My sister-in-law got a divorce. While I had a great relationship with her ex-husband (as far as I was concerned, he was a great guy), when the process moved forward, I had no choice but to be on the side of sister-in-law. I had to stop all communication with him because having even a casual acquaintance with him would have hurt my sister-in-law. A few years later they have a horrible relationship and often face problems while raising their 3 daughters. Sometimes I just wonder if I could pick up the phone or have a beer with her ex and help him better deal with the problems that they have because they do not even look at each other any more (they only communicate through their children). Here is a great video of Jill Brooke and Julie Chen that talks about divorce and relationships without choosing sides.

It is not just Bruce Willis and Demi Moore who get it right - be able to look into each others eyes and smile even after a divorce or breakup. Others can do it too. It just requires more class.

I have been helping Melissa who broke up with her girlfriend after she complained about her not being warm about the relationship. They broke up and Melissa has decided to change certain things about herself. She wrote her ex a polite letter and thought that was it.

But no. She actually got a call from her ex. "My ex and I hung out (Revive relationship with an ex) all weekend and as it turns out we make much better friends than girlfriends. It was really wonderful to be able to talk, hug, and laugh together. We still love each other, just in a more healthy way now. It has been difficult for us to get to this point, and we have both made mistakes, but we have honestly forgiven each other without holding any resentment. I am having more fun being single than I ever have when I’m in a relationship. I lose all the good parts of myself when I start seriously dating someone. I don’t want that to happen again. There are things I need to change about myself before I will be ready to be with someone again. I know I need to love myself or at least accept myself, before anyone else can really truly love me."

What a great attitude! To have a more "mature" after-breakup relationship with your ex. I don't like those breakups when you "hate" the other person and really feel uncomfortable when you run into each other. I often wonder how people who were (supposedly) in love at one time hate each other so much later.

Relationship with your ex is a delicate issue especially if the divorce or the breakup was ugly. The feelings are even more bitter when it was a result of adultery or dispute over money. But is it a good idea to talk bad about your ex (think Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards here)?

Maybe the answer is provided by Uma Thurman (who coincidentally also stars in "My super ex-girlfriend."). In several interviews she has admitted that she had a bad marriage (and so has Teri Hatcher) with Ethan Hawke and there are some reports that he may have cheated on her, but in an interview in Parade, she says that she does not believe in being critical about her ex-husband. (Related: Should I go back to my ex?)

"I think it's fair to say that I haven't said one mean thing, and I'm not going to start now. It's terrible for my family," she said. "I'm just another American woman who was in an unfulfilled marriage that fell apart," she added.

Indeed, not every one has a perfect marriage and many of us are lonely and depressed in our relationships. Some of us even choose to end our relationships and move on, but friendship with your ex is generally a good idea.

By Imfwama Wotela

When women have to make a choice about taking their Ex back, they often have a difficult time separating emotions from reason. Since it is never a good idea to take a risk twice, it is best if you think clearly this time what is the best course of action. (Related article: Should you take your Ex back?)

It’s important that you realize that life must go on and there are certain things that you do not want to go back to. Reason being that it may weigh you down and take you backward, and even worse, history repeating itself, particularly if you ended the relationship because it was abusive. I don’t think you want to walk that road again. It’s true we all deserve a second chance but be careful how you apply this very vital principle into your life. (Related article: What is the purpose of life?)

It’s always important that you know the reasons why you are making certain choices. Always ask yourself questions as they help lead to answers that help you to make better decisions. Also always tell yourself that you deserve the best out of life and that it’s always good to have new experiences. If you had given this same man 10 years of your life and he messed them up, what guarantee do you have that if you gave him another 15 years of your productive life, that he will not do the same (Go back to ex). Yes, there are chances that love can work out a second time with the same person and these thoughts are not to discourage you or to make you have a vengeful spirit, but it is to help you to think more carefully and not fall into the same pitfall.

Here are a few questions that you should ask so that you can come up with an answer to your dilemma:

• Have I failed to find somebody else who can appreciate me?
• Do I still love him?
• Am I ready for him now?
• Have we sorted out our differences now?
• Can we now agree on the future?
• How sure am I that it is love and not pity?
• Have I really forgiven him?
• Is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?
• Is it because the kids miss their dad? Is it for mine or the kid’s sake?
• Am I able to put the past behind us and start again with him or without him?

A person’s life is very precious and always remember that the part you will give and also the time you give will never get it back if you give it out to the wrong person. It is just the same when you give or lend out anything it will never come back the same because people will not always handle your things the way you do because we are all different and do things differently. What may be precious to you might not be so for the next person. (Related article: Do you know the true purpose of your life?)

It took you a while for you to repair your life, to heal and move on without him. Are you prepared to undo all the hard work for the sake of one person who almost destroyed you at one time? You really need to think deeply about this. You only have one life and you can’t risk it all. Neither can you use the last part of it for experiments anymore. You now need to live it to the full because now you are wiser and have learnt from your mistakes and it’s a time for better things. After considering the above you can now answer the question: do I take him back or not? The only one to answer this is you.

Recommended article: How to find the right friends and how to evaluate their friendship?

Friendship with ex-wife: Good idea!

Mark writes, "I've been divorced for two years. My ex-wife and I are still friends and although we don't talk all the time, maybe twice a month at the most, my new and potentially serious girlfriend has a huge issue with it. She has met her and knows that there is no way that we would ever re-connect. My ex and I have made it a point to remain friends after all that we've been through and yet it makes my present girlfriend extremely uncomfortable and jealous. Is this a case of jealousy that will never go away? What do I do? I really care for both and on some level I don't want to break either relationship off. Any suggestions?"

1. Americans better get used to the new reality. With 50% divorce rates, we already have situations where it is hard to keep track of all the complex marital situations and who is father/mother of what child. So the bottomline is that couples will continue to be divorced and divorces will become increasingly less bitter. That means that couples will stay friends, rather than turn into bitter enemies. So if you are going to date a divorcee, you better get used to seeing the exes once in a while and your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband maintaining a mature friendship with the ex.
2. We at LuvCube.com believe that even after marriage, each partner should be allowed to have good friends of both sexes. The spouse does not have to be friends with all of these folks. It is actually good for both partners and for the relationship. In fact, our research has found that when a partner has a close friend of the opposite sex with whom s/he can share almost anything, the relationship with the spouse improves. There are things that you can never talk to your spouse about without getting personal about it. With a friend, it is much easier to discuss such things and get objective feedback/suggestions/ guidance. For example, if I tell my wife that she is starting to get fat and is no longer as pretty as she used to be, we will probably have a divorce. However, I can, and do, tell a friend and she will actually appreciate it.
3. If this woman is so jealous now, things will only get worse when you marry her. She will feel more right over you and would not want you to be seen with any other woman at all. Not a good situation to be in.
4. It seems that you have a good friendly relationship with your ex-wife. And that is the way it should be. After all, for God's sake, she was your wife at one time and you loved her. You have every right to be friends with her and as long as you give all your love to the next woman, she has no business to tell you who you are friends with. (Related: Should I go back to my ex?)
   
5. My advice: You might want to tell your girlfriend what your thoughts are, lay out all the facts, and hold your position. If she wants to leave, let her go. You will surely find someone who is a bit more open-minded than this.
   

Related reading

Dating after divorce

Cheating and divorce

Emotions after divorce

Impact of divorce on families