Jessica writes, "Before I got married I had been secretly dating this married man and I loved him so much but unfortunately I got pregnant with my boyfriend's baby and I got married to my boyfriend but never loved him like this married man. Now I have two kids but I still love this married man very much and I wish we could continue our relationship because I really don't love my hubby. I need your advice."

How to approach a married ex-boyfriend?

You are in a very precarious situation. The first thing that you have to do is to have a heart-to-heart talk with this married boyfriend of yours to find out if he is willing to leave his wife for you. Many men in such situations are not willing to do so and that is why they have affairs rather than divorce their wives and marry another woman. I am not sure if he will be too thrilled with the idea of leaving his family and marry another woman with two kids. However, if he is ready to marry you, then you can consider a divorce and marry the love of your life. Yes, it will be painful for two people, but at least two of you will be happy.

I can totally understand why you don't love your husband and I am assuming that you have done your best to try to love him. If there is hope you can try to fall in love with your husband. If not, then think about how life will be for you as a single mother and if you can raise two kids on your own. If that is possible, it is a good idea to get a divorce so that you can then focus on finding another man that you can actually love. It is a waste of time to be in a marriage without love.

I would not recommend an extramarital affair with that married man at this point.

Nina, a married woman has been in a 15-year relationship with another married man. It is not a secret and her husband, while very unhappy with the arrangement, is still married to her for the sake of kids. In my conversations with her, I have asked her to end the relationship because she is always frustrated not being able to spend enough time with him and is paranoid that he will leave her some day. She writes, "We went out again last time and had a good time, but again I have not heard from him for several days now. I want to see him. The thing is that when we were together we are able to compromise and resolve our disputes, but when I do not hear from him, I get anxious. Have I gone crazy? This is so confusing."

I think your problem is that you take this extramarital affair too seriously and you shouldn't because you both are married. This is a fling that seems to have lasted for a very long time. Maybe you two are in love but this relationship has no future.

How to have an extra marital affair?

I think if you expect less from him, you both can be happy and still carry on your extramarital affair. I think it is your fervent wish that he act like a husband that creates complications. Maybe it is easy for you to be in touch with him more often but remember that it may not be so easy for him. He has a wife and children to attend to.

While I would really like you to end this, but if you wish to continue, expect less from him and appreciate whatever time and attention you can get from him. That way you will enjoy the time you have with him rather than fighting why he can't spend more time with you.

Emily writes, "My husband and I are otherwise doing good in our marriage, he always cares a lot about me. I think it is me who has the problem that I am not so happy in our marriage. I think I am just lost in the big world. I married my first lover, and I didn't know the feeling of falling in love with others. I found too many good men after marriage. If I have to figure out what's wrong with my husband, I will have to say that having no sense of humor and romance are the only problems with him. I'm just a little bored in this marriage even though it has been just one year. Sometimes it influences our sex life because I do not feel the passion for him in bed and cannot orgasm. I have been told to find a secret lover, but that is not very realistic and I am afraid that people will find out. Most importantly, I wanna find someone who really loves me deeply and I love him. We need to be close friends in spirit; sex is not the only thing I want. I often feel that I am like a small boat in the big sea, so lonely."

Marriages are never perfect

I am glad that you are married to a good man. It is not easy to find a good man like him. Having said that, I also understand how you feel and why you feel that way. It is nearly impossible to marry a person and be satisfied with everything and find everything in one person. In other words, it is a good idea to have a network of close friends that you can interact with so that you can enrich your life.

How to make marriage romantic?

Yes, I can totally appreciate the lack of romance and sense of humor in him; many men are like that and it is not fun to spend time with them, but now that he is your husband, you have no choice. Regarding sense of humor, it is something that some people have or don't from birth and it cannot be acquired by trying, but a man can become romantic if a woman is romantic. What I have found is that if you do romantic things for him, he will appreciate that and then respond. So try it out.

Regarding having another lover, I agree with you that it is impossible to keep it a secret for too long; eventually someone will find out and that can mean a lot of trouble for everyone. So I would advise you to be careful and discreet if you do end up liking a man and want to have an affair.

Kristen writes, "I just read the article about a man keeping in touch with his ex-girlfriends. I felt like I was reading my own words because that is exactly my situation. I have been struggling and trying to cope with the fact that my boyfriend continues to talk to the ex-girlfriend that he cheated on me with and left me for. I don't buy the 'we're just friends' speech. Isn't that how it all starts? I hate it! When does it stop? God is the only one who knows my thoughts and got me through all of it. I'm fighting hard and I feel like I'm better off alone or with somebody who wants to be with just one woman."

I agree with you that any time a man uses that 'she is just a friend' line, he is merely trying to find a cover for his extramarital relationship.

As I keep telling all women in your situation, if this man has not gotten over his ex, he is not that into you -- in other words, let him be with who he wants to be, that is his ex, and you should be with someone -- as you said -- who wants to be with just one woman. I also agree with you that it is better being single than to constantly worry if your man is with one of his exes.

How can I forget my extramarital affair?

A married woman cheats on her hubby and then wants to save her marriage because her married lover did not want to go beyond the fling. She is heartbroken and wants to reveal the secret to his wife to hurt their marriage. When she told me about her plan, I begged her not to do that. Thankfully, she realized her mistake, "I've decided not say anything because it wouldn't be fair to hurt them because of a mistake that we made."

Your focus should be on saving your marriage and if no other marriages are hurt in the process, that will be the best outcome.

And trust me, one can forget almost anything. I mean there are thousands of wonderful things that have happened to me (including relationships with very good women) but right now they are either just sweet memories or I have even forgotten many of the details that I thought will be with me for the rest of my life.

If you focus your mind on something else, it is amazing how life changes.