlfriend. I think the right response to a question on this issue is the one that you gave me. Say something like "I find that I would rather be in a relationship with a woman I can stand to be with and I am attracted to rather than just date someone because she is popular or good-looking. I want to be with you because you meet my high standards. " Trust me she will love hearing that.

We often assume that only women have self-esteem issues, that they are the ones that keep beating them up for not having perfect bodies. Men too can have low self esteem and lack confidence.

Michael is one such man and he honestly shared his fears with me. "About my looks I am not really sure. Most of my friends are, well, guys I have known for a long time. I have my older sisters and they are all telling me I look good. But can you really trust family with this stuff? And again I am a well-built guy. I don't go to the gym every day. So I am really not sure where I stand, but if you ask me I may be standing on the line of average or below. So if looks are what a girl thinks about, I am not sure if I am still in trouble or what?" he asks.

Related articles

How to develop positive body image

How to project the right body image

How not to feel bad about your body

Well, first of all, it seems that so many people can't be wrong. If they think you look good, you probably do.

Secondly, even an average guy or girl can look great if you groom yourself properly. Have you seen those girls in the mall that show up in those baggy Tshirts and sweatpants? I hate 'em but I often see that they have great bodies and attractive faces. Still, I am not drawn to them at all. On the other hand, every man is attracted to a girl that makes an effort to put an outfit together and applies makeup the right way.

I don't know if you are the type who wears "whatever," but it is time to change that and girls will notice. Some simple changes like hairstyle, clothes, shoes, and accessories make a huge difference. Wear what you like and feel comfortable in, rather than trying to be someone you are not, but you should look put it all together, in contrast to getting out of bed and simply showing up at a party like that.

And finally, if average guy had no chances, then 90% of men will be single. That is not the case, as you well know. I am an average looking guy like you but am married to a very pretty woman (and have always dated reasonably good looking girls) who loves me for who I am. I pay attention when girls talk, I keep my promises, I show them respect, and I make them feel special. I don't drive an expensive car or tell great jokes or am the life of a party or have anything that makes me really stand out, but so are most girls.

So buddy, just raise your confidence, and don't obsess over your looks. Go ahead and do it -- trust me, it will be easier than you think and there are probably girls out there that keep wondering why you never even approached them.

Angela, a 50 year old woman is dating a 34-year old man for over three years. "Recently he started drinking heavily as he always had, then he started staying out late, then he met a woman and started talking to her via phone. He promised me he wouldn't talk to her anymore, because he didn't want to jeopardize our relationship. Now he tell me he needs time away to think things out. What is happening to my boyfriend? He says he loves me. Please advise," she writes.

First of all, as I read your story, I think it has nothing to do with an older woman dating a younger man. It is just yet another couple having a problem in their relationship.

When a relationship becomes serious and reaches a point where a man or a woman has to make that decision about its long-term future, a lot of people have serious doubts about it. The high rate of divorce has definitely put many men (and women) on alert about marriage and that too with a woman who is incapable of becoming pregnant (indeed, he should have thought of this before starting to date you, but not everyone gets everything right and many men do not realize that a relationship with a mature woman will actually last 3 years).

Men also become more critical about relationships, look at all the things that are not perfect about it, and then try to find ways to escape. I think your boyfriend is at that stage. He probably would be at the same stage even if you were 34 or younger.

My advice to you would be to give him the time that he needs to think things out. Agree on a time frame, say 30 days, so that you don't keep waiting forever while he is still dealing with his issues. If a person cannot decide things like this in a reasonable period of time, this person is not reasonable any way. During this time, be there for him but assure him that you are not some desperate woman who needs him even if he doesn't. Be confident and proud of who you are but also show him that you love him too, appreciate the relationship, and would want it to work out.

Robert, a man in his mid-50s interested in dating a younger girl. He asks, "What are some good dating websites for young women looking for older men?"

I don't like to personally recommend any website because I have not had the chance to try it myself (I am a happily married to a woman slightly older to me; thank you very much) but what I tell people is that they can use any good dating website and indicate what they are looking for in their personal ad. You can also do a Google search (for terms like Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mama or cougar dating or mature dating) and find some so-called specialty websites but I am skeptical of them because they do not have enough members or often have girls who just want your money. Many of them are actually escorts or prostitutes or want to become a mistress rather that real girls looking for a solid relationship.

Of course, I also like you to join to the completely free dating website that I am building.

I wrote previously about sex on a first date, which I think should be done only if everything is going great and it is the most natural thing to do. But first date is just so tough for both parties but it is also the moment to make or break a potential relationship.

So since first impressions count, it is important to remember a few simple things, though, I agree that you still be yourself without getting bogged down with what is right. What I mean is that if your favorite drink is beer, then don't pretend to like wine just because you want to make a good impression, but then don't drink six beers and start talking nonsense after that. Here are some great tips from matchmaking goddess Samantha Daniels.

John Fitzgerald Page is a highly successful man, who also looks great. Unfortunately, humility is not one of the things that he values.

From the fiasco in his case, there are a few important lessons regarding talking to potential dates you meet online (if you are single, please join our completely free dating website):

1. Be polite even if you have not met the other person yet.
2. Be careful what you write; it may come to bite you.
3. Mean people don't find love; they just end up meeting jerks.

The topic of office romance is a very relevant one since we spend so much time at work these days. Due to legal issues, most companies have put policies in place so that office romance can hurt you. Despite that women often write How to seduce my boss and men fantasize about seducing their secretaries. Teachers and students too have relationships in universities. However, as Paul Wolfowitz found out, dating your colleagues is risky.

These policies have been written by management and the legal department but that is not how the employees feel. An online survey by CareerBuilder found a significant drop in the number of workers who are keeping an office romance a secret, down from 46 percent in 2005 to 34 percent in 2007. About half of workers say they have dated a co-worker. By the way, if you are single, try our free dating website.

While there is a rationale for dating your coworkers I still have problems with it even if your employer does not ban it or even encourages it. In the workplace, we already find that people have their favorites and that often causes unfair outcomes during promotion and bonuses. Once we know that someone is dating a boss or an assistant, it makes everyone else look at them with a bias that they are not going to be able to take fair decisions.

Plus, once you breakup, it is hard to get any work done. In other words, it is best for everyone that you simply do not date your colleagues.

What is wrong with this picture? Absolutely nothing. Actually, this photo of Heidi Klum and Seal is a great example of how interracial relationships can work and there is nothing wrong with checking out a man of a different race.

Not so for one of my readers, who I think has some racial prejudices of her own, and of course, she confirms that her parents are racists. "I met this guy as a family friend and I tried to hold off dating him as he is 20 and I am 25. He is also black but was brought up by a white family so he speaks well and he is practically white! But with these two issues being there I really do find myself heavily attracted to him. I have no problem being in public with him and showing affection but my problem comes in with the family as I am living with them and I am not sure if they would approve of our relationship! My parents stay in another city but one thing they said to me was I must never bring a black guy home. I am afraid that they will not accept this and it would put strain on the relationship! I'm considering telling them as he is really a great guy. It is just he is younger and of different colour. How do I tell them without their freaking out?" she asks.

You are an adult and you have to stand up for your choices now. I don't necessarily recommend picking fights with family members but it appears that your parents are racists.

You have an important decision to make now - How much do you love this man? If you are serious about this man, then you need to stand up for your choice and tell your parents that racism is not right and you do not approve of their thinking. Tell them politely that you love this man and his skin color has no role whatsoever in how you feel about him.

If you think that it is only a casual relationship and not worth spoiling family harmony, it is OK to breakup with him right away. You can simply tell him that you want to end the relationship - telling him that you are breaking up because of his skin color is not appropriate.

In the future, before you want to date a man, you must also think about your choice. Do you want to date someone you like or do you want to date someone that your parents like?

Finally, a 5-year age difference is not relevant. You guys are in the same age bracket; couples today are dating across generations and a couple has tied the knot with a 58-year age gap.

While many older women now date younger men and it does not raise many eyebrows these days, men have traditionally married women their age or younger than them. Some of it had to do with the fact that men are fertile much longer while women find it hard to be pregnant as they get older and it is nearly impossible for them to have a healthy child in their 40s. Here is more information on the reasons why men choose younger women.

If you are having difficulty finding love, there may be nothing wrong with you - in a world where everyone can be choosy, you probably live in a place where there just aren't enough people to choose from. A very clever solution is try to try online dating. Then the world is your potential market, provided you are somewhat open-minded about race, skin color, etc.

By the way, if you are still single, you are welcome to join our completely free dating website.

With Internet dating, you simply create an interesting profile, put photos and video, hang out in the chat rooms, and then respond to people who approach you. If you are a man, I also encourage you to approach men and women that interest you. While you do not have to start your personal website or blog, it is not a bad idea to do so since you will attract even more prospects. That is exactly what Allan Wills did and eventually found a great relationship. Here is a video of his story.

What do men want in women?

Women definitely want to find out what a man wants. The answer is not an easy one because these are as many things that men are looking for as there are men, but regardless, certain traits are common for all men. Indeed, when it comes to men seeking out women, good looks are a good starting point but from then on men are looking for the same things that women are looking for: confidence, sense of humor, good company, good habits, etc. (Related: What do women want from their husbands?)

It is fairly obvious that modern men no longer look at women to be homemakers (and accordingly have traits that will help them become those); they are looking for life-long companions that will be interesting, fun to be around, and be their friends. Watch this video to find out what men really want.