In most cases, men are pretty straightforward in expressing if they are enjoying sex with a woman or not. The only problem is a man who is simply too shy or does not know what sex is supposed to feel like.

So if your boyfriend is not complaining, he initiates and looks forward to intimacy with you, suggests and tries new ways of pleasing each other, and your relationship is otherwise fine, it is fair to assume that he is sexually satisfied. However, if you notice that he asks for more sex or complains about you not providing him certain types of sex, or avoids sex with you, or treats sex like a chore, then you might have a problem.

Natalie writes, "My husband and I had a relationship for almost 5 years and we married one year ago. I really love him. I can sacrifice anything, including my life to keep him safe and happy. At the same time, I have to admit I am just a little bit tired of our relationship. I can't find passion any longer. I want to find another relationship and this kind of thought make me feel guilty. I mean I don't want to leave my husband but I want to fall in love with others. It is not right. What can I do?"

I really admire your love for your husband and how much you are willing to sacrifice for his happiness and safety.

Now as you are rightfully feeling so, marriages can get a little boring after a while. You have not told me exactly what is wrong with him or your marriage, but most women and men realize that marriage is not like how they show in the movies or wedding magazines. After a while sex is not the same, the husband may not pay as much attention to you, and the worries about money and household can make it so stressful. Also, the first few years of marriage are the most challenging because we have to manage our expectations and are more likely to react strongly to whatever we don't like.

I think the media has glamorized wedding and marriage. For vast majority of people, yes, it is nice to have a man that loves you and you can then face all the challenges of life together, but it is a tough life out there and marriage, with all its responsibilities, makes it even harder.

Now if you have completely fallen out of love with your husband, then you have to really consider if you want to remain married. You have a long life ahead of you and if you do not love your man, that will be a problem. But I understand why some women simply cannot consider divorce. In that case, you have to figure out what is it that is missing in your marriage or life. It is best to talk to your husband about it and try to make it happen. For example, if he works too hard, you can discuss to make sure that you two spend enough time together. Or whatever else that is problematic, you can see if you can change it.

Regarding getting another lover, well, I sometimes support that idea, but as you know, it is not right and very problematic. You can be caught and no man will love you forever and be the other man. Eventually this man will also like to have a wife and family of his own. But yes, this is possible. I know many women who have part-time lovers that they meet from time to time for dates and sex or even go on vacation with them. They prefer young men (for example, college students) who are more likely to listen to what you tell them to do, and once they leave town, there are always new students coming to the university. And I don't know if you are interested, but these days, it is possible to have online relationship.

Simon writes, "I have a good friend who is a bit of a busty woman. I want our bond to become closer. I want to make love to her. She has not said that she does not want it in our relationship but she seems uncertain. She seems cautious. It may be because she is busty that she is hesitant. Might this be the reason? Might there be other reasons why she seems uncertain? How can I get her to think about us being intimate? How can I make her feel comfortable about her body? How can I get her to explore her sexuality? If we do it, are there certain positions that work better for lovemaking with a busty woman?"

It is common to be reluctant about having sex until you are positively sure about a relationship. Sex brings a level of intimacy that is not easy to forget.

I would seriously doubt that her being busty has much to do with it, unless of course, her being busty also means that she has sagging breasts and fat in all the wrong places. Remember that many women with large chests are almost always also fat. Only a rare woman will be busty (without breast augmentation) and be skinny at the same time. If she is out of shape she may have low self esteem and that may be the reason for her reluctance.

In my opinion, sex is the celebration of love. If you demonstrate your love to her and prove that you like her for being what she is rather than some kind of a movie star, she will understand that you will accept her body as it is. You can enhance her self esteem by praising her looks and making her feel good about her body.

Regarding suitable position, I am not sure that there are any, unless she is overweight. If she is too fat then you may realize that traditional position likes missionary or woman on top may not work so smoothly because of the fat in the pelvic area. In that case, it requires a little adjustment so that you can penetrate her all the way.

I wrote previously about how to offer sex as a birthday gift. I have an email from a reader and she writes, "I am having a birthday party for my boyfriend. We will have some friends come over to celebrate. I have asked him what he wants for his birthday and he told me about a few regular things that he would wish for. I think that he would really like to have sex on his birthday. I know I would. This seems like a great time to express our love to each other physically. What do you think? I have several questions. Maybe you could answer them."

Note: The answers below are to questions that almost any girl or man would have before making love for the first time, be it before marriage, or as it happens in some situations, on the wedding night.

Could you give me some advice of what to wear at the birthday party that I am having?

My recommendation would be to dress more or less like you would at any other birthday party for a friend. Try to recall how you and your friends have dressed in the past and how you expect your friends to show up this time. I think you do not want to over- or under-dress.

I want to give him a hint of what is to come but do not want to overdo with the other guests present at the party. Is there a way I can give him hints without the others seeing?

It seems difficult to do, particularly if you want to keep it a secret from friends. Can you tie a ribbon in your hair? Ribbons signify gifts; so maybe he will get a hint while others might simply think it is a cute hair accessory.

When the party is ending how do I get the other people to leave without my boyfriend leaving? I do not want it make it obvious to the other what is going on.

There are a few ways to do it. Pick what works best for your situation. Tell your BF via phone/email right now that it will be nice if he stays back after the party to help out with cleaning and dishes, but then, others might offer to help out too. Tell him at the party that you have a special personal gift for him that you are too embarrassed to give in front of everyone. Can he just stay behind after the party or come back later? That might be the perfect plan, I think. It will also give him a hint but still keep him guessing.

How should I let my boyfriend know that I am ready and would like to have sex with him? We have talked about it in the past. Should I let him know of my wishes before the party? How?

Nope. It will be nice to let it happen naturally that day. That is where the surprise comes in.

When the other guest leave how can I turn the topic to what I am about to do? Should this be done through giving him a note? What should the note say? Should this be done through speaking? What should be said? Should this be done through action? If so what?

Wear some item of lingerie that resembles a gift, let your dress drop to the floor, or even better, wear a dress that has a knot at the back of the neck and ask him to untie his personal special gift. From then on he will know what is he getting.

What kind of activities should be done before undressing?

I think when you two are alone, just relax, and talk like you always would. And then at some point when you think you are ready, just ask him, "Do you want your special gift?" and ask him to untie the ribbons/knot.

What kinds of kissing should be done before undressing? Should I start with a soft kiss or dive into a passionate one? What parts on a clothed body should I kiss? Where would he like to be kissed? How long do couples tend to kiss before taking their clothes off?

Do not try to choreograph everything as if this were an opera. A lot will depend on his reactions so act according to the situation and just do what feels right at that point. There is no good or bad way. Kiss the way you feel like and the part that you want. I have no idea what kind of a man he is and how he will react but just do what makes you feel great and he will respond the right way. Maybe he will be very eager to really open his gift and it might happen even before you actually kiss. So simply be prepared for anything.

How will we know when it is time to remove our clothes? Should I ask him to undress or just undress him? Should we undress in the bedroom or can we strip en route? Should kissing be involved in undressing? If so, how?

Since he will be seeing you naked for the first time I will guess that he is ready to do it sooner rather than later unless he is really nervous and shy or hesitant to do it. Maybe he is not sure if you are ready to undress completely. So if he does not do it, ask him to do it for you. I think a lot might be going on including kissing as you undress each other or yourself so do not try to plan each activity. Just go with the flow.

Should talking be done while we are kissing and undressing? What should be said?

I am hoping that you will be engaging in small talk and being playful/naughty with each other. So just relax and do not worry about a script for talking.

What should be done when we get done undressing?

It is common to touch, feel, and kiss your partner's body.

How can I make the bedroom romantic?

As discussed previously, music, lamps, and candles will be great.

What can I do to move us to the bed?

Just pull him or go sit/lie down on the bed whenever you feel like.

What activities should we do as part of foreplay?

Kissing, saying sweet nothings, touching, grabbing, rubbing, biting, licking, etc. are great acts.

Where on his naked body should I kiss? Is there an order that he would enjoy?

I am hoping that you will start with the lips and face and go down from there. The neck and nipples are very sensitive areas too.

How much touching and kissing should be done before I move to his organ? How will I know when to move down there?

Just long enough for him to get erect. I think since it is first time for him, he will get an erection in no time and then you don't want to waste too much time. In case he does not get hard, kissing and playing with his private parts should give do the trick.

How will I know where and how he likes to be touched?

By his responses. But lips, back of ears, neck, nipples, privates, inner thighs, etc. are all quite sensitive.

How should I let him know where I would like to be touched and kissed?

Tell him so. I hope you already know what are your sensitive parts. A man knows a bit but the best way is to just tell him.

How long do couples tend to do foreplay?

Depends how long they have been together. In any case, all the little playful talk about special gift and all is part of foreplay. But definitely 5-15 minutes will be a good start.

How will we know when it is time to move to intercourse? How can I take the lead? Should it be done through speaking, action, or both? Is there a way to know when he is ready?

Since you are doing it for the first time, he may not know how far you are ready to go but with the way things will progress, I think he will. He will be ready when he has an erection and you will be ready when you feel that you are totally wet. Make sure that you have several condoms available (remember this is your responsibility and do not expect him to have them) because not only you do not want to be pregnant you want to prevent yourself from diseases. And condoms also provide lubrication. I strongly encourage you not to have it without condoms. If he refuses, it is time to tell him that you will never do it till you are ready to become a mom. You can just fool around then and maybe just masturbate each other.

If we want to change can you suggest other positions and give advice on how to switch to these without being awkward?

Just ask him, "Let us try this position," and then move to it. Personally I would suggest that you stick to one position for one session of lovemaking. Only very experienced men can manage to change positions in the middle of the action. And next time you do it, just suggest that you would like to be on top or try rear entry or do it on the floor or the kitchen table or whatever.

How do I tell if he is enjoying it?

Sounds, facial expression, and body movements should indicate if he is enjoying himself. You can always ask him, "Do you like it?"

Should talking be part of the the ? What should be said?

Say what you want. Some women like to be quiet, others make a lot of noise, and a few talk dirty.

How long does the first intercourse experience last?

Like anything else first intercourse is very awkward, even for grownups. But no one lasts as long as movies might make you believe. A few minutes is all it takes.

What can be done after intercourse? What do men like to do after it?

Just lie and down and relax. You will feel tired and very relaxed, so enjoy the moment. So will he.

How do we tell if our love making was good or bad?

How did you feel? Did you like it? Did you feel intense pleasure? You will know how he did. And how he felt? Just ask him.

How can I suggest making love again in the morning?

I think you can have sex 2-3 times that evening before sleeping. After the first time, most couples take a short break and they can start again, but again it all depends on the mood and timing and how sleepy you both are.

How can I suggest making love again in the morning?

Most likely he would want it himself and no suggestion would be needed from you. From all I know, you might have to tell him NO at some point. In any case, the kissing and touching him will be a good sign that you want to make love in the morning.

Samantha writes, "My boyfriend and I are into each other and have been dating for a while. We both have said that we want to make love and want it to be special. We have talked about it and decided that it should be with someone special. We both consider the other special enough for it. For his birthday I would like to give him the gift of ME. I think it will be a gift that I am likely to enjoy. What advice do you have about this birthday gift? Is the bed the best location for first time sex? How much time should we allow? Should we plan on from bedtime to morning? I want it to be a surprise for him. What advice do you have for making it a surprise? Would there be a way of letting him know about his gift without saying what I have planed for him? Do you have some advice for starting out? Do you have some advice for knowing when he is ready for intercourse? What position is the best for first time? Could we use more than one?"

Well, it is great that you both have waited a long time to have sex. That means that your relationship is solid and is based on something deeper rather than just casual attraction.

Regarding your idea of offering yourself as a gift for his birthday is awesome. I think he will appreciate it and hopefully it will be a sweet memory for you too.

There is no rule that the bed is the best place for sex of any type. In my opinion wherever a couple is in the mood, they can have a great time, provided it is comfortable for both of them. Obviously, a bed is always comfortable and after sex the couple can just lie cuddling and even go to sleep (not the case if you do it in a car or the kitchen).

Regarding time needed, I would suggest that schedule as much as possible, and if you get the whole night that is great, because you can then have lots of foreplay, sex, and then chat after sex before going to sleep.

And it is a great idea to keep it as a surprise. My recommendation would be not give him any hints at all. I think he expects a gift and if he knows nothing the surprise will be the greatest.

The best way to start out will be to buy some lingerie that looks likes ribbons. I remember one woman who wrote to me. She simply tied herself in silk ribbon covering her breasts and pubic area. Then he brought her boyfriend to her bedroom, put him to sit down on the edge of the bed, unzipped her dress to let it drop to the floor. Then she invited him to open the gift. He knew exactly what that meant. They had a memorable birthday celebration. You could try something along those lines.

Remember that a man is generally ready before a woman but he will most likely tell you (directly or indirectly) that he wants to be inside you. A good erection is a positive sign that he is ready to penetrate. And I would suggest not to wait too long.

Regarding the best position, each couple has their own preferences that they discover over time. My wife loves the missionary position but my favorite is her on top. So pick one and try another one till you find ones that work for both of you. There are so many ways that you can achieve orgasm each one pleases both partners in different ways.

Let me know if you need more help in planning it, and obviously, it will be great if you write back with details on how it turned out. I like to know if my advice was helpful.

Mandy writes, "I met this guy and we hit it off great. We spend time together, we've met each others families, we are the same age, and we have so much in common. My problem is now that the newness has worn off he has gotten too comfortable and the sex has slowed down. I want to keep things fresh and try something new. He seems little shy when it comes to this kind of stuff. How do I get him to open up more to me? I feel we could really have a great future together if he would let me in. Help. What do I do?"

It is almost always the case that sex does go down in any relationship once the newness is gone and a couple starts to spend more time together. Having said that, a couple can also experience a surge once they become really comfortable with each other and want to please each other even more because they are truly in love.

In your situation, with his being a bit shy and the excitement subsiding, I would say that you should be in control of sex from now on. Be the one to plan and initiate it and I am sure that he will go for the ride. Try different things and then ask him for for specific (not generic like "how was it?" but more specific "what did you think of this specific angle of penetration?") feedback.

And finally always put intimacy on the calendar the way you would put meals or grocery shopping or laundry or vacations. That way he would understand that you will have sex X times a week and the way you change your menu or outfits regularly, you will change your sexual adventures.

Trust me; a man is like a dog that needs training and once it knows that it has to get the newspaper for you every morning from the front yard, it will do it and then wag its tale to tell you how pleased it is to do it for you.

Connie writes, "My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, and seem like our love life is fading. I try my best to keep it exciting. I mean I go to the extremes with this man, by role playing, dressing up, and doing things that I thought I would never do. I know he loves me but will this cause us to go our separate ways? Please give me some advice on this."

You know it is very sad to hear that there are men like your boyfriend and wonderful women like you - I would do anything to be with someone like you and this idiot simply does not appreciate how lucky he is. There are several reasons why this may be happening:

1. He has fallen out of love and is in love with someone else. Do you have any idea what is going on? Or if he has another girlfriend? Do a little investigation and if you come up with some information that he is cheating, it is time to breakup and move on.
2. He is stressed out or worried due to other issues in his life. It could be work related or may be caused by financial problems or even a family issue. Talk to him and find out. If there is a problem, be supportive in this difficult time.
3. You are doing things that don't appeal to him. For example, I love role play but I know there are men who are more into meat-and-potatoes type relationship with their lover - they simply are not interested in anything new. You have to find out what is it that he wants and do that. Do you really know what turns him on? When you know that you will do things that he likes rather than what you like though in the end I am not sure if you want to be with a man forever who simply cares about his desires and not about yours.

How to get the love you want from a man?

Nicki has recently met a much younger man and their relationship has been going fairly well despite the fact she is sometimes concerned that he shows college-student mentality towards the relationship. He has, however, promised to do his best to make things work. "My main issue now is to get him to do certain things while intimate. I think he does not appear to have as much bedroom experience as I do and I am willing to teach him. Should I wait till we are a serious couple to demand things as far as physical intimacy is concerned or should I try to give hints for now? I think I did give a little hint the other day but there is something very specific that I like. I know some men are not into it or can't even think of doing it, so I am somewhat afraid to say it so openly. What do you think?" she asks.

First of all, never assume anything. In other words, you never know until you find out - and just because I have never done something it does not mean that I will never do it. Maybe I never got the chance and that is why I may not get a hint or may not suggest it myself or even show my reluctance doing it the very first time.

Secondly, the best way to do it is to suggest it as something fun to do rather than saying that you love it, you have always done it, and if he doesn't do it, he is an idiot. For example, if you could show him a film (What about Femme de Chambre du Titanic) or a photo (even better if you do that during a romantic getaway) and then casually mention - "Oh, that sounds like so much fun; I would love to try that with you" - and see what happens. Most men are pretty adventurous; trust me.

I think, therefore, you better give hints right now. Why? If he does not pay attention or is unable to make progress as you wish, well, it will give you something to think about - do you still want to be with him long term?