Jessica writes, "Before I got married I had been secretly dating this married man and I loved him so much but unfortunately I got pregnant with my boyfriend's baby and I got married to my boyfriend but never loved him like this married man. Now I have two kids but I still love this married man very much and I wish we could continue our relationship because I really don't love my hubby. I need your advice."

How to approach a married ex-boyfriend?

You are in a very precarious situation. The first thing that you have to do is to have a heart-to-heart talk with this married boyfriend of yours to find out if he is willing to leave his wife for you. Many men in such situations are not willing to do so and that is why they have affairs rather than divorce their wives and marry another woman. I am not sure if he will be too thrilled with the idea of leaving his family and marry another woman with two kids. However, if he is ready to marry you, then you can consider a divorce and marry the love of your life. Yes, it will be painful for two people, but at least two of you will be happy.

I can totally understand why you don't love your husband and I am assuming that you have done your best to try to love him. If there is hope you can try to fall in love with your husband. If not, then think about how life will be for you as a single mother and if you can raise two kids on your own. If that is possible, it is a good idea to get a divorce so that you can then focus on finding another man that you can actually love. It is a waste of time to be in a marriage without love.

I would not recommend an extramarital affair with that married man at this point.

Dora writes, "My partner and I have been together for six years and we have two young children. He was married before and cheated with me. I felt bad but I never knew his wife. He left her and we started our life together. Now I found e-mails that are very graphic in nature. In these emails he has been telling a girl that he's free weekend nights when he works at a restaurant till about 5 in the morning. I asked him and he said it is just fun on computer that girls find him and try to trick them for his credit card. I don't know what to do. I have a gut feeling something is happening. Or did happen in the past. I'm scared; I really love him. Do I forgive and forget? I just don't know."

Married men looking for sex partners on the Internet

You sound like a smart woman and that is why I don't expect you to believe his BS.

I am a married man myself and spend my whole day on the computer but no girl ever finds me and then talks sexy to me. No, it does not happen. And I think no one with a functioning brain responds to spam messages asking for credit card number in order to talk to girls on the Internet.

The reality is that he is trying to hook up with other girls, or even prostitutes for sex. Now the question that you have to ask him is why is this happening. Is it because he is addicted to sex and is just an unfaithful man or is it that he is sex starved at home?

Many men often find that they are not attracted to moms with young children because they are too tired and do not take care of themselves any more. That is when they start looking for sex elsewhere.

Emily writes, "My husband and I are otherwise doing good in our marriage, he always cares a lot about me. I think it is me who has the problem that I am not so happy in our marriage. I think I am just lost in the big world. I married my first lover, and I didn't know the feeling of falling in love with others. I found too many good men after marriage. If I have to figure out what's wrong with my husband, I will have to say that having no sense of humor and romance are the only problems with him. I'm just a little bored in this marriage even though it has been just one year. Sometimes it influences our sex life because I do not feel the passion for him in bed and cannot orgasm. I have been told to find a secret lover, but that is not very realistic and I am afraid that people will find out. Most importantly, I wanna find someone who really loves me deeply and I love him. We need to be close friends in spirit; sex is not the only thing I want. I often feel that I am like a small boat in the big sea, so lonely."

Marriages are never perfect

I am glad that you are married to a good man. It is not easy to find a good man like him. Having said that, I also understand how you feel and why you feel that way. It is nearly impossible to marry a person and be satisfied with everything and find everything in one person. In other words, it is a good idea to have a network of close friends that you can interact with so that you can enrich your life.

How to make marriage romantic?

Yes, I can totally appreciate the lack of romance and sense of humor in him; many men are like that and it is not fun to spend time with them, but now that he is your husband, you have no choice. Regarding sense of humor, it is something that some people have or don't from birth and it cannot be acquired by trying, but a man can become romantic if a woman is romantic. What I have found is that if you do romantic things for him, he will appreciate that and then respond. So try it out.

Regarding having another lover, I agree with you that it is impossible to keep it a secret for too long; eventually someone will find out and that can mean a lot of trouble for everyone. So I would advise you to be careful and discreet if you do end up liking a man and want to have an affair.

Natalie writes, "My husband and I had a relationship for almost 5 years and we married one year ago. I really love him. I can sacrifice anything, including my life to keep him safe and happy. At the same time, I have to admit I am just a little bit tired of our relationship. I can't find passion any longer. I want to find another relationship and this kind of thought make me feel guilty. I mean I don't want to leave my husband but I want to fall in love with others. It is not right. What can I do?"

I really admire your love for your husband and how much you are willing to sacrifice for his happiness and safety.

Now as you are rightfully feeling so, marriages can get a little boring after a while. You have not told me exactly what is wrong with him or your marriage, but most women and men realize that marriage is not like how they show in the movies or wedding magazines. After a while sex is not the same, the husband may not pay as much attention to you, and the worries about money and household can make it so stressful. Also, the first few years of marriage are the most challenging because we have to manage our expectations and are more likely to react strongly to whatever we don't like.

I think the media has glamorized wedding and marriage. For vast majority of people, yes, it is nice to have a man that loves you and you can then face all the challenges of life together, but it is a tough life out there and marriage, with all its responsibilities, makes it even harder.

Now if you have completely fallen out of love with your husband, then you have to really consider if you want to remain married. You have a long life ahead of you and if you do not love your man, that will be a problem. But I understand why some women simply cannot consider divorce. In that case, you have to figure out what is it that is missing in your marriage or life. It is best to talk to your husband about it and try to make it happen. For example, if he works too hard, you can discuss to make sure that you two spend enough time together. Or whatever else that is problematic, you can see if you can change it.

Regarding getting another lover, well, I sometimes support that idea, but as you know, it is not right and very problematic. You can be caught and no man will love you forever and be the other man. Eventually this man will also like to have a wife and family of his own. But yes, this is possible. I know many women who have part-time lovers that they meet from time to time for dates and sex or even go on vacation with them. They prefer young men (for example, college students) who are more likely to listen to what you tell them to do, and once they leave town, there are always new students coming to the university. And I don't know if you are interested, but these days, it is possible to have online relationship.

Courtney writes, "I'm realizing that I'm not ready to commit until I've developed a solid friendship with a man. But even though I'm being smart about dating, I guess I'm a little worried about my chances. My standards are high and I'm not going to settle, and with that realization, I'm wondering...does that man exist?"

You appear to be a strong woman and need a man who can appreciate your strengths. I know it is hard to find that perfect partner but I am a big optimist. Obviously, I am guessing that you realize that you will need to make some compromises but it still makes sense to stay firm on others that are absolutely critical to you.

I tell my readers to actually write down what is non-negotiable (e.g. education or intellect or accepting your child, etc.) and what are they willing to compromise on (e.g. height, weight, looks, etc.).

So with that being said, you will find someone that is pretty close to what you are looking for. It is only when we write things down and think about them do we realize that what seemed like a MUST (e.g. degree from Harvard) might appear inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.

Alice asks, "What gift should I give to my husband?"

I could have given you a more detailed answer if you would tell me more about him, but in my opinion, give him something that he can use more often and that would remind him of you more frequently. For example, my wife gave me a watch and when I wear it everyday I think of her. If she had given me tools, they would stay in my garage mostly and I would use them only rarely.

For this reason, I recently gave an designer handbag to my wife and when she goes out of the house she knows who gave the bag to her.

Couples benefit from touching and hugging

If you are a man, you are probably tired of your woman asking you for all those hugs. And if you are a woman, your number one complaint maybe that your man does not hug you enough, is reluctant to cuddle, and acts so cold.

Well, it turns out that there are so many benefits of physical contact between a couple. Forget about the benefits of a warm hug, just holding one's husband's hand can do wonders for a woman.

A study by Dr. James Coan, a University of Virginia neuroscientist, has found that married women under stress show signs of immediate relief when they hold their husband's hand, with this clearly seen on their brain scans.

So guys, stop complaining and hold that hand. While no research has been done on men yet, I am convinced you might be benefiting too.