Previously I wrote how to become a mistress. Remember, it is not for everyone, the way marriage is not for everyone. I also do not agree with the feminists that (as long as a woman is making this choice of her free will) there is anything unethical about it.

In that context, I heard from a woman and I am reproducing her thoughts below:

"There is nothing wrong in being a mistress. In any case many women marry for money, or at least the financial status of the man is a major consideration. It is far worse to shack up with a guy for free. I would rather be a mistress or high priced call girl. You can have a loving relationship with a man without marriage and being a mistress gives you freedom that a wife does not have. There are famous mistresses in history and courtesans and very few married late in life. It is better then wasting your life on marrying a lout. Being a mistress can give you experience as an open-ended second wife; maybe you don't want to get married. It is like trying to see if this is what you want but you are free to date men and play the straight girl with dates until you find the right guy for marriage but meanwhile being a mistress can be far better then sharing rent and shacking up for free. If guy is generous then he values you. This way you can try to see if you really want to look for a Mr. Right in the future are you happier to be single and a mistress.

I am dating a married man

Veronica writes, "I am now in a relationship with a man 18 years older than me. Ours is also a long distance relationship. We started as friends. Through the course of our communication, I found myself frequently chatting with him and talking over the phone. His intelligence, excellent demeanor, consistency in attitude and thinking, humor and sense of responsibility are the reasons that gravitated me towards him.

In the past, I have been praying for someone who has the same traits like he does. Apparently, he is very much married with two kids and was open about his status. The inevitable happened. I still allowed myself to fall for him. Initially though, I was restraining myself from engaging with him due to his status but he gently influenced me that the "journey" we are having is the most wonderful he has had.

I struggled with the thought that I could possibly be the reason for his permanent indifference towards his wife and would appease me that he can handle things without the wife knowing about us.

It pained me whenever he would naturally speak about his wife. There was jealousy brewing. On the other hand, I am thankful too that he is openly discussing this with me and later on learned to control my emotions when his wife is the topic.

My relationship with him is one year old now. He is an expat for a multinational company. When his meetings are done in other countries, he never fails to visit me and spend a couple of days with me. Also, I have wavered several times and was even wanting to get out of the relationship. However, he would gently cajole me to stay and not be hasty with my decision and does not like to leave me like a hot potato and not have any communication at all. In the end, he wins and I end up loving him more.

Lately, he would utter his "wishes" frequently. He would tell me that if only he wasn't married, he'd ask for my hand. Upon hearing those words from him, I cut him. I know my limitations, and though, I love him so much, I am not delusional to the point of him leaving his family for me although it could be possible. He explained to me that he never uses the word "cannot," he deems that it is a strong word (when I explained that we stop dwelling on his wishes since it cannot happen).

What does this mean? Although I always tell him that it wouldn't look good if he leaves his wife for me, I am also wishing silently that I could have him and live happily ever after. With the frequency he visits me, would you still consider that he is just infatuated with me or simply wants pleasure?

I find his sincerity genuine. Despite his meetings and busy schedule, he finds time to communicate with me and we manage to do it everyday, even on weekends when he is with his family. I have learned to love him and my feelings for him are very deep now. What should I do? Should I believe every word he tells me? With the "cannot" phrase, is he in some ways contemplating to perhaps be with me?"

Is this woman a mistress?

Dating a man in a relationship, particularly a marriage of many years with kids, is always a dangerous path for any woman. At least when a man lies about his relationship status, there is hope. Maybe he will leave the woman for you, but if he expresses helplessness, he has it all. He can have you as long as you are stupid enough to be with him and also have his legally-wedded wife. It is you who is the loser in the end. The time and emotional investment that you are making in him may all go waste (while you are getting old) if you realize at some point that he is not worth your efforts or if his wife finds out or if he gets tired of you.

Let me also play the Devil's advocate here. What if he has many other girlfriends/mistresses like you in other places? Are you sure that you are the only lover he has? For all I know, his romantic talk may just be the words that he needs to keep you (and a few others) interested in him. Many rich and successful men often do what this man does: have a few girlfriends in places where they cannot be caught. Yes, some day, one relationship might go sour but then he can simply move on to another one and come up with a story that seems to work all the time: a naive woman impressed by an intelligent, successful man who claims to be the victim in a marriage that is not working out too well but he is unable to leave it because of his being a family man.

The question that you have to ask yourself is what is it that you want out of this relationship. You say that you are "not delusional to the point of him leaving his family for me" or that "it wouldn't look good if he leaves his wife for me," but then, you also ask "is he in some ways contemplating to perhaps be with me?" I see many contradictions here (you say "I am also wishing silently that I could have him and live happily ever after").

Based on what you describe to me, he could very well be a genuinely nice man (instead of the evil man that he appears to be) who is stuck in a really bad marriage but if does not want to leave his wife and be with you, he is merely using you for his personal gain and you are not getting much out of it except a false sense of love and affection. As he has repeatedly hinted, he may not be able to get out of his marriage and in the end, you will be wondering where did your life go by.

I think if you are looking for attention from a smart, intelligent, likable guy, and nothing else (I hope he is giving you expensive gifts and awesome sex), it is fine to have this man, but if you want a solid relationship with a man that you can live with happily forever, get out now and find a single man.