Nate writes, "I'm a 58 year old man, many years younger looking and more fit than your average 29 year old. I am not in a committed relationship yet but one is hanging in the balance. The problem is that my 40 year old male room-mate has met a woman, 41, who is drop-dead gorgeous and who is moving into a room in my home. She is falling in love with me, and I with her. I have created a distinct distance from her, agreeing to be loving but not to the point of intimacy. He, BTW, is an 'unavailable' sort. They're getting along for the moment but I foresee that she's going to be with me. The age gap of 17 years is a concern. I am mature, loving, decent, wise, and caring. She is lovely, sweet, intelligent, successful at what she does, and as conflicted as I am. What to do?"

First of all, I hope you are prepared for the consequences of stealing the girlfriend of your roommate. You will just need to find another roommate unless he is cool with the idea.

Two mature people can have a great relationship even with significant age gap

Regarding your falling for her, well, as you probably read on my blog, the number of such relationships is rapidly growing (and is not a concern considering that you look young and relationships like that have been there forever; the groundbreaking relationships these days are the ones when women at your age date younger men).

Now I would have also objected to the relationship, if say, you were 37 and she was 20. Yes, the age difference is the same, but at 37, a person is fully mature and has gone through a lot but at 20, almost everyone is pretty clueless. At the age of 41, this woman knows what she is doing, she has experienced life, heartbreak, love, and pain. Maybe she is not as wise as you, but she is no clueless teenager. So go ahead and give it a chance; you might turn out to be a great couple.

Stacy writes, "I am a 22 year old female who has been through enough to be in my 30's. In short, I dropped out of high school, got into drugs really bad, had a relationship with an older man (15 years older), stayed with him for 4 years bouncing on and off drugs until I got pregnant. We had a beautiful son, split up because as a sober couple, we weren't the same people. I moved back towards my family and have built quite the beautiful life for myself. Things were really rough for me a few months back - because of the split, parenting plan with my son's father, unemployed and alone, so I decided to reach out in a way that I never have before. I got onto Craig's List and put an ad in stating that I needed a live-in house-keeper/caregiver situation, whatever the case, for a place to live. I got a response back not 12 hours later and it was a 64 year old man who was lonely and needed someone to take care of the house. I was really hesitant to jump into the situation because of my son but I took the risk and it couldn't have turned out better. I fell in love with my boss and he with me -- despite our age difference. Everything between us is simple and easy. He makes me happy and I do the same. I have never been loved 'right' before and I haven't been this happy in a long time. But I want to make sure that I am making him happy. He says I am but I want to make sure because he takes such good care of me and my son that I don't want him to feel like he is not appreciated. How do I do that and ensure that our relationship stays as solid as it is now? It means too much to me to lose."

Future of relationship with an older man

Wow, this is such a beautiful story and it made my day. When I get such happy stories to read, I love my job.

I am glad that you are happy and so is your boyfriend. Looks as if you are doing everything right because things seem to be going well.

I also admire your decision to be proactive and trying to do your best. Generally I like to believe that if there is something that he needs or realizes that you are not doing it, he will ask you. But not all men are very communicative, it does not hurt to ask. No one can tell you what he wants than him and the best thing is to do is just ask directly. Trust me, it works.

A man at any age has very simple needs but sex is a big part of it. I have never met a man who was not happy if he was getting sex the way he liked it. May sound a little shallow to some women, but women who appreciate this often have the most satisfying and happy relationships.

You also need to start thinking about making the relationship somewhat more legal. Remember that if you do not get married, you may not inherit anything if something were to happen to him. And considering your situation that can be a huge problem. I say this because while you are with this man, you are missing out on opportunities to meet and marry another man with whom you can spend your life with. So hopefully you are already thinking along these lines; if not, it is a good idea to do so in the coming months. I can understand how blessed you feel to have a stable relationship and some peace in your life after all that you have gone through, but also consider your long-term future. I am sure that if he loves you the way you do, he will also be pleased with this approach.

I wanted to share some tips from a mature woman who has had successful with younger guys.

"I think older women have to take themselves seriously. We have much to offer. I am a better companion/mate now than I was 20 years ago. I have decided that age and distance are irrelevant if there is the potential of a good relationship. I have done a little online reading about changes in sexual response as women age - and I have found what was written is consistent with what happens to me. I have for a long time been continuously orgasmic but needed the usual foreplay in advance for the best experience. After separating from my husband, I was celibate for 15 years - we were still married and being otherwise did not work for me. I was engaged last year (though broke it off subsequently as he wanted money) and slept with him a few times (long distance relationship). I was surprised to find that all sensation from all stimulation went direct to my private parts and little foreplay was needed or even wanted. In fact I simply want/need deep penetration. The continuous orgasm was still there. I am now very easily aroused, swell up and am ready very quickly. This is hardly a disadvantage for a male. Of course it does not mean that play of one sort or another is not welcome as part of the whole picture."

Lauren writes, "What does it mean when a guy you thought you knew real well (thinking he was a genuine person), was pretty sure he really liked you (and then started to like him back), and you knew for over a year and a half, that you have feelings for him, and his response is: "Well first of all, you don't know me at all. You do not know me well enough to say that and that if you knew me for who I really was, I know you would not be saying or feeling that at all." And then tells you that he still wants to keep in touch, does not want anything to change because it's not a big deal and still hopes we can be "cool" about everything?"

I think what this person is saying that he is not what you think. For instance, in an extreme case, he may not even be single, but most likely, he may not be from the social class that you think he is from, or have the education/job/income that you think he does, or have other secrets that you may not know.

It does not mean that he told you any lies; a lot of time we just don't know enough about people even after a long time, though, no one told any lies. For example, I might meet a woman who constantly talks about wines and I might conclude that she must be a fine woman to have such a serious passion for wines, but she could be just a college dropout with a simple job in the mall but has simply indulged her passion for wines for years. She might make little money, live in a humble place, be a great person but if I start to allude to her high-class status, she can correct me by saying that I don't know enough about her.

I think this man has essentially told you that he is not interested in a romantic relationship with you but appreciates your acquaintance or friendship.

Laura writes, "I am a fairly attractive girl and attract quite a few men but I always seem to choose the wrong one and can't even seem to keep the bad one. Why?"

I think the good news is that you are attractive to men so if you can attract these men you can possibly attract the right kind of men.

When I was in college, I had a good friend, a wonderful girl and not only was she a bright student she was also a great companion (we were just friends and not dating). However, she always attracted wrong guys like you because there was a big disconnect between her preference for looks versus their economic status.

So she would fall in love immediately with a guy with long hair or piercings or leather pants or solid muscles or romantic attitude or great taste in techno music but then it turned out that most guys with great jobs as lawyers or bankers or professionals are not like this in appearance or tastes. So she would have a great time with them briefly but then they were really not the type who wanted a long term relationship with a professional woman like her.

Is it possible that you are also looking for what things that are not in harmony with who you are and what kind of man would like a long term relationship with you? Yeah occasionally people will have very unusual relationships but in most cases people find good, solid relationships with people that are more like them in most ways.

Robert, a man in his mid-50s interested in dating a younger girl. He asks, "What are some good dating websites for young women looking for older men?"

I don't like to personally recommend any website because I have not had the chance to try it myself (I am a happily married to a woman slightly older to me; thank you very much) but what I tell people is that they can use any good dating website and indicate what they are looking for in their personal ad. You can also do a Google search (for terms like Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mama or cougar dating or mature dating) and find some so-called specialty websites but I am skeptical of them because they do not have enough members or often have girls who just want your money. Many of them are actually escorts or prostitutes or want to become a mistress rather that real girls looking for a solid relationship.

Of course, I also like you to join to the completely free dating website that I am building.

While many older women now date younger men and it does not raise many eyebrows these days, men have traditionally married women their age or younger than them. Some of it had to do with the fact that men are fertile much longer while women find it hard to be pregnant as they get older and it is nearly impossible for them to have a healthy child in their 40s. Here is more information on the reasons why men choose younger women.

I wanted to share a story from one of our readers. She is just 20 years old and is dating a 43-year old man.

"We met through friends when I was 17. Everything was great for the first six months; in fact he chased me for three months and one day I felt completly head-over-heels in love! Then he started to change. He split up with me and slept with any woman he could find as well as me. He is my first ever love and boyfriend and however nasty he was to me, I held on! He would always tell me to move on and when I began to do so, he would beg me to come back! I will never give up on him because I know how hurt he was in his mariage and there is a beautiful man inside when he shows it! It has been nearly three years now and still it is the same situation - he loves me for a few weeks and then he doesn't even want to know where am I! I am unsure if this is because of his past and his scars, but I will always love hin and I am not quite ready to give up yet although I am starting to struggle to show him what he has and what he will lose. I don't want to give all my love to him and end up being so hurt that I will not love again! There's just something so special about him that I can't give up! I just want to be loved back and made to feel the way I try to make him feel every day! We are the best of friends and so similar! I love the fact that he is wise and can teach me things! There is no issue over the age gap. I believe that it adds to our relationship, but maybe if I were able to have met him 20 years ago, he might not have had so many issues and he would be more willing to give this relationship a real chance! I don't want children and he has already done that. I also don't want marriage - all I want is me and him and commitment! I believe we are more perfect because of our age difference because we are on the same path but at different stages of our lives! I know he wants to be loved and after all we have been through a lot. If we are still together, there must be some fate in that! I am just going to hold on and believe that one day he will realize what he has and I will be cherished at last!"

What do you think?

Is she delusional? Is this man abusing a young woman? Should she end the relationship and move on? Or will the man see her unconditional love and give her what she deserves? Has something like this happened to you before? What did you do? How did things turn out for you? Please let me know. If you have a blog, you can blog about it or you can simply share your thoughts here (no email address is needed).

Couple with 41 years age gap

While the current hot topic is younger men dating older women, the trend of older men in relationships with much younger women is not over. However, we have been surprised by one of our reader's story. She writes, "I am 31, and my significant other just turned 72. We have a great relationship. Most of the people in our lives, his 3 daughters, (his youngest is 9 years older than me), and my 3 children (12, 7, and 4) are all fine with our relationship. Of course, in the begining, there were questions from everyone. But now, there are only a couple people in our lives - my dad and step-mom, and his 24 year old grandson that has a problem. I was married before, he is widowed. We care about each other and we support each other, take care of ourselves and each other, and we both learn a lot from each other. I never imagined I would ever meet someone this special. By the way, he is not particularly wealthy, so I can't be accused of being a gold-digger. The hardest part is being in public. People think he is my grandfather, and when they find out our relationship are pretty obviously taken back. It is hard to meet others that can relate, and it is hard to know how to respond to confrontation. Any advice?"

Well, in over five years that we have operated LuvCube talking about such relationships, you are probably the couple with the biggest age gap. In any case, the most high profile case is that of Anna Nicole Smith and her husband J. Howard Marshall II since they had an age gap of 63 years. While she always claimed that he was the love of her life, no one believed her and called her a gold-digger.

While people are more accepting, as you have found out, your case is an exception. In other words, what it means is that you will have to live with this the rest of your life and learn to deal with it. Let me give you an example. My wife does not use my last name. So it is not uncommon for people to address us by each other's last names depending who they know. So the phone company (phone is in her name) always addresses me using her last name. What can we do? There is nothing offensive about it but it is awkward at times for me to be called at times with a last name that I love but is not mine.

How to deal with the situation?

This is what I would suggest. In situations where it is only temporary (e.g. when you check into a hotel and the clerk does not realize that he is your boyfriend), there is no reason to correct or to engage in a conversation trying to clarify it. You will only be making your life difficult. On the other hand, for people that must understand - family members, friends, etc. - you must politely and without embarassment - correct them. There is no reason to give long explanations. We all have a right to fall in love with anyone we choose to and others should respect that.

The sad reality of the world is that people just expect things to be a certain way. Men will only marry women. Children will only be born to heterosexual couples. People will only marry others like them. Remember not too long ago it was a scandal to marry someone of another race.

I would say that just because of the public reaction you should not stop living your life. Live your life as if his age is not an issue. Eventually people will see the beauty of it all and get used to it. Some idiots, though, never will. Don't worry about the idiots.