Pedro, a Hispanic-American, writes, "I met my girlfriend online, and we have been communicating almost everyday since we met 6 months ago. We love each other dearly and plan to marry eventually, even though we haven't "physically" met yet. We are going to meet in a couple of months (I'm traveling to Brazil). There is only one thing that I'm worried about. I'm 51 and she's 32 -- big age difference, and although she says that the age difference doesn't matter, I am still worried a little bit. Her father is Chinese and I am worried that she will have many problems with her family once she announces that she's in love with an older Mexican-American guy. We plan on her coming to the USA to marry me, but in the mean time, I need to know how to deal with her family -- an Asian family that has been established in Brazil for many years."

Marriage for green card

Not that I suspect that with your girlfriend, but I hope that you realize that many women simply want to marry anyone with an American passport -- the so-called marriage for a green card. It is something that you need to think about and watch out for. If she shows desperation then you need to really make sure that she won't marry you and then leave once she gets her green card.

Marriage through online dating without a real date

While I am a big supporter of online dating, I am always suspicious of people falling in love and planning to get married without ever meeting. Buddy, if you want to listen to my advice, slow down. Yes you can do both but make sure that you are even talking to the same person behind the webcam or email. I have heard enough stories from my readers who found otherwise once they met -- people lie a lot more than acceptable while dating on the Internet. That is why I suggest that people go a little slow in online dating.

How to tell your family about your foreign boyfriend who is also older and of a different race?

Do I understand it right that she has not yet told her parents that she is dating you? You better make sure that she does so right away and if her parents have a huge problem with that and she wants to listen to them, then you better not waste your time and money traveling to Brazil. This is an issue that she needs to handle. You need to strategize with her but she is the one who knows her family better than anyone else. She is the one who has to tell them that you are a wonderful guy, that she is in love with you, and that they should join her in happiness. Of course, you will need to formally ask for her hand in marriage, but I think that you may be trying to do too much in your first visit. I would suggest that you spend this trip on getting to know her better and dealing with issues I have raised here. Come back to the US, think things over, make sure that you are comfortable with everything, and then actually make another trip to ask for her hand in marriage.

Remember that I wish you well and have nothing against you or your girlfriend -- I raised a few questions so that you get an unbiased opinion from someone before you take such an important step.

My sister-in-law got a divorce. While I had a great relationship with her ex-husband (as far as I was concerned, he was a great guy), when the process moved forward, I had no choice but to be on the side of sister-in-law. I had to stop all communication with him because having even a casual acquaintance with him would have hurt my sister-in-law. A few years later they have a horrible relationship and often face problems while raising their 3 daughters. Sometimes I just wonder if I could pick up the phone or have a beer with her ex and help him better deal with the problems that they have because they do not even look at each other any more (they only communicate through their children). Here is a great video of Jill Brooke and Julie Chen that talks about divorce and relationships without choosing sides.

Age difference between couples is becoming less of an issue and the more interesting part of this change is younger men marrying older women. In Argentina, one couple has carried it to the other extreme. They have an age difference of 58 years. It is understandable why Anna Nicole Smith married a man old enough to be her grandfather but in this particular case, it does not appear that the woman has a huge fortune that he will inherit. Apparently it is all for love.

A divorce lawyer may be the most unlikely source of marriage advice but they have unique insights into why marriages fail. While some studies say that half of all marriages fail, the actual number is much higher because many couples live in horrible marriages but stay together for all sorts of reasons. They are actually worse than divorced couples.

So what are the reasons for divorce?

Of course, we live in a world of choice and now that men and women are financially independent, they do not take BS from no one. Another major reason is that when passion goes out of a relationship.

So what is the secret to a long and happy marriage?

1. Appreciate your partner
2. And keep the relationship spicy.

A relationship with a military man is a tough one, and even tougher in the midst of a war. The separation can be long and lack of news can be nerve-wrecking. So it was nice to see couples get together in Times Square in New York to recreate the scene from over 50 years ago when a sailor kissing a nurse was photographed. Here is a photo of Ben Summer kissing Elizabeth Booher after he proposed to her. So when you are ready to marry, make sure that you make it special. Women often remember their proposal more than their wedding day.

I hear about relationships with big age gaps almost every day but there are times that some age gaps are bigger than what we are used to. Jim is 45 and is ready to marry an 18-year old. "It happened by our luck only. I was not looking for a relationship like this but we both love each other now. Am I wrong? Please tell me," he asks.

Indeed, there is no numbers counting when you fall in love. Since the two of you are both in love, get rid of any doubts you have. This is not the time to think since age is just a number. Indeed, you may have some problems in the marriage because of the age gap but I hear from couples every day who have problems - they also happen to be in the same age bracket. In fact, perfectly normal couples in every respect keep getting divorced or breaking up. This is simply a myth that people with wide age gap have any more problems than couples in the same age group. Of course you will need to make adjustments (the music that you like may not be the same as she does, for example) and so will she, but that is advice couples of all ages need. A relationship is about acceptance and compromises and as long as you do that you can have a beautiful relationship.

Recently a group of divorce attorneys in Chicago were blasted for a very controversial billboard with the tag line "Life's short - get a divorce." The critics argued that marriage was not something to be taken lightly and by openly motivating people to consider divorce, the lawyers were sending a wrong message.

While it is often said that one out of every two marriages in the country leads to a divorce, some recent statistics suggest that the divorce rate may have actually leveled off and even declined. Is it true?

Yes, the numbers are right and that is why the divorce attorneys are seeking new clients, the real story is different. What is happening is that instead of getting married people are choosing to live together before marriage (if at all they do it) and even have children out of wedlock (in the traditional sense), though many of these couples are actually in long-term, monogamous, committed relationships.

According to statics, the number of couples living together without marriage has increased 10 times since 1960 and the marriage rate has plunged by 30% during last 25 years. Plus, Americans are marrying when they are much older.

So what is the message here?

If you are not absolutely convinced that you have found the spouse of your dreams, wait to get married. There are other options to be together. Remember, divorce is costly and painful.

Cindy is a 22-year old and went for a job interview. Well, she didn't get the job but her potential boss fell in love with her (it was not an office romance and she was not technically dating a colleague). "It was love at first sight," she says. "He started calling me constantly, met my parents, and then proposed me to marry him. BUT, the problem is that he is 43 years. He looks young but I don't know whether our marriage can be succsessful? I don't know what to do! He is very clever, rich and I am a simple, poor girl who wants to have a happy life. I am so confused. If I marry him, my life will change, but I also wonder what will I do with this old man. Please help."

We have heard from many women who not only had a great marriage with older men but liked them better than younger men - these men were more mature, confident, and loving. The question you have to ask is If you love this man regardless of his age. If the answer is yes, then it makes a lot of sense to marry him. Though you must understand that he is more than 20 years older than you and you will have many opportunities to find men your age (you can sign up for free dating at our website) since you are still too young to get desperate for marriage. Being with someone who is quite older or younger than you does present some problems but so does a partner of your age.

Courtney is a 52 year old woman and this is what she wrote to me today. "I agree with you on the subject of an older woman being with a younger man. Many people don't accept that this is a viable option. I myself resisted the temptation for some time before succumbing to the affections of a man 23 years my junior. I wound up marrying him and the problems that surfaced in our marriage were not due to our large age gap. His family members were more judgmental than mine about the age difference. After 6 years of being together, he divorced me and went back to his ex, who is only about 4 years younger than myself. I have been alone for nearly a year and have not found a man thus far that suits me. Age is a number. This is what I want men and women out there to understand," she says.

I think Courtney's case clearly proves that if a couple is compatible otherwise, age is merely a number. And if they are otherwise incompatible, being of the same age can actually be a problem sometimes - a mature partner can handle the situation better.

If you are a man, you are probably tired of your woman asking you for all those hugs. And if you are a woman, your number one complaint maybe that your man does not hug you enough, is reluctant to cuddle, and acts so cold.

Well, it turns out that there are so many benefits of physical contact between a couple. Forget about the benefits of a warm hug, just holding one's husband's hand can do wonders for a woman.

A study by Dr. James Coan, a University of Virginia neuroscientist, has found that married women under stress show signs of immediate relief when they hold their husband's hand, with this clearly seen on their brain scans.

So guys, stop complaining and hold that hand. While no research has been done on men yet, I am convinced you might be benefiting too.

According to latest statistics, out-of-wedlock births in the United States have climbed to an all-time high, with 40% of the newborns, mostly among women in their twenties - so it is not due to teenage pregnancy.

Why is this happening?

Well, more couples are choosing to live together before marriage. Others, afraid of a divorce, are simply choosing not to have a legal marriage (these couples often live like married couples in other ways, for example, by managing their finances jointly). And of course, women who do not want to get married for the heck of it but would still like to be moms, become pregnant with the help of a donor so that they are still in control of their biological clock.

What does it mean?

Be ready to see more of such kids. Also do not make a fool of yourself by asking a mother about the child's father or her husband - they are gradually becoming archaic concepts.

Friendship with ex-wife: Good idea!

Mark writes, "I've been divorced for two years. My ex-wife and I are still friends and although we don't talk all the time, maybe twice a month at the most, my new and potentially serious girlfriend has a huge issue with it. She has met her and knows that there is no way that we would ever re-connect. My ex and I have made it a point to remain friends after all that we've been through and yet it makes my present girlfriend extremely uncomfortable and jealous. Is this a case of jealousy that will never go away? What do I do? I really care for both and on some level I don't want to break either relationship off. Any suggestions?"

1. Americans better get used to the new reality. With 50% divorce rates, we already have situations where it is hard to keep track of all the complex marital situations and who is father/mother of what child. So the bottomline is that couples will continue to be divorced and divorces will become increasingly less bitter. That means that couples will stay friends, rather than turn into bitter enemies. So if you are going to date a divorcee, you better get used to seeing the exes once in a while and your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband maintaining a mature friendship with the ex.
2. We at LuvCube.com believe that even after marriage, each partner should be allowed to have good friends of both sexes. The spouse does not have to be friends with all of these folks. It is actually good for both partners and for the relationship. In fact, our research has found that when a partner has a close friend of the opposite sex with whom s/he can share almost anything, the relationship with the spouse improves. There are things that you can never talk to your spouse about without getting personal about it. With a friend, it is much easier to discuss such things and get objective feedback/suggestions/ guidance. For example, if I tell my wife that she is starting to get fat and is no longer as pretty as she used to be, we will probably have a divorce. However, I can, and do, tell a friend and she will actually appreciate it.
3. If this woman is so jealous now, things will only get worse when you marry her. She will feel more right over you and would not want you to be seen with any other woman at all. Not a good situation to be in.
4. It seems that you have a good friendly relationship with your ex-wife. And that is the way it should be. After all, for God's sake, she was your wife at one time and you loved her. You have every right to be friends with her and as long as you give all your love to the next woman, she has no business to tell you who you are friends with. (Related: Should I go back to my ex?)
   
5. My advice: You might want to tell your girlfriend what your thoughts are, lay out all the facts, and hold your position. If she wants to leave, let her go. You will surely find someone who is a bit more open-minded than this.
   

Related reading

Dating after divorce

Cheating and divorce

Emotions after divorce

Impact of divorce on families